


Skydive (Freefall)

by NerdyUwU



Series: Skydive [1]
Category: B.A.P
Genre: Drama, M/M, actual hitman jongup, addin a new tag bc there will some shots of smut in here, but a fairly fast burn regarding relationships, daejae focus, hitman bap, i wont tag them but you'll see who they are as the story goes, info broker daehyun, kid!junhong b the way, leader himchan, loosely based off of skydive and oneshot, right hand yongguk, rival gangs and stuff, slow burn with plot, so there is NO jonglo :), the titles of the chapters are skydive lyrics, there are other characters from other groups appearing, there's gonna be shooting and all that, this is all im gonna tag so i don't spoil anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-05-29 01:20:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15061943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NerdyUwU/pseuds/NerdyUwU
Summary: Himchan runs a hitman gang in the east of Seoul. They're the best of the best and they've earned their title of being the top dog - the Matoki.But their recent hit is keeping them on edge and none of them like it.





	1. i'll throw myself (go to the other side)

**Author's Note:**

> As always, excuse grammar and spelling. I tried to go through and check but I'm sure I missed a few things. Please enjoy this, it's something I've actually planned out! Though I'm not sure how many chapters there will be. Kudos are appreciated. If anything confuses you, drop a comment and I'll explain!

            Himchan swept his eyes across the dingy garage surroundings, running a hand through his hair and letting out a loud sigh. It was a mess, but that was a normal occurrence. They had just spent last nights precious hours celebrating their recent success and it was by no means Himchan’s idea. Oh no, it was Jung Daehyun who wanted to pop open the Soju bottles that now lay littered along the floor and once pristine table. Papers lay crumpled on the floor, each one marked off to signify their successful hit and a few chairs were strewn across the floor, toppled over. Himchan let out another sigh, his eyes shutting for a brief moment as he warded off the upcoming headache and then opened them, dark irises scanning their rather large basecamp once again. It would take him an hour alone, but that was enough. The others were out doing their own thing, after all.  

            Muttering a few threats under his breath, all of which were directed at Daehyun, Himchan began to clean up the mess, piling bottles in his arms and tossing them into a bin, picking up the crumpled papers and burning them carefully before dusting the ashes away. He was barely halfway done with the aftermath of their party when a knock sounded on the boarded garage door. With a roll of his eyes, Himchan clicked his tongue and responded breezily, annoyance surging through his tone. “Daehyun, you know the fucking code. Just come inside like a normal person.”

            A laugh, loud and ringing. “Normal person? I don’t think hitman classify as normal.” Daehyun’s voice lilted through the metal garage door, his steps audible and boots clicking against the cement ground as he made his way around the barricaded door and buzzed himself in through the main entrance. Daehyun raked his eyes over the messy main room of their basecamp and had the nerve to send a sheepish grin to Himchan. “Need a hand?”

            “Of course I need a hand, you piece of shit.” Himchan snapped back, clutching the bottle in his hand, and resisting the urge to barrel it at Daehyun’s face. The man could grind his nerves without even saying a word, yet despite this they held a tight bond. “I’m the damn leader, not some housemaid. I can’t believe you all went to do your own shit and left me to clean this pile of dog shit when I woke up.”

            Daaehyun held his hands up in mock surrender, a shit eating grin plastered on his face as he walked over. “Right, sorry boss. Didn’t realise that going out to get _food_ and a new hit counted as leaving you to clean.” He pried the bottle out of Himchan’s hand and began cleaning up himself, listening to the irritated huff that left Himchan’s mouth. It only made him grin even wider. “Yongguk should be coming soon with Jongup. I think they have the new hit we’re supposed to take.”

            Himchan scoffed. “Of course, they couldn’t have bothered to even text.”

            “ _Pretty_ sure they did. Why don’t you check your phone?”

            Running a hand through sleek black hair, Himchan pulled his phone from his pocket and turned it on, his eyes widening. “Ah _fuck_. I had my phone on mute.”

            The sound of their basecamp door buzzing made both of the gang members stop and look over at the entrance hall, dark and foreboding if it were not for the LED lights along the walls. Both Yongguk and Jongup walked through, the younger holding bags of food and the older holding a file with papers. Himchan and Daehyun hadn’t even finished cleaning and Himchan could feel the headache start to come.

            He never got a break, did he?

            “Got our new hit.” Yongguk’s voice broke the silence in the air, deep and reverberating. He walked over to the duo standing at watching them, dropping the file on the table which had been cleared of bottles. “Himchan, you should read through it and see if it’s worth it, then talk with them. I didn’t meet the actual people, just the messenger who gave me that. Their number is written if you need confirmation.”

            Himchan pulled a face and looked at the file with absolute contempt, as if the yellow paper was the sole cause of his misery. “I will. Jongup, you can put the food in the kitchen. I’ll go through it right now. You,” He pointed to each of them before Jongup had a chance to make his escape, “all are going to clean this shit hole.” He waved his hand absently and Jongup quickly made his way to the kitchen. Himchan stepped forward to follow after but was stopped by a firm hand, his head turning to see who it was.

            Yongguk’s grip on his arm tightened and Himchan’s body relaxed slightly. “Himchan, don’t worry, okay? We’ll clean up. The safe is still locked down. Our other fake basecamps are still in tact and we haven’t been found out. Just focus on your role as the leader of the group.” The younger of the two couldn’t help but nod slightly and pat the hand on his arm in understanding. Yongguk let up and smiled the bright gummy smile that he always reserved for him, Himchan’s worries letting up as well.

            “I won’t worry, Yongguk.”

            Daehyun snorted loudly and made a gagging sound, tossing the last few bottles into the bin. “Please, get a room.”

            Himchan threw up the bird and walked away, chuckling loudly. “Fuck yourself, Jung Daehyun.” He ruffled Jongup’s hair as he walked past him into the kitchen, the younger huffing in protest but nonetheless staying quiet as he went to help the others clean the main room of the garage hideout.

            Picking up the manila folder, Daehyun opened it curiously and flipped through its contents. “Huh. That’s a weird request, isn’t it, Yongguk?” Yongguk looked up from where he was collecting papers from the floor and raised a brow in a silent question. “We’re hitman aren’t we? Why do they want the target alive?” Yongguk shrugged, but offered his own answer slowly, as if chewing his thoughts and spitting them into words.

            “Maybe they want to have the pleasure of killing him? Himchan will figure it out some more when he talks with them.”

            Daehyun put the folder down and sighed softly, the small feeling of something wrong never leaving his gut. “I guess you have a point. Himchan will figure things out. He always does anyway.”

           

 

 

           By the time Himchan managed to gather the other three members it was late into the evening. He had spent the whole day going over the recent hit and confirming things with the unknown donator – hell, even the voice on the phone call sounded altered. It seemed fishy, but the money was good and Himchan wasn’t the type to turn down a good offer. After getting the first sum of money, a hefty 20 grand, from the specified location, the unknown voice had promised to give the other 20 grand when the target was secure and alive. Himchan didn’t ask questions. It was business after all, he was just doing his job of protecting their group and providing for them.

            “Alright, they expect the deal to be set within three weeks. Daehyun, you have two weeks to gather information on our target. Yongguk, you’re in charge of making sure Yixing gets us those new weapons we asked for and setting the plan into action. Jongup, you already know what you have to do. Just make sure you don’t hurt him too much when you get him.” Himchan looked around at the others, brow cocked in question. “The payment was split, so once we get that target we get the other half. Do you all understand what you have to do?”

            Daehyun opened his mouth but shut it quickly when Himchan stared at him pointedly. He rolled his eyes in annoyance and leaned back against the couch, throwing his feet onto the table. “Yes, boss. Understood.”

            “Good. Now then, the target is Yoo Youngjae,” Himchan pointed to the picture of the man, young and smiling, pinned to the blackboard. “26 and inheritor of his family’s convenience store. The men who want him are debt collectors. Daehyun, keep your mouth shut. Anyway, I’m guessing he can’t pay his debt and is collectively being hunted down by these men. Poor guy, but it is not our job to pity those who are targeted. Let’s do our job and get the other 20 grand, understood? We need Yoo Youngjae alive and relatively unhurt.”

            Jongup gave a strict nod and twirled the knife in his hand before closing it and shoving it in his pocket. “Three weeks is enough for me and Yongguk to rake up a plan to lure Youngjae in, if Daehyun gets the right information.”

            The man aforementioned let out a mock hurt scoff and smacked Jongup’s head lightly. “Rude. I always do my job correctly. But, Himchan isn’t it weird how they want him alive and they’re _debt_ collectors? Why couldn’t they just go to him and get him to pay up the debt?” Daehyun leant forward in his seat, putting his feet down and resting his elbows on his knees. He waited expectantly for the leaders answer.

            Himchan rapped the board with his finger and clicked his tongue. “Hell if I know. It’s fishy, but we aren’t here to ask questions. We do our job and we get paid for it. That’s the end of the story. Daehyun, you start tomorrow. Three weeks from now, on Monday, the mission should be complete. I will be expecting reports of how everything is going. Understood?”

            Yongguk spoke for all three of them, shutting up the beginnings of a typical Daehyun rant. “Understood, Himchan.”

            “Dismissed then.”

            The three of them scrambled up to their feet, Daehyun with a relatively huffy attitude but still obedient as he made his way to his quarters, shared with Jongup. He threw himself onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling, listening to the soft rustling of Jongup getting into bed, indicating the quiet man was alive. “Himchan is such a dick sometimes, huh Jongup?”

            Jongup let out a quiet hum and rolled over in bed, every single action audible to Daehyun. “Himchan knows what he’s doing, Daehyun. He has to be like that to keep us in order.” Daehyun only sighed and threw an arm over his eyes.

            “I guess. It’s just…fishy, ya’know? Keeping the target alive. It feels fake. Himchan isn’t even acknowledging it.”

            The sound of the bedsheets rustle again and Daehyun rolled onto his side to see just why Jongup is so shifty today. Jongup was playing around with the small pocket knife he kept on his person, the metal glinting in the dim lighting of their room.

            “Jongup.”

            “Just trust Himchan, Daehyun. I’m sure he knows what he’s doing.”

            Daehyun huffed loudly and rolled back over. “Right, like you would know-”

            Jongup interrupted him, his voice slicing through his sentence, cold as if it were an icicle breaking the air in its sharp decent. “He took me in when I was only _16_ , Daehyun. I’m pretty sure he knows what he’s doing, considering we’ve all been together for 6 years.”

            The older shut up at this and closed his eyes, his stomach churning with guilt. He shouldn’t be second thinking Himchan’s decisions and thoughts. They aren’t the innocent, cowardly newbies anymore, always asking questions and bugging Himchan about his decisions.

            “Right. Sorry.”

            They’ve been in the business for so long, famous among the residents of Seoul and elusive from the hands of the law, controlling the entire east wing of the city. ‘Matoki’ they called them, and Himchan had decided it would be their group name – known among _everyone_ and hardly rivaled, except by FanXy; a group controlling the west of Seoul. They were the biggest, yet smallest gang. Himchan was never the type to include more people into his small “family” as he called it. Sure, they had other _members_ , but they were all low rank goons, faceless and nameless. They would never have the luxury of living in the basecamp.

            It had and would always be just the four of them.

            “Go to sleep, Daehyun. You have to leave early tomorrow to stalk out the target.”

            Daehyun chewed his lip and let out a loud sigh, doubt settling in his gut. “Yeah. Okay, I will. Goodnight, Uppie.”

            He received a snort in return.

 

 

 

            Himchan rested his hand atop of Daehyun’s head and ruffled the chocolate strands affectionately, his lips curled into his typical smile. “Good luck, Daehyun.” The younger man sent him a strange look and swatted the hand away from his head. It seemed like the leader was in a much better mood than yesterday, though Daehyun suspected a large reason for it was the fact they were getting paid a lot for this hit.

            “I don’t need luck.” He responded, turning on his heel and saluting the rest of the gang members as he walked towards the door backwards. “Work hard on that plan, guys. See ya.” Daehyun turned back around and exited the basecamp, shutting the door behind him and listening for the familiar click of the lock. He swept his eyes around the area and proceeded on his way to the convenience store, hands stuffed in his hoodie pockets. Yongguk had suggested a casual look, since the target wasn’t one they had to lure out of clubs or fancy establishments, and Daehyun had agreed with hesitation.

            Peering behind him and watching the basecamp slowly become an unnoticed building in the midst of the rundown alleyway, lined with dilapidated stores and hotels, Daehyun grinned to himself. The perfect cover for 6 years. Turning his head back, the info broker picked up his strides, confidence in each step as he walked to the convenience store – which, was not far from their camp. He stepped inside the cool store, air-conditioned air swirling around his body and seeping into the thin hoodie. Daehyun resisted the urge to shudder and was met with a cheery voice welcoming him, slightly off tone and loud; but it was polite and warming.

            Daehyun looked at the owner of the voice and was met with a striking image. Youngjae looked completely different from the hit picture. His hair was parted slightly, light brown strands falling into his eyes and framing his full cheeks. A hamster, that’s what the target looked like. The hitman blinked owlishly and walked up to the kiosk, leaning an elbow on the counter. “Hey, can I get a pack of cigarettes? Any brand will do, just make it light.”

            “You do realise smoking is bad for you?” Youngjae said as he turned around to grab the pack from the shelf, sliding it onto the counter. His brow was cocked in question and Daehyun realized that it was just the standard ‘interrogation’ stores used when selling cigarettes.

            The man grinned brightly, seemingly catching Youngjae off guard. “Yeah, I know. They’re not for me though.” Daehyun slipped a few bills over and grabbed the pack quickly, shoving it into his pocket. “Say, you look familiar. Have we met somewhere before? I’m Dae.”

            Youngjae sent him a strange look before laughter bubbled out of his throat, loud and almost obnoxious, like an alarm. Daehyun found it odd, how happy and carefree their target was, unsuspecting of his future; but then again, he found himself thinking that a lot whenever he went to investigate their targets. “Okay, _Dae_. I’m Youngjae, and no we haven’t met before. Do you say that to everyone you meet?”

            Just as Daehyun was to open his mouth and form a response, a loud squeal broke the start of his sentence. “JaeJae!” The voice was high pitched, childlike and cracked halfway in the middle. The hitman turned to look for the voice and was met with a…child? No more than 13 or 14, young but tall and lanky. This was _not_ in the profile they were given and the appearance of the kid made Daehyun falter slightly, worry building up in his stomach. Their target was Youngjae, so why was there a child they didn’t know about?

            “Junhong, hey buddy.” Youngjae responded quickly, motioning for the kid to run over with an arm. The kid – Junhong – did just that and buried his face in the mans side, a wide grin plastered on his face and his cheeks flushed from running. “What’s up? Make it quick, kiddo. I have a customer to take care of.” He ruffled the kids hair, bleached blonde with gray ends. Daehyun quietly wondered _who_ would dye a child’s hair like that, but didn’t voice his opinion, observing the scene. It provided more information on their target, that’s for sure. But now there was an obstacle.

            Junhong pulled away slightly and looked up at Youngjae with wide eyes. “Heejun said that he had a really cool toy at his house. Can I go to his house? Please?” He whined, pleading with his eyes, all big and puppy like. Daehyun raised a brow and found himself being unable to resist the kids charms and had he been his guardian, he would have let him go no problem. The same thoughts seemed to cross Youngjae’s mind and he smiled at the boy, ruffling his hair.

            “Yeah, sure. Just be home before 3, okay?” Youngjae shooed Junhong away, who ran off with a happy laugh. He turned to Daehyun and smiled apologetically, holding out the change for the product. “Sorry about that. Here’s your change, by the way.” Daehyun took the money and shoved it into his pocket, smiling back and shaking his head. “My cousin is out of town for two months so she made me watch her son. He’s my nephew.”

            “No, no. It’s fine. He’s a cute kid, and to answer your question from earlier, I don’t ask every person I meet.” Daehyun flashed him a wink and made his way out of the convenience store, his stomach dropping slightly. He missed the bewildered look on Youngjae’s face, his focus on his phone. He did in fact say that to every person he met – it was his standard ‘hook, line and sinker’ phrase. They would become addicted to him, vying for his attention and affection. It made them easier to convince, to draw information out of.

            **Info Whore – 10:30 AM**

_Himchan, we have a problem._

**Bossy Bitch – 10:31 AM**

_Spill it, Daehyun._

**Info Whore – 10:31 AM**

_Our target is accompanied by a kid._

 

           

              

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MONDAY + TUESDAY (WEEK ONE)


	2. trust me and follow me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun! Some suspense. The next chapter will have more Jongup, promise. Have any questions? Leave a comment and I'll clarify anything you're confused about!

            Daehyun buzzed himself into the basecamp, walking through the dimly lit hallway and peering into the main room, neat and clean. The table in the middle of the room still carried the folder with their targets information, the leather couches around it worn down from use. Various succulents and plants littered the corners of the room, the artificial light burning Daehyun’s eyes slightly as he collapsed onto the rundown couch with a heavy sigh. He shut his eyes, the layout of the room burned into the darkness; the garage basecamp with it’s various ins and outs, rooms and secrets. Secret’s Himchan knew the best, after all he had been the one to make the place.

            His head pounded, one thought running through his mind. The kid, the _damn_ kid who just made the situation worse and blocked the beginnings of their plans. Daehyun’s phone vibrated, ringing loudly in his hoodie pocket and he reluctantly got it out. Everything always went according to plan; the target information always provided all the starting information he needed to use before prying deeper. This target’s info didn’t say _anything_ about a kid. Perhaps he was overreacting, given how early in the process they are of scoping out the hit, but the info broker just couldn’t shake off the feeling of having something block their perfection.

**Matoki Chat**

**Bossy Bitch – 10:58 PM**

_Meet in the main room at 2 PM. Do not be late._

**Gummy Bear – 10:58 PM**

_I might be late by five minutes. Yixing’s being an ass about the weapons. Something wrong?_

**Bossy Bitch – 10:59 PM**

_Explanation will be at the meetup. Make sure Yixing gets those weapons to us, no matter the process._

**Yeup – 11:00 PM**

_Understood._

**Gummy Bear – 11:00 PM**

_I will, Himchan._

**Info Whore – 11:00 PM**

_I’m already in the main room. Gonna nap until you guys get back. Also got you your cigarettes, Himchan._

**Bossy Bitch – 11:01**

_You have a room. Use it. And thank you._

Daehyun rolled his eyes and pocketed his phone into his pocket, hopping up from the couch. It felt empty without the other members bustling about, arguing or making jokes to fill the silence. The entire basecamp consisted of no windows, the only source of light the bright fluorescent bulb in the ceiling of the main room and the mockingly aesthetic neon lights in the other rooms. Daehyun strolled over to his shared quarters and collapsed into the desk chair, pulling out the paper and pen he used to report incidents to Himchan. Even if he could just text everything, Himchan demanded they be old fashioned and report through paper, claiming it “helped him organize” better.

            He scoffed at the thought as he wrote down his observations, including the times the convenience store closed and opened. He would need to spend more time with the target for more in depth information, something he usually didn’t do as their other hits typically were done within a few days to a week. Two weeks felt like an eternity. Two weeks monitoring their target and potentially a kid.

            Daehyun wanted nothing more than to rewind time and reject the hit.

 

 

 

            His fingers around the phone tightened, knuckles white from the force. The cigarette fell to the ground of the rooftop, a neatly polished shoe coming down on the cancer stick and stomping out the light, a trail of smoke fizzling out and reaching its way into the air. Himchan listened to the mechanical voice on the other end of the phone repeating its message for the fourth time, telling him that the caller was unavailable. His anger was boiling and the headache was threatening to come back full force, fingers deftly working across the touch screen and redialing the phone for the fifth time. It had _never_ been this hard to get in contact with a client, yet here he was struggling to even get in contact with the damn contractor who wanted this target dead.

            “Hello?” The voice on the other line finally spoke and Himchan released a sigh, his anger escaping him and being sucked up by the outside air like a vaccum. Finally, a response. “Hello, it is Chan from the company. Are you the one who wanted a man named Yoo Youngjae?”

            The voice on the other end crackled slightly, replying back with a warped response of “yes” and Himchan held the phone down with his cheek as he pulled out his notepad and a pen, ready to get more information once he explained the situation. “Well, it seems we have difficulties with the client. You failed to specify the client has relatives currently visiting him and that relative is a child. Seeing as that is an obstacle in the job, how would you like us to settle this?”

            There was a pregnant pause and Himchan chewed his lip, his brows creased in frustration at how long it was taking for the client to answer. “Kill the kid. We’ll offer another 20K if you do. Don’t let anything stand in the way of getting Yoo Youngjae.”

            Himchan’s stomach dropped slightly at the response but nonetheless noted it on the paper. They’d never gotten a client who wanted to kill a child before, and the mere idea of it made Himchan’s stomach lurch unpleasantly – but another 20K was massive. Business was business, wasn’t it? The voice on the other end, still masked and warped continued talking and revising the idea, Himchan’s hand working tirelessly as he noted the changes. Each change made him feel more and more uneasy; they’d never gotten such a task before in their 6 years of working as hitmen.

            “I will contact you again once we have made the decision.” Stuffing the notepad back in his pocket, Himchan ended the call and let out a stuttered sigh, running his hand through his hair. How could he break the news to his team members? No doubt they would all protest the idea, but 20K was tempting and money was above all in this industry.

            Business was business.

 

 

 

            Himchan’s eyes swept over the three figures sitting on the worn-out couches and clapped his hands together loudly, clearing his throat. “Alright. Now that Yongguk is _finally_ here, let me get started on our little emergency meeting. It is still extremely early into the task, so there is no need to panic.” Six pairs of eyes stared back at him expectantly and Himchan continued talking, handing a new file to each of the other members. “It turns out our client failed to realise or did not know that Yoo Youngjae was watching over a child.” The leader noted the suspicious look on Daehyun’s face and decided he would need a private talk with the man later. “And the time frame has changed as well. We have two weeks to finish this hit, so that means by Friday of next week we should have Yoo Youngjae in the specified transaction location, which has been changed and notified in the new file.”

            Yongguk cleared his throat and flipped through the pages, raising a brow. “And the kid? Are we to just ignore him?”

            Here his stomach gave a distasteful churn and Himchan shook his head. “The client has requested the child be killed for an extra 20 grand. Which means this one hit has a total of 60K on the line.” He looked at the reactions of his members and his stomach lurched again. Jongup’s face had turned white, Yongguk’s lips drawn into a tight line and Daehyun looked like he would vomit. “I wanted to discuss this change with you all before confirming it with the contractor.”

            Jongup spoke first, his voice uncharacteristically loud as he protested the idea. “Himchan, we can’t. He’s just a kid, isn’t he? He’s what?” Daehyun butted in with a quiet “13 or 14” and Jongup’s hands trembled at the mere idea of killing a child. Himchan could see the anger seeping from the younger and clenched his jaw. “13 or 14, Himchan. _13 or 14_. He’s around my age when you fucking got me in this business.”

            It hit too close to home for Jongup and Himchan felt sorry.

            “Himchan…” Yongguk’s voice was low and deep, his words coming out of him slow and thoughtful. “We don’t kill children. We’ve never had to kill children.”

            Daehyun stayed silent.

            The leader ran a hand through his hair and swallowed down the dread in his throat. “We’re going to take the deal.” He could feel their stares boring into him, shooting bullets into his skin for making such a decision. It was for the best, wasn’t it? “Our job is to take hits. We have no say in it, nor should we be empathetic to our targets. We shouldn’t be emotionally attached to people we have to kill.” The suspicion of the hit continued to choke him like a monster, its tendrils wrapping around Himchan’s throat and making it hard to breath. The job felt _wrong_ but Himchan was never the type to turn down a good money offer.

            Jongup opened his mouth to protest again but Himchan shut him up with a hand and gave them all a stern look, though his entire body felt like it was being crushed by a giant weight. “Daehyun, you have to scope out both the kid and Yoo Youngjae tomorrow. Change the plans you all have now to fit the new time frame. Dismissed.”

            The three members got up reluctantly from the couch and Himchan’s legs felt weak as he watched them leave, turning their backs on him and heading to their quarters. It hurt him even more when he saw Yongguk heading to their shared quarters, shutting the door and he could hear the audible lock. He wasn’t sleeping in there tonight.

            It was for the best, wasn’t it? Business was business, right?

            Suddenly Himchan didn’t think so. His hands trembled as he called the contractor again, this time the call being picked up on the first ring.

            “We’ll accept the new tasks. Leave the 20K in the warehouse near the abandoned railway. I’ll have my men pick it up.”

            Himchan felt like throwing up. Putting his phone away he walked to Daehyun and Jongup’s room, knocking on the door. “Daehyun, I need to talk with you privately for a moment.” There was sounds of movements on the other end and Himchan moved back slightly, chewing his lip. He hadn’t forgotten the suspicious look that crossed Daehyun’s face when he was talking. He mustered up a smile as Daehyun exited the room and motioned for him to follow. “We’ll talk in the kitchen.” Where he could render Daehyun useless if he tried to get physical – a low move, but Himchan needed to make sure the suspicion was not regarding him. He couldn’t have his own men side eyeing him.

            Daehyun raised a brow but followed nonetheless, leaning against the cool granite counter with his arms crossed. “Alright, what’d you want to talk about?” His voice came out snappier than he meant to, but Daehyun couldn’t care. They were going to kill a child, for fucks sake. The thought of it made his stomach turn and bile rise in his throat. It was like rewinding time and killing Jongup.

            “Watch your tone.” Himchan responded, looking Daehyun over and then sighing, his shoulders slumping slightly – surely a sign of weakness but right now the man could care less. “Does the hit we have rub you the wrong way, Daehyun?”

            Daehyun scoffed loudly and rolled his eyes, nodding. “I wonder what tipped me off. The whole thing smells fishy, Himchan. I mean, now these _debt collectors_ want to kill a child? What if they’re not debt collectors? I know you say not to question things because ‘business is business’ but this just…I don’t know, Himchan.”

            Himchan rested a hand on Daehyun’s shoulder and squeezed tightly, watching the youngers face contort into mild pain. “We don’t have a right to refuse a lot of things, Daehyun. They would have offered more money had I refused. It feels strange, I know, but business is business. I’m sorry that you have to feel the guilt of stalking out a child alongside the target.” His mind flickered to Jongup and how he would have to physically kill the child. His stomach lurched again. “Just…trust me, okay? If things go wrong, I’m fully to blame. I’m doing my best to double check everything and talk things through with the contractor, but he – they, it whatever – only contacts through a warped voice or some middlemen. It’s fucking painful.”

            The younger listened and swatted the hand off of his shoulder, letting out a frustrated sigh. “I trust you Himchan, but…but, this just…” Daehyun ran a hand through his hair and threw his hands up. “Fine, whatever. I trust you. Whatever happens is your fault, like always. I’m going to my room then, I’m fucking tired.” He shook his head and stormed out of the kitchen, the anger seeping out of him and making Himchan wince slightly.

            Rubbing his face tiredly, Himchan bit back the urge to sob. 6 years of being the leader of their gang was taking its toll on him, everything seemed to be barreling its weight against him, battering him until it wore him thin. Without another word, he went to his office and shut himself inside the dark room, head held in his hands as he sat at the wide desk. He was going to lose their trust, wasn’t he? 6 years of bonding and he was going to lose it all over killing some kid and a fucked up hit? He was strong, but even 6 years of time took its toll on the gang leader and Himchan wanted nothing more than to lean on someone instead of constantly bearing things himself; instead of shouldering all of the responsibility. Yongguk was holed away, perhaps cursing him and Himchan didn’t blame him.

            He certainly was just a greedy pig for money, wasn’t he?

            But that was how the world went around.

 

 

 

            “Welcome back, Dae.” Youngjae said, cocking a brow as he reorganized the shelfs stocked with junk food, Junhong right at his side. Daehyun gave him a mock salute and walked over, pursing his lips as he picked out a few bags of chips – ones Jongup liked the most.

            Daehyun gave him a lopsided smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, his mind chanting ‘business is business’ over and over. He wouldn’t allow himself to become attached to the kid. “Yeah, I am. This place isn’t far from where I live. Hello, Junhong.” He waved to the kid, who gave him a shy smile and small wave in return, hiding behind Youngjae. “I’ll take these to the counter then and wait for you.” Youngjae grinned in return and Daehyun’s heart lurched; it was the first time he’d seen anyone with such a pure smile, full of _something_ the hitman couldn’t pinpoint. Something he felt he’d lost in the 6 years of working like this, luring people in and ending their miserable lives.

            Suddenly he didn’t feel like killing Yoo Youngjae and Junhong was a good idea. His doubts spun in his head, the gut feeling returning full force.

            Youngjae whispered something to Junhong before heading over to the counter with Daehyun, walking behind the register and grabbing the bags of chips from the man. “Well then, glad this place can serve your cravings for…shrimp chips.”

            His arms fell on the counter and he leaned forward as Youngjae scanned the items, chuckling. “Again, not for me. But, how come you recognized me? I’ve only been here once, Youngjae.” Daehyun watched as Youngjae looked up, inspecting the way his face turned slightly red and the feeling in his gut burned. Their hit was developing something for _him_ , when he’d only seen him once. It felt like every other hit at that moment, the way their feelings for him were spontaneous, building up after seeing him once – but then again, it was his own fault for flirting with them and breaking their barriers so easily.

            Daehyun was sick of it, but it kept their money flowing.

            “I remember people who stand out, Dae.” Came the reply, Youngjae’s voice wavering slightly. Daehyun threw him a cat-like grin and cocked a brow, though it held no usual confidence, not that Youngjae would realise it.

            “So I’m special?” He slid over the cash and grabbed the bag with his chips inside, waiting for Youngjae to return his change. Daehyun watched the store owner fumble with the money, obviously caught off guard with the sudden question.

            Youngjae scoffed and handed Daehyun the bills in exchange, shaking his head. “Sure, if that floats your boat.” His phone gave a short ring, signaling a message and Youngjae checked it, his face going pale. He looked up to Daehyun and offered him an apologetic smile. “Hey, listen I know we don’t know each other well but you seem trustworthy,” Daehyun scoffed internally at this (trustworthy? He felt more like a snake), “so can I bother you to watch over Junhong for a couple of minutes while I run an errand?”

            Daehyun gave him the best smile he could muster, trying to seem warm and trustworthy. “Sure thing, Youngjae. I’ll babysit the little guy.” A sigh left the other mans mouth and Daehyun set his bag on the counter, watching Youngjae rush over to Junhong and explain everything before escaping the convenience store. Daehyun bit the inside of his cheek – he would need to figure out what the errand was and stored the question in his head, opting to interrogate Junhong (in a friendly way of course) to gather information on both of them.

            Killing two birds with one stone.

            “So…Junhong, right?” Daehyun tilted his head, eyes crinkling as he smiled. Partially because of Junhong’s pout at the question and partially because he founds kids adorable – he reminded him of Jongup when he was 16. Quiet and shy around strangers.

            Junhong crossed his arms and walked over, standing behind the counter and leaning against it. “You said my name a while ago, why’re you asking now?” His voice came out whiny and Daehyun resisted the urge to laugh. It was cute. Daehyun held his hands up in a surrender.

            “You have a point, okay. So Junhong, how old are you?”

            Intrigued by the questions, Junhong gave him a wide grin and bounced on his heels. So, talking to the kid definitely made him excited – perhaps he didn’t spend a lot of time with people outside of ‘Heejun’ and Youngjae. “I’m 14! I go to this _really_ big school with a bunch of kids. My best friend is Heejun, he’s younger than me though.” He seemed to pout at this and Daehyun was struck dumbfounded by the influx of information from the kid. “How old are you, Dae?”

            Daehyun chuckled and tilted his head back, humming as if he were in thought. “Mm…I forget, I’ve lived for so many years.”

            “Are you a vampire!?” Junhong’s voice grew excited, his dark eyes sparkling as he stared at the older man in fascination. Daehyun shook his head and reached out to pinch Junhong’s cheek, grinning at the huffy pout he returned. Perhaps Junhong was easier to interact with than he thought, his mood seemed to sway based on what Daehyun did – so Daehyun opted for being loud and friendly, keeping his teasing to a minimum lest Junhong grow upset.

            “Just kidding, I’m 26.”

            The kid grinned, wide and free. “JaeJae’s 26 too! You guys are so old.” He teased, laughing. Daehyun’s gut churned. Youngjae was possibly Junhong’s only closest relative, aside from the kids mother, and it _hurt_ to even think about losing someone as young as the kid.

            “Oh yeah? Just wait, you’ll turn as old as me soon.”

            Junhong shook his head, the mop of blond bleached hair flying wildly. “Noooo! I don’t want to grow up. Growing up _sucks_. JaeJae-” The kid stopped himself there and looked down, scratching the surface of the counter with a nail.

            Daehyun cocked a brow and tilted his head slightly, “JaeJae…what, Junhong?” He inquired, trying to coax the information out of the kid. It could do him some good.

            “JaeJae has to pay these mean guys money all the time and today he said it was the ‘last time’. I don’t want to grow up because then I’ll have to do the same, won’t I?”

            _Debt collectors_ , Daehyun’s mind shouted. He was confused, torn between the truth and the lie. The debt collectors wanted Yoo Youngjae dead because he refused to pay the debt, yet Yoo Youngjae _was_ paying the debt to the collectors – and today was the final day for his payment. What was going on here? “Oh, Junhong. No, kiddo, you won’t have to. Youngjae just owes them money. You won’t have to do any of that as long as you watch your money carefully.” He tried to not let his voice waver while talking, the sound of the convenience store bell ringing alerting Youngjae’s return. He turned around with a bright smile, never reaching his eyes and ruffled Junhong’s hair. “Welcome back, _JaeJae_.”

            Youngjae shook his head and rolled his eyes, heading behind the counter and resting a hand on Junhong’s shoulder. Daehyun noticed it stopped shaking. “Thank you Dae, for watching the little rascal. He didn’t give you a hard time did he?” Junhong looked up at him, offense written all over his expression and Daehyun laughed.

            “No, he didn’t. We just talked is all. He’s a cute kid, polite too. Well, I should get going, yeah? See you around, Youngjae.” Daehyun pushed away from the counter and grabbed the bag in his hand, heading for the door and turning around to give the two a wave.

            Junhong and Youngjae both raised a hand in return. “Bye, Dae.”

            Daehyun walked away from the convenience store, his mind reeling with the new information he’d gotten as he made his way to the basecamp. What did he tell Himchan? How would Himchan react? Were they still going to go through with the hit? Would Himchan confront these ‘debt collectors’ and demand for clarification. Were they really going to kill the kid?

            Something was definitely not right.

 

           

              

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUESDAY + WEDNESDAY (WEEK ONE)


	3. the sky has no start or end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long :(( I got sick and it was hard to write anything. Here we get a taste of Himchan and Jongup's background, though it was more Jongup centric. And, I feel like I should explain something - each chapter is divided into two days, with the following chapter continuing where the last chapter day left off. I'll be including the days each chapter covers in the ending notes. As always, leave a kudos and comment if you're curious about anything (members habits/personalities in the fic, ect)

            “Himchan,” Daehyun stood in the doorway of his leaders office with his arms crossed, “we have another problem.” He watched as the older man turned around, his hair messy and lips drawn in a tight line. His heart lurched. Their leader was going through some things as well regarding the hit and Daehyun wished once again he could rewind time. This hit was fucking them all up – it wasn’t a situation they’d ever experienced. No one ever had them drag out a hit for two weeks, this was abnormal for them in all their 6 years.

            Himchan blinked his eyes slowly and sighed quietly, cocking a brow and struggling to keep himself awake. He’d finally managed to get Yongguk to talk to him, even if it had been a few words regarding their plans for the capture of Yoo Youngjae and the death of the kid – Junhong – based on Daehyun’s current observations. No doubt the info broker had more information. “What is it, Daehyun?”

            Daehyun walked over and tossed the messily written report he’d written up just five minutes ago after coming back, ignoring Jongup’s questions as he sat at the desk, frustrated. “Yoo Youngjae has already paid the debt collectors, so our contractor lied about being a debt collector. And I also included some other information about the kid, so read over that.” He bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair, the words tasting like bile as he said them. “Take care of it, yeah?”

            “I will.” The response came back tired, Himchan’s tone almost sounding defeated and Daehyun wanted to ask his leader what was wrong – to help him ease away the stress but opted not to. Himchan did this to himself. The hitman still felt spiteful for the fact Himchan was going through with killing the kid and turned on his heel, leaving the office to the gang leader.

            The minute Daehyun exited the room, Himchan grabbed the report on his table and read it over, his teeth latching onto his bottom lip. This hit was bringing up more problems than any past hits they’d had and it was beginning to bug Himchan. _Take care of it_. The gang leader pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes, the pressure relieving him just somewhat even if it was painful. He pulled his hands back and filed the report away in the file for the hit, grabbing his phone.

            He was the leader. He couldn’t be weak. He was going to take responsibility for anything that happened – and he would stick by it like he’d always had. That was his duty and he was _not_ about to succumb to the stress that was slowly killing him.

            Himchan dialed their contractor once more, his brows drawn together as he thought about what to say. He’d never had to contact someone like this so often for any hit. “Hello?” He inquired as the line was picked up. “I’m going to ask one thing and I want the whole truth.” There was an exhale on the other end and Himchan took it as a “yes”. “You’re not debt collectors, are you? Yoo Youngjae has already payed off his debt.”

            Silence. Deafening silence that made the gang leader grit his teeth and reach for the pack of cigarettes Daehyun brought him the other day, opening it and popping the cancer stick in his mouth, lighting it while he waited _rather_ patiently for the response. Smoke curled from the cigarette, billowing and dispersing as it reached up, trying to escape the room.

            “Yes, we are not debt collectors. We are men with a particular vengeance against Yoo Youngjae.”

            Himchan inhaled the smoke, the bitterness filling his lungs and burning his throat before he exhaled it in a puff. “Then why did you lie about being debt collectors?” He lungs ached and burned, longing for more of the smoke to fill it and he took another drag of the cigarette, dragging the gray death across his mouth in waves before letting it out. “Well?”

            “We- Well, we thought you wouldn’t except the hit if we said we just had a vengeance.”

            He barked a laugh and tapped the cigarette against his ashtray, the burnt flakes falling off like ruined snow. Himchan’s gaze focused on the embers, watching them flicker hopelessly and die out, almost like the lives they took on an almost daily basis. “We don’t ask questions here unless our intel is off. If you want someone dead, we kill them, no matter the reason.” _Except, this time is different._ They were asking too many questions – this hit required it and it pissed Himchan off. “Your hit is causing us a lot of trouble, you know? But we will have Yoo Youngjae in the specified location, alive by the end of next week.”

            “And the kid?”

            Himchan faltered and killed the cigarette, grinding into the ashtray angrily. “He will be dead on that day. We are…” He looked over the plan Yongguk had scrambled together – it seemed good. “We are going to separate them and kill the kid. Do you need proof of it?”

            Another pause, silence and the sound of static breathing. “No. We’ve already payed you. We trust you to do your job.”

            “Understood.” Himchan cut the call and put the phone down, pinching the bridge of his nose and exhaling tiredly, his mouth feeling like cotton after smoking. So, they weren’t debt collectors, okay. A sliver of doubt broke free from his gut, the rest still bunched up. It still felt like a fishy job, but there was less doubt to go for. It just meant the contractors were scared of being found out – that was normal. It felt like the only _normal_ thing about this hit.

            He picked up his phone again.

**Matoki Chat**

**Bossy Bitch – 1:03 PM**

_Get in the main room. I’m going to clarify a few things._

**Yeup – 1:03 PM**

_Again? You’re making me quit my game because of this._

**Gummy Bear – 1:04 PM**

_Okay._

**Info Whore – 1:04 PM**

_Took you long enough to check up on everything._

**Bossy Bitch – 1:05 PM**

_You try reading files and talking with contractors, Jung Daehyun. Chop chop everyone._

Himchan stuffed his phone in his pocket and picked himself up from the desk chair, running a hand through messy black hair and walking to the main room where the other members had gathered. Jongup’s fingers ran across his phone screen desperately and Himchan assumed it was the game the kid was hooked on recently. _Kid_. That word stung.

            “I found out, thanks to Daehyun’s excellent intel work, that our contractors are not debt collectors,” The two (minus Daehyun, as he already knew) stared at Himchan in disbelief. “but are rather people with a vengeance against Yoo Youngjae. All our plans will continue as discussed and the kid will be killed on the day we capture Yoo Youngjae. They’ve already paid us.”

            Jongup ran a hand through his dyed hair, strands blue and faded. “Himchan, can’t we just _fake_ the kids death? There is no reason to kill him, is there, since they paid us?” Himchan sucked his teeth and looked up at the ceiling.

            “We’d be breaking the trust between contractor and contractee.”

            The youngest of the members tried again, his tone bordering pleading. “Himchan, come on. We don’t _kill_ kids. Think of me when I was around that age. It would be like killing me.” It hit the leader in a sore spot and he knew it, looking at Himchan’s reaction. Yongguk and Daehyun next to him tensed up.

            Himchan let out a stuttered sigh and tilted his head upwards, his eyes foggy as he thought about it, his stomach lurching. It was like killing Jongup, wasn’t it? His mind swam, memories of the young hitman hitting him like a truck.

 

           

 

_December 2012_

_Himchan carried the grocery bags in one hand, his phone occupying the other hand as he spoke – on speaker phone – to Yongguk. “Yes, I did get everything Yongguk.” He said, sighing loudly as the deep voice on the other end expressed his worry._

_“Are you wearing a scarf? You’re not going to get a cold, are you?”_

_He laughed and nodded, knowing Yongguk couldn’t see it. “Yes, I am wearing a scarf. No, I won’t get a cold.” It had already been 10 months since the creation of their group, three of them in the main head while a bunch of others were spread around in miniature groups. Overall, they had at least 30 men – which was good progress for a gang that had been active for 10 months. It was all thanks to Himchan’s previous experience and connections with the underground from his previous gang, of course. They did petty things at first and Himchan hoped they could grow bigger (he didn’t drop out of college at 24 to fail, after all). “You just focus on your classes, Yongguk. And make sure Daehyun doesn’t bring flings to the basecamp.”_

_Their basecamp was small and dingy, but Himchan had managed to decorate to the best of his abilities, expanding it as they needed. Of course, there was only so much you could do with an abandoned garage._

_“Okay, okay. Come back to the basecamp safely.” Himchan hummed his agreement and ended the call with a sly smile, his eyes flickering to the side and spotting a figure slinking away into the shadows. He pocketed his phone and turned around, his steps leading him into the alley where the figure had disappeared. His back pocket, minus his phone, was feeling empty and Himchan knew exactly what was missing; and the figure had everything to do with it. He let whoever it was feel like they got away with it, standing in the middle of the alley with a smile._

_“You’re not fooling anyone, you know?” His voice echoed in the emptiness of the alleyway, the shadows moving and letting Himchan know the thief was still here. “Come on, give me my wallet back. You’re not that slick.”_

_The figure shifted again and a boy stood in the dim light of the cloudy day, snowflakes fluttering down and littering the messy hair of the culprit like ashes. He looked young, though Himchan couldn’t tell for half of the kids face was covered by a dust mask, his clothes tattered and definitely too thin for the winter. His eyes were filled with something Himchan knew – something feral and wild – something he’d had once in his gaze. Something he’d seen in Yongguk’s eyes before._

_“Come on. Give it back kid.” Himchan set his groceries down and held out a hand, cocking a brow as he eyed the kid who seemed torn. Perhaps it was his first time getting caught stealing. The kid let out a huff behind the mask and walked over reluctantly, having nowhere else to go and Himchan assumed he wouldn’t want to pick a fight with an adult. Especially an adult nearing 6 feet compared to the others shorter build. He gave the kid a grin and took his wallet back. “Thank you.”_

_He earned a disappointed grunt._

_Every day from then, Himchan began to visit the alley and offer the kid something. Jongup – as he’d finally learnt was his name – was reluctant at first, wary of Himchan’s intentions (though really, Himchan had a soft heart and wanted to help). By the end of the first week of December, Jongup was spending at least an hour talking with Himchan. It was hard not to open up to Himchan, he had an aura around him that drew people in, made them want to agree and talk with him more._

_Jongup was caught by the charm._

_Himchan learnt that Jongup was 16 (it made his heart ache that such a young child would be living like this), his parents were no where to be found and that the kid had grown up in an orphanage before leaving it himself. By the second week of December, Himchan was attached to the kid far enough to go and call him “his child”. He’d told Yongguk and Daehyun all about him too, the two of them laughing at Himchan’s attachment, but calling Jongup cute when they’d seen a picture of him._

_Jongup was jaded enough for the job, Himchan decided. He was too young to live like this and too young to die like this. Jongup was broken enough to handle the weight of such a job, unlike Daehyun who’d agreed only to follow his disappointing crush on Yongguk. Daehyun was built up from the bottom. Jongup was already cracked from the beginning. Himchan was made into this. Yongguk was there for the scare factor._

_On the first day of the last week of December, Jongup agreed and they became a family of four._

_Incomplete but complete at the same time._

 

 

            Yongguk’s warm hand on his shoulder jolted him out of memory lane and Himchan shook his head, rubbing his eyes. He hadn’t killed Jongup for stealing from him back then, had he? What difference was this kid from Jongup? Junhong had done nothing wrong but exist, what right did he – did they – _have_ to kill a child. They didn’t kill children.

            “Okay.” Himchan sighed and slid his hands against each other, rubbing them together before putting them down, shoving them into his pockets. “Maybe we can fake the kids death – or I can call of the kids hit and give back the 20K.”

            Yongguk pulled away from Himchan and sat down on the couch. “It will be hard for us to fake the kids death without alerting Yoo Youngjae he is targeted, or giving away our identity to the kid, but I’m sure we can do it. Himchan, try and see if the contractors will call off Junhong’s hit. For Jongup, okay?”

            “I will. You’re all dismissed I suppose. I will text you all if anything else happens.”

            The three scattered once more, Jongup staying behind to give Himchan a tight hug. The shorter man buried his face in the leaders chest and Himchan’s heart broke – it must have hit harder to home for the younger. “Thank you, Himchan.”

            Himchan smiled weakly and ran his hands through Jongup’s hair, untangling the strands covered in hairspray. Jongup never hugged anyone, even when he was younger. “Mm. I’m sorry, Uppie. It must hit harder to home.” Jongup only nodded silently and pulled away, wiping at his eyes with the backs of his hands.

            “We don’t kill kids.” Jongup said once more, nodding as if he were satisfied with his words – or perhaps it was a form of brainwashing himself to believe it. They were hitman who’d never been told to kill a kid, yet here they were. Did they kill kids? Himchan didn’t know.

            Perhaps Jongup wasn’t as jaded as he’d thought. Perhaps none of them were as broken as he’d thought.

 

 

 

            Junhong’s bright voice was the first thing that greeted Daehyun as he stepped into the convenience store for the third time that week. “Dae!” The kid came running over, wrapping lanky arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. Youngjae laughed loudly and shook his head, walking over and prying Junhong away.

            “Sorry about him. I didn’t expect him to get this attached to you.”

            Daehyun laughed and smiled, his smile a bit brighter now that he knew Himchan was working hard on not killing the kid. He reached over and ruffled the kids hair. “It’s okay, he’s cute so I’ll forgive him. But,” He looked at the clock and raised a brow. “it’s 10 AM, should he not be in school on Thursday at this time?”

            “I don’t go to school until 1!” Junhong explained brightly, bouncing on his heels. “It’s a weird school rule, but I like it. Even though I have to come home really late and then JaeJae forces me to study.”

            Youngjae rested his hand on the kids shoulder and smiled. “The school is pretty far from here, and it’s split into different times classes since it’s an advanced school.”

            Daehyun smiled and knelt down. “That means Junhong is _really_ smart, huh?” Junhong blushed brightly and hid his face in Youngjae’s side, giggling. The hitman stood back up and stretched his limbs, grinning. “I actually don’t have anything to buy right now, but…I was hoping that maybe you’d like to hang out later today, when you’re not busy.” _Please take the bait. Please take the bait._ It was his only worthy chance of coaxing more information out of him and seeing how gullible he would be in certain situations – something he did with other targets.

            Most of the time it was a bar. Other times it was a movie theatre, or even a hotel. Daehyun chose the bar as his first ‘date’ with Youngjae. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to try other locations.

            Junhong tugged on Youngjae’s shirt and grinned at him. “Go JaeJae! It’s your chance to go on a date with Dae!” Youngjae turned red and hushed Junhong with a finger, looking over at Daehyun and laughing nervously.

            “I’m sorry about him. I don’t get out often, so he’s being very adamant about that.”

            A smile spread across Daehyun’s lips, his stomach lurching uncomfortably like it did whenever he did this with any target. When he’d been starting the job (following Yongguk like a lovesick puppy) Daehyun hadn’t minded such actions. It came easily to him. He was attractive, smooth and had a way with words – it wasn’t hard to get flings. But the emotional toll had piled up and for once Daehyun wished to be like Yongguk and Himchan. To have a stable relationship like they did; though, the current hit was only straining their 9-year relationship. But Daehyun was jealous. He wanted that. “Consider it a date, _JaeJae_.” He purred, his voice silky and velvety, like he always made it. He knew it made them weak.

            Youngjae faltered and a smile cracked on his lips, anxious yet excited. “Really?”

            “I’ll give it a chance. We should get to know each other, shouldn’t we? 8 PM tonight sound fine? Let’s meet at CRASH N.O.W.. Bars are fine, right?”

            “Yeah, sure thing, Dae.”

            Daehyun smiled – it felt bitter – and bid the pair goodbye, telling them how he felt bad for “intruding for such a short while”. Youngjae and Junhong responded happily, telling him “they were glad he came around and lifted the boredom”.

            Things were _finally_ piecing together, and Daehyun felt the doubt lighten. The hit would have no more flaws. They were going to pull this off perfectly and live up to Himchan’s phrase:

 _Best. Absolute. Perfect_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WEDNESDAY + THURSDAY (WEEK ONE)


	4. oh i wanna find you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are with the fourth chapter. Are you guys enjoying it yet? A bit of an NSFW warning here! I'm not quite sure if it would be dubious consent since both YJ and DH were drunk, but I'll warn you guys here. Skip the part starting with -- until you reach the next pair of --.  
> As always, excuse grammar mistakes and spelling. I'll be going back and editing whenever I can.

           Himchan paced back and forth in his office, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. A cigarette, lit and dying, was cradled between his fingers as he dialed the number for what felt like the millionth time that week. He pressed the cigarette to his lips and took a heavy drag, his eyes flickering to the nearly empty pack sitting on his table. It felt like it was taunting him, waving its sweet death like an attractive rose. The line finally connected and Himchan exhaled a breath, the gray smoke curling out of his lips.

            “Hello?”

            Setting the cigarette into the ashtray and burning it out with a deft flick of his wrist, Himchan responded. “Hello. I will be sending you the 20K given to kill the kid, as it turns out that will not be possible.”

            “…..Why can it not be done? We asked and _paid_ you to kill the kid.”

            Himchan let out a sigh and debated lighting another cigarette before deciding against it, not wanting to fill the office room with the strong smell – in case Yongguk came in and reported something new about the plan. “Turns out the kid is heading back to his mothers by the end of next week. There is no need to kill him.” It was a lie, but he hoped their contractors would just eat it up. He didn’t want to say they didn’t kill kids – it would portray their gang as weak-hearted. He didn’t need that image, not after working so hard to get them this far.

            “Alright. Understood, spare the kid since he won’t be a bother then. Bring back the 20K to the building where the transaction first took place.”

            With a relieved “understood”, Himchan ended the call and set his phone down, the steel silver case glinting in the dim lighting. Remembering that he had to update the other members, he picked it up and quickly sent a text to their group chat, hoping it would at least bring up their motivation to perform the hit. Without waiting for their responses, the leader put his phone back down and ran a hand through his hair. He sat back down in the creaking leather chair and pulled out a few files, some of them pending hits and others completed hits. He was behind in updating them and organizing them – so while the other members went along with their roles, Himchan worked on keeping everything together.

            It was his role.

**Matoki Chat**

**Bossy Bitch – 10:50 AM**

_Killing the kid has been called off. Yongguk, tell the B men to return the money to the transaction location located at the place I sent to you privately._

**Yeup – 10:50 AM**

_Thank you, Himchan. You’ve worked hard._

**Gummy Bear – 10:56 AM**

_Will do. Good job, Channie._

**Info Whore – 11:00 AM**

_Nice. Yongguk, Jongup, I should have more information by tonight. Gonna find out when he’s most vulnerable._

           

 

            Daehyun ruffled his hair, staring at himself intensely through the bathroom mirror as he ran the sticky gel through the dark strands. He had at least 30 minutes before the agreed date time with Youngjae and he’d spent around 15 minutes getting ready. He was eternally glad that he wouldn’t have to keep an eye on the kid as much – although Himchan had asked him to continue doing so just in case their contractors found out about the lie. He walked out of the bathroom, satisfied with how he looked and threw on the leather jacket over his white button up.

            Jongup looked up from his phone, laying on the bed and quirked a brow. “Is it one of _those_ dates?” He asked, though his tone is more than knowing after seeing Daehyun go through his routine countless times.

            “You know I don’t really have time for actual dates, Uppie.” Daehyun breathed out, looking over at the younger man and walking over only to ruffle his hair. “You should find yourself a date.”

            With a gentle whack of his hand, brushing away Daehyuns, the hitman looked up again and put his phone down. “I don’t have time for actual dates.” Jongup mocked the elders words, a pleased smirk playing on his lips. “I’m not that interested, Daehyun. I still have plenty of time, unlike your old ass.” He picked up his phone again and chuckled under his breath. “I’m more focused on our job than anything.

            _Job._ Yeah, Jongup was right. This was their job. Their career. Their life.

            Daehyun snorted and ruffled Jongup’s faded blue strands again. “Okay, game addict, whatever you say.” He pulled away before he could be hit again and walked to the door, flashing Jongup a wide grin. “Work hard on a plan with Yongguk, kid.”

            “Don’t call me _kid_!” Jongup grumbled loudly, his voice raising higher than his usual speaking tone.

            He laughed loudly as he escaped the room, bumping into Yongguk and giving him a polite bow. “I’ll send you the information I gather tonight, Yongguk.”

            A smile graced Yongguk’s lips, though it wasn’t the large gummy smile he always saw him give Himchan. Daehyun felt a slight pang of jealousy – Yongguk never gave them that smile as often as he did to Himchan. He doesn’t know if his feelings for the older man are there or not, and it _frustrates_ him. “I know, I read your text. Be sure to come back to basecamp before midnight, or Himchan will throw a fit.”

            Daehyun smiled weakly. He’d been on the receiving end of one of the leaders worried panic attacks and it was the first time he’d ever felt so guilty. It was an accident, a foolish one that was entirely his fault and he hadn’t known it would cause such a ruckus. The hitman had stayed out past midnight scoping out their target, his phone on silent, yet his phone was blowing up with texts from Himchan, each one more urgent than the next. He’d gotten home around 1 AM and was met with a nearly-in-tears Himchan, the other members clustered around him and trying to calm him down.

            Himchan had thought he’d died – and it was the first time Daehyun felt as if someone cared for him. He realised then that, Himchan felt a bond with each of them so strong. He felt responsible for their lives.

            “I will.” He responded after a moments pause, giving Yongguk another awkward bow and then heading out of the basecamp, walking through the dimly lit hallway, each step making his dress shoes click against the hard floor. Daehyun pulled out his phone and called a taxi to come pick him up, deciding that it would be easier to drive there than to walk the 10-minute distance from their basecamp. Tapping his foot on the concrete beneath him, Daehyun ran a filter of questions through his head that he could ask Youngjae, things that could make him vulnerable and easier to coax out with him.

            Even though he seemed fairly easily convincible now – he knew Himchan wouldn’t allow him to break away. Except for the weekend. The weekend was when he could take a break from everything and clear his mind.

            Daehyun looked up as the taxi arrived, opening the door and sliding in smoothly. The cool leather seeped its chilly warmth through his thin clothes as he handed the driver money and told him the location. He leaned back as they started driving, dark eyes staring out the window as the sun hid and the night slowly began to cast its darkness over Seoul. He bit his lip and pulled out his phone once more, putting the device on silence and thinking about their target.

            Youngjae had feelings for him – it wasn’t hard to notice at this point. Daehyun couldn’t help but feel _bad_.

            He wished he could be like that. Crush on someone so easily as he did before; before he became a jaded shell of fake smiles and flirty touches just to find information.

            He hated it.

 

 

 

            “Dae, you made it on time.” Youngjae shouted, raising his voice over the booming music. Daehyun sauntered over easily, his body flowing like a snake as he sat down on the bar stool next to Youngjae. The poor, poor, innocent man flashed the hitman a bright smile. “I ordered drinks for both of us. I wasn’t sure what you liked so I went with soju and beer for both of us, incase you wanted one or the other.” It was easier to hear each other this close over the music.

            Daehyun raised a brow in amusement and took a glass of the clear coloured alcohol, rimming the top of the shot glass with his finger. “Were you going to make yourself a glass of somek?” He pressed the glass to lips and took a drink of the soju, the liquid burning as it went down his throat but it was pleasant.

            The target grinned, wide and almost playful. “You caught me. I like mixing beer and soju, so arrest me.” Youngjae carefully poured the small shot of soju into the beer glass, carefully shaking it so it would mix up. He took a careful sip of the alcohol, setting the glass down with a ‘clink’ and leaning on his elbow. “I haven’t gotten out much these days, so excuse me if I’m a bit awkward.” Youngjae tapped his fingernails against the drink, a rhythmic ‘tap-tap-tap’. Daehyun watched his fingers before turning his gaze up to Youngjae.

            “Because of the debt-” He stopped himself there and cleared his throat slightly when Youngjae shot him a look. “Junhong told me.”

            Youngjae hummed. “Ah. Understandable. Yeah…because of _that_ , I had trouble finding time to go out and hang out with friends. It’s taken me 4 years to repay that debt my parents accumulated.” Daehyun let him talk, watching their hit take another sip of the somek drink. “But, it’s all over now. I didn’t think my cousin would say such things about me to Junhong.”

            At this, Daehyun gave a gentle chuckle. “Yeah, he was scared that when he grew up he would have to do the same. I told him he wouldn’t. Can I ask you a question, Youngjae?”

            “Sure thing, what is it Dae?” He raised a brow, bringing the golden coloured liquid to his lips again and finishing it off. Youngjae waved his hand silently while Daehyun prepared his question, the bartender filling up his glass with more beer – this time without the soju.

            Daehyun smiled, focusing his eyes on Youngjae’s lips to make the other feel as if he were interested. “Why do you work at the convenience store? I think you could do really well in business.”

            Youngjae creased his brow slightly, tilting his head. “Isn’t running a convenience store business? I took it after my parents, it’s where I’ve always worked, even as a kid.”

            “I don’t mean that kind of business. I mean like a firm. I think you’d do really well and maybe even climb up to be a CEO.” Daehyun clarified, motioning the bartender over to order a glass of whiskey. “ _But_ , I guess since it is your parents business it makes sense for you to keep working there. You just seem like you’d do good in that area of business.”

            Taking another sip of his somek, Youngjae laughed loudly. “I’ll take it as a compliment then. Where do you work, Dae? You seem to work later in the day, considering you visit in the morning.”

            Daehyun hummed thoughtfully, leaning forward on the counter and cocking a brow. “Where do you think I work, Youngjae?” He wanted to see just what the other man thought of him – it was interesting.

            Youngjae pursed his lips around the edge of the glass and set it down. “Hmm…I dunno. Since you’re good with kids, maybe a daycare? But, it wouldn’t make sense since they open at 8 or 9. Maybe you’re a freeloader?”

            “Neither. I work for my friend’s company. He has pretty lax rules about when we head to work, a long as its before 1.” Daehyun fibbed, swirling the copper liquid in his glass and taking a deep drink. “Surprised?”

            Youngjae snorted and nodded, picking up his drink again. “Yeah, definitely surprised. Well, then I’m sure you make good money. Not something I expected you to do though.”

            Daehyun grinned. “I’m full of surprises. But, enough about me. Let’s talk about _you._ ”

           

 

\--

And like that, they sat at the counter, exchanging banter and drinks. Daehyun took his time drinking, watching as Youngjae exposed his life even more with every drink he had. And he learned. Learnt that Youngjae had a fiancé that broke it off two years prior. Learnt that Youngjae’s only family now were his cousin and Junhong (it made Daehyun’s stomach lurch uncomfortably). Learnt that he was also probably more drunk than he should be after sitting for two hours with the man, drink after drink. Learnt that Youngjae was easy to manipulate and convince. Learnt more personal things than he should have.

            “Let’s head back, yeah? You’re drunk as _fuck_ , Youngjae.” Daehyun mumbled, sliding out of his chair and grabbing Youngjaes arms to pull him out of the seat as well. He turned to the bartender and smiled. “I’ll take him home, don’t worry. Here you go.” With some trouble, he pulled out some bills and put them down on the table. Youngjae hardly argued, latching onto Daehyun eagerly and burying his face in his neck.

            Youngjae’s place – where was it anyway? He didn’t even know. “Yo, Youngjae. Where the fuck is your place?” Daehyun nudged the other man, letting out a frustrated sigh. He should have called it quits earlier. His head was spinning from the alcohol; he’d indulged himself more than he usually would. Youngjae could be quite convincing if he had to.

            “‘s above…our store…” Youngjae responded, his words slurring together like soup and sounding muffled thanks to his face in Daehyun’s neck.

            _Fuck_. That was going to be a long walk. Daehyun fiddled in his pockets for his phone, his vision blurring slightly as he ordered a taxi to come pick them both up. Youngjae was thankfully quiet while they waited, the only noise he let out being the occasional grumble of ‘can we go home yet’.

            The taxi arrived faster than Daehyun anticipated and he threw (well not really threw) Youngjae into the back seat before following after him. He handed a few bills over to the driver and muttered the address with ease, buckling Youngjae in as he did so. The target was _very_ cooperative when he was drunk, Daehyun noted.

They drove in peace, arriving at the convenience store without a hitch. Daehyun pulled Youngjae out of the car and shut the door, the taxi driving away. Looking around, the hitman found a set of stairs from the side of the building leading upstairs and automatically assumed those were the stairs to the currently drunk store owners building. With a grunt, Daehyun hobbled up those stairs with Youngjae, gripping him tight and opening the door easily – surprisingly it was unlocked. With a click of his tongue, Daehyun locked the door behind them and shook his head to get rid of the dizziness.

            He was trying his hardest to act sober since he needed to get back to the basecamp before 12. It was harder than he anticipated, as each step was filled with some sort of stumble. The hitman continued dragging Youngjae along, passing by a room with “Junhong” written sloppily on a sign. Cute. Daehyun finally found Youngjae’s room, labeled with a sign in the same scrawled handwriting as Junhong’s. It was obvious the kid had made them.

            “Okay, we’re here Youngjae.” He pried the clingy man off of him with some difficulty, grunting quietly as he sat Youngjae down on the bed. Daehyun stepped back, watching with cautious eyes as Youngjae yawned loudly. Consdering he was free to go, Daehyun nodded to himself, satisfied and turned around, walking to the door.

            What he was _not_ expecting was to be grabbed by the arm quickly and dragged onto the bed, Youngjae’s body atop of his. Daehyun was glad he hadn’t made a noise out of surprise. He let out an annoyed sigh and shut his eyes briefly, the alcohol in his system taking a toll on his body. He was _tired_ as hell. “Youngjae, get the _fuck_ off. You’re drunk. I’m drunk. I need to get back home.”

            “No.” Came the adamant response from Youngjae. He lifted himself slightly, looking down at Daehyun and grinned dopily. “Stay with me…’m lonely.” As if the smile went so well with the comment – Youngjae didn’t seem to notice his actions did not fit the mood of ‘lonely’.

            Daehyun opened his eyes to find the target grinning at him and his vision swam slightly. The bed was comfortable, soft and billowy. He felt so…sleepy and comfortable. Except what Youngjae was doing was the complete opposite of wanting to sleep. Daehyun let out a quiet groan and stared at Youngjae in shock, his eyes catching the flicker of movement from his hips. “Youngjae, are you _horny_?” He should have expected it, considering alcohol and Youngjae’s feelings. He really should have.

            Youngjae let out a sleepy, slurred moan and rolled his hips again. “N..No..?” He bit his bottom lip and pinned Daehyun down with his hands, holding his shoulders as he sat up slightly. Daehyun’s eyes fluttered and he resisted the urge to buck his hips up. It had been so…so, so long since he’d done this with anyone.

            The alcohol was to blame. Yeah. This was why he was going along.

            Youngjae bent down and captured Daehyun’s lips in a searing kiss, teeth biting and tongue prying into his mouth. It was messy and wet, coordination off – but Daehyun reciprocated, the kiss making him feel even more drunk. The hitman’s hands came up to hold Youngjae’s hips as they grinded against each other, bodies hot and flushed. Youngjae’s cheeks were red from the affects of the drinks and the intimacy of their actions. They pulled apart, panting heavily and Youngjae’s hips continued to move, their clothed erections rubbing against each other.

            It was uncomfortable but _hot_. Youngjae’s body moved against his messily but rhythmically and Daehyun, not in his right mind, followed along in the captivating dance of theirs. Their quiet whimpers filled the air, the gentle moonlight filtering through the curtains and for the first time since he’d met Yongguk, Daehyun thought the man looked _beautiful._

            Youngjae’s head was thrown backwards, exposing his neck and his lips parted as he gasped for air, shuddering and breaking his breathing with silent moans. Daehyun wondered if he was sober enough to think about Junhong and not waking the kid up.

            But then again, Daehyun wondered about a lot of things. And now was certainly not a time to wonder.

            Daehyun was the first of them to let go, his fingers digging into Youngjae’s hips as he stuttered out a moan and gave one last desperate roll of his hips. The target bit out a groan and rolled his hips desperately, before collapsing into a drunken, tired heap atop of Daehyun. The hitman could care less at this point, his brain malfunctioning due to the energy expended and he sluggishly removed his hands from Youngjae’s hips.

            “….stay…” Youngjae mumbled again, delirious and drunk as his words dissolved into quiet snores, falling asleep almost immediately after. Within seconds, Daehyun was out like a light as well, uncaring of the uncomfortable wetness in his pants or the heat from Youngjae’s body.

                                       --                                       

 

 

            Daehyun opened his eyes and let out a hiss, his eyes burning at the brightness filtering through the window and hitting him in the face. His head was pounding like crazy, dark spots dancing in his vision. There was no more weight atop of him and he sat up, looking to his side and blinking rapidly to clear up the fuzzy vision. Youngjae lay next to him, blissed out and sleeping like a baby.

            A pit of regret bloomed in his stomach.

            They had done _that_ last night.

            The hitman crawled out of bed and went to the bathroom, washing up and trying to bring himself back to the real world, trying to convince himself that this _didn’t_ happen. It couldn’t have. He hadn’t been that drunk, had he? Daehyun looked down at his pants and bit the inside of his cheek. He would have to clean up at the basecamp. He walked back to Youngjae’s bed, finding a scrap of paper and a pen and jotting a quick message.

            _Youngjae,_

_I’m sorry about last night. We were both drunk. Please take care. I’ll come visit again sometime._

_Dae._

With that, he hurried out of the building, rushing down the stairs and fixing his leather jacket that was matted from being slept in. And then he remembered Himchan. And his phone. Daehyun pulled out the device and turned it on, his eyes widening at the amount of texts. 57 to be exact.

            It was currently 7:30 AM on a Friday and the last text from Himchan was at 6 AM today.

            **Bossy Bitch – 12:30 AM**

_Daehyun why aren’t you home yet?_

**Bossy Bitch – 12:35 AM**

_Jung Daehyun. Where are you?_

**Bossy Bitch – 12:40 AM**

_Daehyun. Daehyun. Answer your fucking phone._

**Bossy Bitch – 1:02 AM**

_I’m going to castrate you._

**Bossy Bitch – 1:15 AM**

_Please answer Daehyun. Please. I’m worried._

**Bossy Bitch – 2:25 AM**

_Dahyun I’m going crazy. You’re not dead are you?_

**Bossy Bitch – 2:41 AM**

_Please._

**Bossy Bitch – 6:00 AM**

_I haven’t slept. Where are you? Jung Daehyun, answer._

            Daehyun knew he was absolutely screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THURSDAY+FRIDAY (WEEK ONE)
> 
> Note: Somek is soju and beer combined.  
> Also, the next chapter is going to be solely Friday, since I don't intend on writing the weekends.


	5. increase the speed, trust your heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi! I have some news :( This chapter is mostly filler stuff because I am leaving this week and will be unable to write anything until I get back. So chapter 6 will be delayed for a long time and I wanted to leave you guys with something to read! Really sorry! But, it's a bit dramatic and you get to see more insight into their personalities and pasts. This all corresponds to future chapters, so keep it in mind :) Friday will be split into 2 parts. What do you guys think Daehyun will tell Youngjae?

            Daehyun tried as best he could to enter the basecamp quietly, though he knew it would be futile as the door buzzed loudly when he finished putting in the passcode. He heard footsteps rushing towards him as he shut the door behind himself, his body preparing to be hugged and yelled at.

            It didn’t come.

            He opened his eyes that he’d unknowingly shut and found Yongguk standing there, a worried smile stretched over his lips. “Himchan fell asleep 30 minutes ago…You’re safe for now. You’d better have a good reason for staying out that late and worrying the hell out of Himchan – he had a fit.”

            “I know, I know. I got 57 texts from him last night.” Daehyun muttered under his breath, sliding past Yongguk and slumping his shoulders. “Guk, I fucked up.”

            Yongguk raised his brows and leaned against the wall, the neon lighting falling across his face and creating a glow around him. Daehyun wondered if that was the Yongguk he’d fell in love with before – the angel who’d look ethereal with the sun radiating on his skin and making him shine. “How’d you fuck up?”

            Daehyun ran a hand through his hair, slightly greasy from a day without wash. “I slept with the target. I didn’t fuck him or anything, but we did…stuff. We were both drunk and I was more drunk than I should have been.”

            “Daehyun.”

            He sighed loudly. “I know, I _know_! It was stupid. I let my guard down a little bit.”

            “That’s not what I mean, Daehyun.” Yongguk corrected, his tone growing a tad sharp. “You’re not getting feelings for this target are you? It’s understandable since this is the longest outside contact you’ve had for a hit, but you know…”

            “Yeah, I know. Himchan will get mad that I might potentially ruin the hit.” Daehyun bit his lip and shook his head. “Don’t worry, Yongguk. I won’t. It’s just a one-time thing.”

            _Maybe_.

            Daehyun couldn’t deny that maybe he did feel something last night, from what he could faintly remember. But he was going to keep his mouth shut. It was just a spur of the moment, after all.

            Yongguk hummed thoughtfully and gave a gentle pat to Daehyun’s shoulder. “Okay, if you say so. I’ll be heading out to check some things with Yixing’s men, so if Himchan wakes up…good luck.”

            “I’ll need it.” Daehyun muttered half-heartedly as he watched Yongguk disappear behind the door, letting out a sigh as he braced himself for the inevitable scolding. If Himchan woke up. With heavy steps he walked in to the kitchen and made himself some breakfast, his stomach grumbling. The smell of food made him somewhat nauseous but he had to eat something to settle his appetite. He carefully placed the omelet atop of the rice and dribbled ketchup on it, letting out a soft sigh.

            He took a bite and let it melt together in his mouth, slowly eating the omurice as if it would prolong time and keep Himchan from waking up. He really hoped Himchan would forget about it, but the bastard had the memory of a flashdrive.

            The omurice tasted _good_.

            Daehyun put down the half-eaten plate down and shut his eyes, resting his forehead against the cupboards and letting out a desolate sigh. He definitely fucked up big time; nearly catching feelings (or maybe he had definitely caught them) for the target and even _sleeping_ in the same bed and doing _that_ with him.

            “…Does it taste good, Jung Daehyun?” A groggy voice floated through the kitchen doorway, the hitman whirling around in shock. Only to see a half-asleep Himchan, his hair a crows nest and dark circles under his eyes more prominent than usual without the touch of makeup the leader wears. Daehyun can’t help but feel guilty again and think that their strong, strong leader looks…almost dead.

            He must be tired, organizing and keeping tabs on all of them.

            Daehyun cleared his throat and offered a nervous smile. “Himchan…You’re up. Sleep well?” _Stupid_. What kind of question was that?

            Himchan snorted and walked over, grabbing the half-eaten omurice and taking a bite. “Oh _yeah_ , I definitely did. Staying up all night for your dumbass to come home and then sleeping for 30 minutes. Are you _crazy_? I thought you were dead.” His tone was kept even, his tongue harsh on words he emphasized, revealing only a layer of his anger. Himchan pointed the spoon, covered with rice, ketchup and some omelet, at the hitman, brows furrowed. “You’re absolutely out of your mind, Daehyun. What were you doing? You better explain yourself. I barely got over my fit last night.”

            He could imagine how anxious Himchan would have been last night, though he supposed it was worse than the last time he did this. Was their precious leader in tears and screaming? Or did he curse at everyone, kick and cry, and demand to go out to search for him?

            “Sorry Himchan…I went to get more information for Yongguk to help out with planning how we’re going to lure Youngjae out and some information for the contractors on breaking him.” Daehyun reached out and pulled the spoon from Himchan’s hand with some trouble – he didn’t want to be hit with that thing. “I got him drunk and I maybe got more drunk than I should have and we…did things?” His voice went quiet the more he continued with the story, feeling small as Himchan’s glare worsened and his jaw tightened.

            Himchan sneered, though it didn’t seem as strong as usual with the tiredness pulling at his eyes, his face pale. “You’re not allowed to go out for information today or this weekend, Daehyun. I’m worried you’ll fuck up the mission, especially if you catch feelings for Yoo Youngjae. It’s bad enough you’ve _slept_ with him.”

            Daehyun gawked – it wasn’t like he royally fucked up the mission yet! There was no reason for Himchan to ‘ground’ him. He wasn’t a child. “Aren’t you being a little bit unreasonable Himchan? I’m doing this for the mission, why would I fuck it up? Why would I catch feelings for someone I barely know? I already told you we were both drunk and he started it. He’s the one with feelings for _me_!”

            “No, this is perfectly reasonable Daehyun. You _know_ why no one is allowed out past 12 AM. Yet you didn’t follow the rules.” Himchan put the plate down and sucked his teeth, the sound grating Daehyun’s ears.

            How dare Himchan? He wasn’t _his_ dad. While he was the leader, he technically had no right to halt his investigation like that. _He_ was important to the success of the mission. Was Himchan willing to take the risk because of one measly mistake?

            Daehyun grit his teeth and slammed the counter. “Himchan! You’re not my fucking parental guardian! Just because your shithole parents couldn’t give _one_ fuck about you, doesn’t mean you have to fucking hound me. I’m _fine_ without your fucking presence suffocating me! My parents didn’t care, so why should you? Butt out for once! You’re so fucking paranoid about everything it’s fucking annoying.” His chest was heaving, harsh breaths of air escaping his nose and eyes flaring. He was tired of Himchan. At first it was okay, because he knew their leader was just worried – he knew their leader suffered from the anxiety of losing a “family”. But this?

            This was just too much.

            “We’re not going to fucking die. Chill out and shut your face for once. Worry about your own shit, not us. We’re _not_ a real family, there’s no reason for you to be like that!” Daehyun’s throat closed up, his heart sinking when he’d realised what words had spilled from his mouth.

            _Not a family?_ Take it back. Take it back now – he didn’t mean it. They were family. They were his only family. They were the only ones who cared about him.

            Himchan’s face hurt Daehyun even more. He looked as if he’d been slapped in the face, his eyes wide and lips quivering.

            But Himchan was stronger than that, wasn’t he? The gang leader reached a hand up and slapped Daehyun’s cheek, the force strong enough to leave a mark and the pain stinging like hell. “You...You’re _ungrateful_. You know what? Now you’re not allowed out of this basecamp for today and the weekend. Clean up your goddamn act.” Daehyun’s words stung like a thousand bullets and Himchan was _angry_ and upset. He felt sick to his stomach.

            Did Daehyun not think of them like a family? Was he sick of being in the group? Himchan’s stomach churned unpleasantly, the anxiety eating him up and clawing at his mental barrier without restraint. It surrounded him like a monster, it’s nails digging into his defenses and ripping them apart. His eyes watered and he turned away, biting his lip, before he stormed away into his shared quarters with Yongguk and left Daehyun standing alone in the kitchen. He wished the other was there to comfort him.

            “...You fucked up.” A voice pulled Daehyun out of his stupor of staring at the empty space where Himchan was just seconds ago. Jongup stood in the doorway where Himchan exited seconds before, his lips drawn into a line and arms crossed across his chest.

            Daehyun deflated. “…I didn’t _mean_ it. I was just so angry that he would ban me from doing my job over something so…trivial!” He threw his hands up in exasperation when he uttered the last word, his hands landing on his hair and running through it messily.

            Jongup walked over and grabbed the still unfinished omurice, grabbing the spoon and taking a bite leisurely as though their leader and Daehyun hadn’t had a fight. “I know. But he doesn’t. Isn’t it proper to apologize? You did bring up _his_ family matters. You know he has terrible separation anxiety because his parents dropped all care for him when he was younger.”

            “I know, Jongup.” Daehyun rubbed his face, feeling exhausted now. How was Jongup so nonchalant about everything? “I’ll apologize to him later, I swear. He won’t listen to me right now because he’s angry. Later. Promise.”

            The younger man raised his brows and finished off the rest of the food, nodding. “Okay. You better. I’m worried for him.”

            “Doesn’t look like it.” Might as well speak his mind now considering what he’d said to Himchan.

            “It doesn’t look like it, but I am worried for him. Himchan thinks of us as family, I don’t think it’s right of you to deny that to him. I think of everyone as family too. He’s gotten us out of shitty situations, so just think about it. Apologize to him before the day ends.” Jongup set the empty plate in the sink and pat Daehyun’s shoulder gently. “Please.” With that he slid back through the doorway of the kitchen, leaving Daehyun alone yet again.

            How did Jongup seem so much more mature?

            With a heavy sigh, Daehyun trudged out of the kitchen and to his room.

 

 

 

            “Himchan, are you awake? Is that why you’re calling?” Yongguk’s voice seemed so far away on the phone, background noise muffling the usual comfort he felt whenever he heard it. Himchan rolled over on the bed he shared with Yongguk, inhaling the familiar scent that lingered on the sheets and pillows – one of which he currently had half his face nestled into.

            “…Maybe.” He responded after a minute, his own voice sounding foreign to his ears, quiet and timid. It felt cracked and hoarse, rough around the edges as he battled off the stress from Daehyun this morning and last night, as well as the piling after-hit reports he had to finish up. Reports, he mused bitterly, that were supposed to keep his mind at ease but only stressed him out even more.

            Yongguk laughed breathily. “Cute, but I’m in the middle of doing the business with Yixing now that he’s come to Korea.” Himchan heard the pause and bit his lip bitterly. He was interrupting Yongguk, wasn’t he? “Though, I suppose you called at a good time. I need your help.”

            Himchan could tell the older man was trying to pull his mind off of whatever was worrying him. He was thankful for even the smallest distraction of the demons clawing at him inside out.

            Who knew that words would hurt that much? Himchan had heard so many words about him, his looks, his actions, the _group_ itself. But never had those words bothered him as much as this one. Those words falling from Daehyun’s clung to his skin, festering and opening a wound forcefully, making it bleed.

            “Help with what, Yonggie?” Himchan threw in the nickname for Yongguk he reserved when he was feeling especially down, knowing the other would catch on to his attitude and help him occupy his mind – whether it be with business or anything else.

            “Well…Yixing is refusing to give us the new weapons for our men and to sell underground that I bought for 70K. Apparently, _FanXy_ paid 100K for the weapons.” Himchan could hear people talking in the background behind Yongguk, catching bits of conversations and what he assumed was Yixing’s voice.

            He always did sell to the highest payer.

            Himchan blew out a sigh and hummed softly. They needed the new guns desperately as their previous ones were running old after a few months of use. And they needed to steady their cash flow by funneling the weapons into the underground crime syndicate. It wouldn’t hurt to beat FanXy in payment. “Offer him 130K. Tell him our men will bring the money over right now. He either accepts or we kill his men, okay, Yongguk?” He knew Yixing wouldn’t risk it, and even then he would accept solely because of the price. Yixing wasn’t a stupid dealer, after all.

            Yongguk laughed softly but loudly, the sound bright and so unlike how he looked. It still felt so innocent even after all these years. “Of course, Channie. I’ll call you back later, okay? I’ll be home soon. Promise.”

            “Okay…Okay. Text me confirmation, okay? I’ll tell the men to get moving.” Himchan relented, the conversation coming to an end and making his heart lurch slightly. His distraction would be gone and the terrible thoughts would come back.

            “I will. Get some sleep, bunny.” Yongguk’s voice was lowered as he was on duty, keeping his tone affectionate and Himchan’s lips broke into a tiny smile. Words, gestures and smiles only meant for him.

            “I’ll try.” With a gentle exhale, Himchan focused on thinking about Yongguk, trying to distract himself from the painful words with the others loving tone, words said even if he was busy and even if they were hushed and quiet. The ‘I love you’s’ were hidden in their words.

            Keeping the phone close to his chest and repeating Yongguk’s words in his head, the gang leader slowly fell asleep, covers pulled tightly around him and cheek caressed by the pillow.

 

 

 

            Daehyun glanced at the time on his phone and bit his lip. Yongguk had just come back after a few hours of being out and Himchan had been asleep even then. Jongup had left when Yongguk got back, most likely to finish up a different hit that had gotten delayed due to the contractors back and forth attitude about it. From the time he’d gotten back, argued with Himchan, Daehyun laid in bed and sulked and napped for hours. He still hadn’t apologized to Himchan.

            From 7:30 AM it was currently 9 PM. He’d spent 14 hours moping. How pathetic. He slowly heaved his legs off of the bed and stretched his limbs, grunting quietly. Jongup had left around 9 AM and it was currently 9 PM – what could be keeping him so long? With the excuse of “going to search for Jongup” if he was ever asked, Daehyun threw on a jacket and some shoes, making his way to the basecamp door. He had to go see Youngjae and explain, or at least come up with an excuse.

            He didn’t know _why_ but he felt as though he had to. He needed to maintain the trust between them in order to lure the target out easier, right? It made sense.

            _Yeah right_ , the little voice nagged as he opened the door and slipped out into the chilly night. _You like him. Just admit it. You’re attached. You haven’t had this much outdoor contact in any of your hits. You’re needy._ He wanted that voice to shut up. It had been nagging at him all day. About Youngjae. About Himchan.

            Daehyun grit his teeth and walked, spotting a figure heading towards him and the direction of the basecamp. He slowed down, recognizing the build and gait. “Jongup.” He greeted, politely nodding his head in his direction.

            “Daehyun.” Jongup responded, slowing his walk down as well. In the soft glow of the moonlight the hitman could see the outline of the gun strapped against Jongup’s thigh, the silver glow making it look soft and serene despite its use for killing.

            How ironic.

            “This hit took you a while to complete.”

            Jongup blew a frustrated huff of air and shrugged. “The data we collected on him was outdated, so it was a lot harder to track him down and then lure him out to kill.” He furrowed his brows and looked the older man up and down. “You’re heading out? Have you apologized to Himchan yet? You are technically grounded, you know.”

            Daehyun pulled a face and shook his head. “He’s still asleep. I’ll apologize later, promise. And, he won’t know if you don’t tell him. I’m just getting him a sorry gift of some new cigarettes.” The face Jongup gave him was doubtful but he took the bait nonetheless. For that, Daehyun was thankful.

            “Whatever you say. Don’t stay out late this time, Daehyun.” Jongup offered him one of those half smiles, his eyes crinkling up into half moons that didn’t quite seem friendly or antagonistic. Just neutral, which was odd for a smile – but perhaps it was as best as the younger could procure after so many years.

            With a nod the two continued walking on their respective paths. Jongup back to the basecamp and Daehyun to Youngjae’s shop, which he knew was still open. He had an hour until it closed.

            The walk was short and gave time for Daehyun to think about what to say to Youngjae. With a gentle push, the door gave way with a gentle jingle signaling his arrival into the convenience store. Youngjae’s eyes darted up and his eyes widened slightly, surprise written across his face and…was that a flicker of anger? Betrayal?

            Of course Youngjae would be angry. Daehyun did basically leave him in the morning like a one-night stand – but Daehyun forced himself to think rational. For the mission. He wouldn’t get caught up in the tangled mess that called itself ‘feelings’.

            “Dae,” Youngjae’s tone was flat, his words falling to the ground like heavy bricks. He seemed troubled and Daehyun could see it in his eyes, swimming with questions. Did he hate Daehyun? Why had they done that? Did Daehyun like him back? Was it one sided?

            Daehyun smiled, forcing it to be apologetic as he spoke.

            “Youngjae.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FRIDAY PT. 1 (WEEK ONE)


	6. i'll steal you in this game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi! I'm back sorry for the long pause. This chapter is kind of lackluster, so I apologize. But! At least the first week of their mission is over and you'll get to see the start of the next week in the next chapter. Daehyun's a mess in this chapter :) Do you think Himchan and Daehyun managed to apologize to each other over the weekend?

_“Youngjae.”_

Daehyun stared at the man standing in front of him behind the counter, gauging his reaction after he said his name. Youngjae only stared back at him and the hitman caught a glance at his Adam’s apple bobbing nervously. Nervous. Betrayed – maybe – but Youngjae was certainly simmering with anger. Or perhaps it was fear. Daehyun couldn’t pinpoint which, but he could definitely tell that Youngjae’s feelings for him were obvious; it wasn’t hard to see the man liked him.

            He tried again and stepped closer, not missing the way Youngjae’s body tensed up. Feelings were certainly a pain, weren’t they? Daehyun’s heart flipped painfully and it _hurt_ but he couldn’t figure out why. He didn’t like Youngjae. He _didn’t_. This was for the sake of the mission after all. He couldn’t fail it.

            “Youngjae. I’m sorry.” The words seemed to spill from Daehyun’s mouth without restraint, the ones he’d planned so carefully while walking slipping away like fine grains of sand. “I….” His throat tightened slightly and Daehyun clenched his fist, the dizzying confusion clouding his mind and making his head spin. Why was he apologizing? He had nothing to apologize for. He did nothing wrong. He had no feelings for Youngjae – how could he? They’d only “known” each other for barely a week.

            _Are you sure about that? Just because you’ve known him for a week, means you don’t have feelings for him?_ The sneaky voice taunted, its jeering worse and more incessant after last night. Worse than when he’d first found out more about Youngjae. Worse than when he knew – more like found – how Youngjae felt about him.

            “Sorry? _I’m sorry_? Do continue, Dae.” Youngjae’s tone was knife-like, slicing through the constricted air and Daehyun resisted the urge to flinch. He was raised better than that. The man behind the counter sounded tired and upset, and it all the more made his stomach lurch uncomfortably.

            Daehyun stepped forward again and pressed his palms against the surface of the cool counter, the cold running through his skin. It felt good. A slight distraction. “I…got scared.” He murmured, his voice low and apologetic. He felt vulnerable and exposed – he never let targets see his feelings so openly like this, but Youngjae felt _different_ for some reason. “We were drunk last night and it was all a mess and…and…and I don’t know, Youngjae. I missed deadlines for work because of my stupidity last night and now I’m not allowed a day off for the weekend.” He left out the fact he’d snuck out for tonight. If Himchan found out, he was in for hell. _The mission,_ he reminded himself. He was saving himself because they had a mission to accomplish. Feelings were only going to get in the way.

            _Liar_. _For the mission? You’re not fooling anyone._

            Youngjae made a noncommittal noise and licked his dry lips with a pink tongue, wetting them. “Okay…Okay- But…Nevermind. Nevermind, I understand. I should give you time, shouldn’t I? I suppose I should apologize even though I wasn’t the one who asked to go out for drinks when I had a deadline.” Youngjae’s tone was highly passive aggressive and for once Daehyun had the decency to look ashamed.

            “I’m really sorry Youngjae. I have to go soon, but at least let me give you my number so we can keep in contact with each other. It’s the least I can do after everything.”

            Youngjae’s barely seemed to brighten, but it was there. He gave a slow, confirming nod and Daehyun’s heart rate picked up speed. Grabbing his notebook from his coat pocket and ripping a strip of paper from it, he scribbled his number down and slid it across the counter. “I’m available at anytime but I like to sleep in sometimes. Uhm, yeah…” Why was he telling him that? What was the point of letting him know? Daehyun’s mind was confused – torn between the mission and whatever was pulling him towards Youngjae. Whatever _this_ was that he had with Youngjae. These... _feelings_ tugging him towards the man.

            Maybe it was Youngjae’s fault. Maybe he could convince himself Youngjae was just sweeping him up into something he didn’t need to be a part of. That made sense right? It was all Youngjae’s fault.

            _Why can’t you just accept it?_

“Okay, yeah, sure. That’s…good for me. It’s easier than having to walk in all the time.” Youngjae took the slip of paper and pocketed it, swallowing nervously. His entire demeanor changed within seconds, his voice coming out wavered. “Can…I ask something Dae?”

            Daehyun’s mouth ran dry and his heart flipped. He felt queasy. “Sure.”

            Youngjae bit his lip and ran his fingers along the cool counter he stood behind. “…Do you like me? I- I mean it’s obvious how I feel about you…so…I was wondering, you know..” He stopped himself and looked up at Daehyun, the anxiety obvious in his eyes.

            The hitman’s stomach lurched and the bile built up in his throat, the answer standing bold in his mind no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Daehyun had grown strangely attached to Youngjae – more so than any target they’d ever had.

            _Yes. Maybe. I don’t know. Kind of._

            He was confused.

            “I…I don’t know, Youngjae. I don’t have time for things like that right now…” It wasn’t all that much a lie. “I’m just…confused. Last nights…- Let’s forget about it and start anew.” He didn’t miss the split second of hurt that passed over Youngjae’s face despite his hardest to maintain a passive reaction. Daehyun felt _guilty_. He, for once, felt bad about leading someone on. It was the longest time he’d had to put on an act and it was hard not to grow attached, especially when it was the longest amount of contact he’d had with anyone outside. He didn’t exactly, “go out” as often as he liked, and even if he did he rarely had time to get to know someone as much as he had Youngjae, considering the amount of hits they got after they blew up in popularity.

            For once, Daehyun couldn’t help but think bitterly. _Why did you fall for me so easily?_ Maybe Youngjae fell in love too easily. Maybe Youngjae was too trusting. Maybe Youngjae would fall in love with someone else. For some reason, that thought scared Daehyun.

            Youngjae finally spoke after a moment of silence, giving another slow nod as everything was okay. It wasn’t. “Makes sense. Okay, yeah, I understand fully. I’m sorry Dae, I shouldn’t have these feelings anyway. And, it’s a bit stupid, but…I know you’re a good person.” The harsh artificial lighting did nothing to hide the honesty written across Youngjae’s face like an open book.

            _Good person_.

            The irony was almost enough to make Daehyun laugh but instead he forced a twisted smile onto his face. “Thanks, I guess. You’re a good person too, Youngjae. I’m sorry.” He moved slightly, making way to push away from the counter before remembering he had meant to buy an apology gift for Himchan. Eager to move away from the awkwardness in the air, Daehyun pulled out some cash from his pocket and placed it on the counter. “Uhm, before I forget, can I buy a pack of the light cigrattes?” Without a word Youngjae nodded and grabbed the pack, sliding it across the counter and taking the money from Daehyun.

            “Smoking is bad for you.”

            Daehyun opened his mouth to reply with “you already told me that Youngjae” before realizing it wasn’t Youngjae’s voice. It sounded higher, slurred and sleepy. Young. Not deep. The hitman turned around, his face twisted into confusion whilst Youngjae’s was more so understanding. Junhong stood there in a set of Superman pajamas, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Youngjae spoke first, opening his arms in an invitation for the 14-year-old to crawl into. “Junhong, I thought you were sleeping…?”

            Junhong rubbed his eyes again and waddled over, waving at Daehyun tiredly before planting his face in Daehyun’s side firmly. “…had a nightmare.” He pulled his face from Youngjae’s side slightly and looked at Daehyun, his eyes slightly red and puffy. It must have been a bad nightmare. “…You have to close up the store, right? Can Dae put me to bed then?”

            Youngjae looked from Junhong to Daehyun and back again. “You should be asking Dae that question, but okay.” He placed his hand on the soft locks of Junhong’s hair, giving it a gentle ruffle. “Well, Dae? What do you say?” Daehyun pursed his lips slightly when Youngjae’s eyes fell upon him. The atmosphere was switching too fast for the hitman to keep up, but perhaps it was a good thing. He could escape the awkwardness between him and Youngjae now – though the awkwardness felt like a burden on the mission.

            “Okay, I will. Come on Junhong, lets get you to bed and let Youngjae close up.” He was staying longer than he expected too. Daehyun glanced at the clock and then towards Junhong as the kid scrambled over to him. He bit his cheek slightly. Yeah, definitely a little too long. Giving one last look to Youngjae, the unsettling feeling in his chest grew bigger and the hitman led Junhong up the stairs to the combined living space.

            Junhong held on tightly to Daehyun’s hand as they both climbed the stairs, his cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment as the situation dawned on him. “I’m sorry….I’m 14 but I act like a little kid. I shouldn’t be acting like that.” Daehyun raised a brow at him, curious.

            “You’re still young, Junhong. It’s okay, nightmares happen.” He held the door open for Junhong to walk through, following him into the living space towards the kids room and watching the falter in Junhong’s step. “You don’t need to be sorry.” It was granted, given Junhong grew up in a better, loving environment than Daehyun had. “You don’t have to grow up as fast as other people, you’re only 14.” _Jongup was on the streets at your age_ , Daehyun thought bitterly. He envied those who lived with a complete family and the mere thought of it made him think back to Himchan and the gang.

            His family.

            “If you say so…” Junhong crawled under the baby blue sheets still holding onto Daehyun’s hand. He looked over at Daehyun and let go of his hand, pulling the covers higher over his body. “Thank you, Dae.” He whispered softly, his eyes wide and innocent. Daehyun was glad they didn’t have to kill him – and gave a gentle ruffle to the messy hair on Junhong’s head in return.

            He smiled. “No problem kiddo.” Daehyun moved away from the bed and towards the door before being stopped by Junhong’s voice, his head turning slightly to peek behind himself.

            “Uhm…JaeJae likes you a lot, so… please don’t make him sad. You have to be nice to him, okay?”

            Daehyun chuckled sourly and nodded, the smile on his face falling slightly. Perhaps Junhong was more “mature” than he let on. “I will. Sleep well, okay kiddo?” He carefully slid out of the room and left the door open just a sliver, whispering a soft “goodnight Junhong”.

            “Goodnight, Dae.”

            Walking away from the kids room, he exited the living space with a hefty sigh and ran a hand through his hair. Maybe he _did_ like Youngjae. Just a little bit. A lot of little bit. He made his way down the stairs and stood in the doorway of the store, watching Youngjae organize the shelves and clean the counter. Watching him made the uncomfortable lurch in stomach start again when he thought about how they were going to rip Youngjae from this life into hell.

            It was the first time he’d felt this way about any target and it _scared_ him.

            “Youngjae.” He broke the silence again and walked forward, his fingers playing with he cigarette pack in his pocket. “I put him back to bed.” The words he wished to say escaped him yet again, slipping from his grasp and refusing to surface on his tongue. Dark eyes met his and Youngjae smiled gently, the look surprising Daehyun.

            “Thank you, Dae. Youngjae tipped his head slightly and the hitman took it was a cue to leave. Daehyun gave a short wave as he walked to the door, his teeth chewing his lip. He couldn’t bring himself to say, “you’re welcome”. Exiting the store, the hitman pulled out his phone and saw the new notification signaling a text.

            **Unknown Number – 10:02 PM**

_Hey, it’s Youngjae._

Daehyun walked further away from the convenience store before he replied to the text, heading closer to the basecamp. He slid his phone away after replying, pocketing it carefully. As he neared the rundown alleyway where the main basecamp was located, he pulled out his phone to check for another text, feeling oddly satisfied when he saw Youngjae’s response.

            **JaeJae – 10:15 PM**

_Goodnight, Dae :)._

It made him feel warm. Daehyun carefully buzzed himself inside, toeing off his shoes and navigating himself through the hallway with the help of the dimly lit neon lights. Once in his room, he took off his jacket and threw it down on the desk chair, all thoughts of the apology gift he’d gotten from Himchan out the window. He collapsed onto the bed and buried himself under the covers. He could hear the gentle breathing of Jongup sleeping the next bed over and Daehyun let himself sink into the clingy comfort of the bed. Within a matter of seconds, despite the swirling storm in his mind, he feel asleep.

 

 

 

            “Guk…I can’t sleep,” Himchan pressed the flat of his palm against the softness of Yongguk’s cheek, rousing the older man from his light slumber. “Help me sleep, please…?” He’d been asleep since that early morning and the tiredness that had been pulling on him was what had, ironically, woken him up. He was too tired to sleep again.

            Yongguk blinked blearily and sat up slightly, propping himself up on an elbow and sighing heavily. “Mmnh…come here.” He pulled Himchan closer to his body, the sleek black locks brushing against his cheek as the leaders face settled itself near his shoulder. Their bodies were pressed together, limbs draped over each other and entangled. “It’s late….” Yongguk looked to the digital clock on the night table, blinking again. 1 AM. “Do you want to talk?”

            “…Maybe.”

            “Is something bothering you?”

            There was a heavy pause. “Maybe.”

            With another heavy sigh, Yongguk buried his nose in the mess of hair beneath him, inhaling gently and feeling the way Himchan’s body shivered despite it being warm. It smelled of strawberries and faint cologne, along with something that was so distinctly _Himchan_. “Okay, let’s talk. What’s wrong, bunny? Tell me here, because you sounded upset on the phone and I didn’t get a chance to talk with you till now…” Yongguk’s words were drawn out slowly, dripping with worry but lagging with sleep.

            An uncomfortable pause of words mixed with a comfortable warmth. Yongguk wasn’t a man of many words and Himchan was reluctant to say anything.

            Finally, Himchan spoke, his voice quiet and subdued as he said three words. “Are we family?” Yongguk faltered slightly, taken aback by the cryptic question and still trying to catch up from the wake up. Knowing Himchan’s previous experiences and his attachment to something akin to “family”, the question gave Yongguk some insight as to what the problem was. He suspected someone within the gang had said something to Himchan and the only person he could think of was Daehyun. The two of them didn’t have the best of relationships. Regardless, he had to ask.

            “What kind of question is that, Himchan? Of course we’re family. What brought that question on?” He hoped it wasn’t what he suspected.

            Himchan let out a pitiful whine, something the older man rarely heard in all the 9 years of him knowing the man. Himchan typically put on a strong front.

            “Chan..?”

            “Daehyun said we weren’t a family.”

            Yongguk’s heart dropped, dipping like a rollercoaster and sinking into his stomach. He was right. It miffed him, the thought of Daehyun and Himchan fighting and arguing. Despite all these years they weren’t the closest or friendliest in the gang, even though Himchan tried his best to look after the younger members. In a way, it made sense. Perhaps Daehyun was tired of the way Himchan could be overbearing. Yongguk grit his teeth slightly. “Did you two argue?”

            Another pause and then a defeated, breathy sigh. “Yes.”

            The older man ran his fingers through Himchan’s hair and kissed his forehead. “He didn’t mean it, Himchan…” Yongguk pressed another kiss to Himchan’s nose, watching his reaction carefully – both to his words and actions. “I think you both need to give each other some leeway. Daehyun needs to understand you and you need to understand Daehyun, okay?”

            Himchan listened quietly.

            “You both need to give in. You can’t have this relationship for 6 years, it’s not how a family works, alright? We’re a family, so we need to be able to get along and talk instead of yelling at each other. I know you were scared and worried for him, but Channie, you have us. Use us as a pillar sometimes, you can’t do everything yourself. If you’re worried about us, talk with us instead of breaking down into little pieces. I know it’s hard, but you need to try.” Yongguk ran his hand down the silhouette of Himchan’s body, stopping at his hip. “I think you need to apologize to him as well.”

            Himchan took in a shuddering breath and nodded slightly, the movement felt against Yongguk’s shoulder. “Okay.I will. I’m sorry, Guk. For waking you up this late…”

            Yongguk pulled him closer, if that was even physically possible and buried his face in Himchan’s hair again. “It’s okay, bunny. Just sleep, okay? I’m right here with you. Let’s put all our energy into this hit, okay?”

            “Mmnh…Okay.” Himchan carefully shut his eyes, drained mentally and emotionally from the talk with Yongguk. He needed to apologize as soon as he could.

            They were a family. Families couldn’t act like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FRIDAY PT. 2 (WEEK ONE: FINISHED)


	7. throw it all out and skydive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I'm being messy with the plot ;; So sorry if you find it too repetitive or confusing. I just want to give some ideas as to what everyones like and what problems they deal with while working on this hit. Some more problems to deal with and Daehyun/Himchan drama. Also, mentions of death in this chapter! As well as a short little "smut" I guess? You can skip the part that start swith -- and continue after the --.

            Just like that, the weekend passed by. Himchan and Daehyun hadn’t apologized face-to-face, but they did manage to leave each other apologies in small forms. Such as the cigarettes for Himchan from Daehyun, or Himchan making something extra for Daehyun whenever they ate breakfast.

            It was as if the argument never happened, but the awkward air was still circling them.

            But neither of them paid attention to it, their minds focused solely on the mission, though Daehyun’s focus was scattered and troubled by the thought of what he had with Youngjae. Their relationship? Friendship?

            Whatever it was, it made Daehyun’s heart and mind troubled.

            Yongguk and Jongup had come up with a final plan using Daehyun’s information and Himchan had finally granted him the permission to go out to get some more information about Youngjae on Monday. It still bothered him to no end, unlike other hits, that they were going to rip Youngjae from something so precious. They were going to tear Youngjae away from Junhong and his only family. Daehyun didn’t understand why this one person could make his mind spin like that, making him doubt their mission.

            It still felt wrong. Like something _bad_ was going to happen.

            However, currently, each member of the gang was lounging around and taking a much-needed break from things. Himchan was holed up in his office, working on reports and going through other hits that were requested of them to perform while simultaneously working on this one. Yongguk was finalizing the transfer of their new weapons and helping funnel them into the underground market for some side income, as well as build closer connections. Daehyun was organizing all the information he’d gotten from Youngjae, over text (that, he kept secret from the other members) and the information he’d gotten face-to-face.

            It was a lot.

            “Daehyun….” Said man turned around and spotted Jongup standing at the door, his hair slightly disheveled and fingers twirling a knife in his hand. He looked like he just got back from being outside, considering it was oddly windy outside.

            “Uppie? What time did you leave in the morning? It’s only 10.”

            Jongup walked over and leaned against the desk, leaning on his palms and letting out a puff of air. “Left at 6. It was an easy hit but pretty far. And it’s really windy, I think there’ll be a storm.”

            Daehyun hummed and looked at him, seeing the tired lines beneath Jongup’s eyes It made his heart twinge with some sympathy for the 22-year-old. He was too young to look that tired and stressed. Sometimes, Daehyun saw Jongup as the same little 16-year-old he was before, but in the body of an older man. “Must be tough on you…You have to complete other hits while working on this one.”

            “Mm…It’s not hard. Gives me something to do since Yongguk is finishing up the plan. I just feel bad for Himchan, since he’s collecting all of these hits for me to complete and working on keeping tabs on this one.” Jongup pushed away from the desk and ran a hand through his hair, tousling the blue locks. “I’m going to go check on Himchan.”

            The older man hummed softly again and nodded. “Okay…do that. See if he needs any help too.” Hearing Himchan’s name still made Daehyun feel bad for what he said despite apologizing profusely over text and leaving small things to show his appreciation for all the leader did. Daehyun watched Jongup nod and exit the room, his eyes flickering back to the messy notes written on the paper in front of him.

            _Youngjae_. What was he going to do? He really couldn’t let his newfound feelings get in the way – he’d spent the entire weekend thinking.

            He really did like Youngjae, for some odd, bizarre and unreasonable reason. Daehyun pushed the papers together into a pile and threw them into a drawer, standing up and grabbing a jacket. He was going to go see Youngjae and just talk with him.

 

 

 

            “Himchan….?” Jongup’s voice floated in through the doorway of the office room, the younger man opening it up a slight bit. Himchan sat, hunched over at his desk with a pen in one hand and a cigarette in the other. The foggy smoke filled the room with a gentle haze, the smell light and not harsh on Jonguo’s nose. Regardless, he crinkled his nose slightly and shut the door behind him, stepping into the room. The leader gave no response but a gentle nod of his head and hum, giving the young hitman all the confirmation he needed. At least Himchan seemed a lot more better than that weekend, especially after talking with Yongguk and “apologizing” to Daehyun.

            Himchan finally turned around and killed the cigarette in the ashtray, his eyes scanning Jongup. “Did you need something, Jongup?” He set the pen down slightly and crooked a brow, pushing aside the papers – ones he noticed had Yongguk’s handwriting all over. Himchan must have been going over the plan and double checking it for inconsistencies.

            Jongup shook his head slightly. “Not really. I just wanted to check on you and see if you were okay… I know you’ve been feeling a bit stressed out because of this hit. It’s nothing like we’ve gotten before.” He walked closer and wrapped his arms gently around the leaders neck, giving him a back hug, something he rarely did. “Is everything going okay?”

            The older man leaned back into the gentle touch of the younger man, enjoying the warmth of his arms. _Family_. Jongup was like a son he’d never had – someone he’d raised from a child into an adult. Himchan couldn’t help but feel guilty. In a way, he’d given Jongup a home to be in, but on the other hand he was ruining his life with this lifestyle. “Ah…Yeah, it is going okay. The plan should work fine, you and Yongguk did really well. And Daehyun…got some good information to use in case we need to break Youngjae.” Himchan let out a sigh. “I just can’t shake off this feeling that something is wrong though…”

            “Mm..I understand what you mean.” Jongup mumbled, resting his chin on Himchan’s head. “But don’t worry, we get that feeling with the weird hits often, but nothing ever happens.” He pulled back slightly and pressed his forehead into the soft locks of his leaders hair. “Hey, Himchan?”

            “Nnhm?”

            “You know we’re family right? We stick together, right? So if any of us need help, we can always go to each other…The same applies to you. If anything is troubling you, we’re here.” He could feel the way Himchan’s body tensed up slightly, the tremble of the delicate, calloused hand fidgeting with the pen. That was picked up once more.

            Himchan took a moment to answer. “I know…Yongguk told me that too.” Jongup listened to the gentle in and out of Himchan’s breathing, listening to how carefully controlled it was, as if the older man was trying not to cry. “Hey, Uppie?”

            Jongup’s stomach gave a funny tumble. “Yeah?”

            “I love you. You’re like my kid, you know that?”

            Jongup swallowed down the tears. Why had he come to Himchan now of all times? When everyone was still on edge after the argument. When they were all tired and needed to rest. He wasn’t the best with emotional things – he always swallowed them down and hid them carefully. Why could Himchan tear down the walls so gingerly constructed with a few words? Why did Himchan _know_ what to say? “I know, Himchan.”

            _I love you too_.

            For the first time in 6 years, Jongup realised that _this_ was how family was supposed to be. That their gang indeed was a family. He’d always tried to ignore it before, going along with Himchan’s little ‘family’ skit. But now, for the first time Jongup finally realised that he was being stupid – he should have accepted it faster, before it got messy. Before Himchan began to break down, slowly, bit by bit. Before Himchan started doubting his position. Before Himchan started doubting them.

            The unsettling feeling began to grow in his own chest, the feeling that something bad was about to happen.

            Himchan leaned his head back, bumping his nose gently with Jongup’s. “Go see if Yongguk needs help, hm? I’m fine here, okay? Thank you, Uppie.” Jongup bit his lip and nodded slowly, making his way back to the door, his fingers pressed against his nose. Himchan had always been the affectionate type with them – but it was the first time something so intimate had happened. Himchan, contrary to his “career” and words, Jongup thought to himself, was always a softie. Jongup paused near the doorway and let out a breathy sigh.

            “Himchan?”

            “Uhmn?”

            “I love you too.”

            Jongup left the doorway, shutting the door behind him quietly. He missed the bittersweet smile on Himchan’s face. He missed the way the leader’s eyes watered slightly as dark eyes stared at the papers in front of his tired face. Jongup missed seeing Himchan’s confidence sparkle slightly, coming back to life.

            Or perhaps he didn’t want to see it, out of fear of crying.

 

 

 

            “Dae.” Youngjae’s tone was flat when their eyes met, Daehyun’s steps briefly faltering. What’s with that tone? Daehyun stepped closer and narrowed his eyes, catching the puffiness under Youngjae’s eyes, his eyes rimmed red. Had he been crying?

            Daehyun pressed on cautiously. “..Youngjae? Are you okay?”

            Youngjae shook his head and Daehyun can see the struggle he’s going through to not let another fresh set of tears fall. “I meant to text you and tell you…not to come.” Daehyun swallowed nervously, walking around the counter and standing closer to the other man. Youngjae leaned into him slightly and Daehyun wrapped an arm awkwardly around his shoulder, dragging his thumb gingerly across his shoulder.

            “Did…Did something happen?” Daehyun continued, looking down at the sniffling man.

            Youngjae wiped his eyes, breaking into one, loud sob and then shaking his head. “I can’t…- I just…” Daehyun blinked in surprise when Youngjae buried his face into his side, the sensation new to him. Foreign. “She’s dead… I can’t…- She’s dead.”

            Who was _she_? Daehyun moved his hand into Youngjae’s hair and hid an awkward cough, crooking a brow. “Who….?” He was being as gentle as possible, keeping his voice low and comforting as possible. It felt weird, to be comforting someone – it wasn’t something he did. He’d never done it before, really. Youngjae let out a whimper and sniffled loudly, his tears soaking through the thin fabric of Daehyun’s shirt.

            “C-Cousin…my cousin- I can’t, Dae- I don’t know what to tell Junhong when he wakes up…”

            _Cousin?_ Daehyun recalled the cousin Youngjae mentioned – the mother of Junhong. She was dead? How? Was Junhong going to be under the care of Youngjae? If he was, were they going to rope them in to even more nightmares? Was following through with this even _worth_ it? “Ah….” Was all that came out of his mouth. “..How?”

            Youngjae took in a shuddering breath, the hitman feeling every tremor of the targets body with how close he was. “Her train…her- it crashed into another train, I don’t- _Dae_.”

            Well this certainly put a dent in their plans, didn’t it? Daehyun recoiled at the thought – what were they supposed to do now? “I…I don’t know what to say…” He admitted quietly.

            “Can I just- Can I just have time alone? I don’t- It hurts to have someone close to me right now.”

            Daehyun pulled away slowly and cleared his throat, the hurt lodged in his throat. He could feel the other mans pain. “Y-Yeah. Yeah, I can. I’m sorry, Youngjae.” He took baby steps backwards towards the door, watching as Youngjae rubbed his palms into his eyes, trying to quell the tears. Why did it hurt so much to watch him suffer? “I think it would be smart to let Junhong have time off from school..” He murmured quietly as he opened the door, the knife in his heart twisting sharper when he heard the sharp intake of air and then another sob fall from Youngjae.

            As quickly as he could, the hitman sped back to the basecamp, not wanting to turn back. Not wanting to give in to the feelings telling him to _run_ back and hug him. To comfort him. Youngjae had asked to be left alone, hadn’t he?

 

 

 

            “Himchan!” Daehyun shouted, out of breath as he ran into the leaders office, finding him still hunched over some papers. “Himchan, this is _bad_.”

            Himchan turned around, his own face grim as well. “Did you get my text?

            _Text?_ What text? Why was Himchan talking about a text at this time? He had something to say – it was important! “No- I- Listen, this is _important_.” Daehyun argued, his anger flaring slightly. Why wasn’t Himchan listening? This new break in the hit could potentially ruin it all.

            _As if your affection for Youngjae won’t ruin it_.

            “Can we talk about this during the group meeting? Please…go to the meeting area, Daehyun. It’s urgent.” Himchan pressed, standing up slowly and gliding past the younger man, leaving him dumbfounded. Daehyun grit his teeth and followed after him, finding the other members sitting on the battered couches. With an annoyed huff, he sat down next to Jongup, the younger man sending him a curious glance.

            Once all eyes were on him – well Daehyun’s eyes were focused on the floor – Himchan cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “I got a call from the contractors. They want to hurry the hit along. We have to perform it by Wednesday. They’re adding another 20K if we manage.”

            Daehyun’s mouth ran dry.

            Jongup looked at Yongguk and then back at Himchan. “Well…it shouldn’t mess us up too much. We have the plan down solid.”

            He couldn’t take it anymore. “It will mess everything up! Everything’s fucked up now! Youngjae’s cousin just fucking died and now the kid has no where to go if we take Youngjae away!” Daehyun stood up, his chest heaving. “Everything’s fucked up. Why did we take this hit? Fuck!”

            They stared at him.

            “Himchan, we can’t do this. Fucking call it off. We _can’t_. The kid will have no home if we take away his only living family now! We don’t fuck with kids!” Daehyun continued, his fists clenched and jaw tightened. “Himchan, call off the hit. We can’t.”

            Himchan swallowed. “We can’t ruin our reputation, Daehyun. We’ve never called off a hit before.” The tension in the air was thick. “Sacrifices have to be made.”

            Jongup looked between the both of them and shrunk slightly, unable to side with either one of them. He could sympathize with the soon to be orphaned kid. Both of them were right in a way. Their reputation was something to uphold – a source of power. Yongguk too, stared at the two of them and said nothing, his eyes swimming with worry.

            Daehyun bit his lip. “Himchan…you can’t be serious… You’re not even going to think of Jongup, huh? Imagine if it was Jongup instead!”

            “You can’t do that, that’s not fucking _fair_! Stop bringing Jongup into this. Is this Junhong kid Jongup? No! You can’t fucking do that Daehyun.” Himchan shouted, before pointing a finger. “We’re going through with it regardless. Hate me if you fucking want. After all, we aren’t a family, right? Go fuck off somewhere if you want. Maybe tell Youngjae he’s going to be taken by hitmen, huh? And when you do I’ll make sure I send men after you and make sure you’re not seen alive.” Himchan’s chest was heaving, his teeth bared and brows creased together in anger.

            Daehyun stepped back and faltered, giving time for Yongguk to step in and rest a hand on Himchan’s shoulder. The leader almost immediately melted under the touch and slumped his shoulders slightly. “Fuck…I’m sorry, Daehyun…” Jongup stood up too and sidled next to Daehyun, pressing his arm next to the older mans.

            “Daehyun…As much as I agree with you, I- _We_ – have to go through with it.” Jongup muttered gently, avoiding the older man’s eyes.

            Yongguk merely nodded.

            “Okay…” Daehyun deflated.

            “Tomorrow we prepare everything,” Yongguk spoke slowly, taking Himchan’s thoughts and voicing them as the man was currently unable to do so. “Daehyun, you need to find a way to lure Youngjae out on Wednesday morning so that Jongup may work his magic. I will tweak the plan just a bit. Himchan will focus on distributing our men to the location and keeping weapons.” He paused and looked at everyone. “Is everything clear?”

            “Yessir.” Came the unison response from both Daehyun and Jongup. With a gentle nod of his head, Yongguk sent the two younger members on their away. Yongguk looked to Himchan and sighed quietly, leading him to their room silently, his hand pressed tightly against his hip.

            Daehyun was silent as he walked to his room and sat at his desk, Jongup sitting on the bed and playing with the knife again. With a terse look on his face, the hitman began to think of where to take Youngjae.

            For the sake of the mission.

 

 

\--

            “Bunny.” Yongguk murmured softly, the leader in his lap and his mouth pressed against the soft skin on Himchan’s neck. “I think you need to calm down. You and Daehyun have been too rough with each other lately. I understand this hit is taking a toll on everyone, but we need to work things out with each other. It won’t do us any good mentally.” His thumbs rubbed small circles into the curve of Himchan’s hips, feeling the way the mans body slumped against his weakly, giving up control and letting go.

            “It’s so hard, Guk…I don’t understand why he has to bring Jongup into it all the time. It’s _not_ Jongup. Jongup is with us, not there.” Himchan breathed out quietly, his voice trembling the slightest and giving away his worries. He worked so hard to keep up his sturdy image for 6 years – to hide his biting monsters. And Daehyun was ruining everything with dumb words and Yongguk was always there to witness his faltering image. He hated it.

            He was supposed to be in control. He was supposed to be strong. He _made_ this group happen – he was the one who made them rise to the top.

            Yongguk pressed a gentle kiss to Himchan’s neck. “I know, I know. You made the right choice, okay? We trust you. We can’t help it that the hit we got turned out like this – some things are uncontrollable, you know? You need to give up that control.” And just like that, every time for the past 9 years of their knowing each other, the older man was able to strip away all of Himchan’s control and fold it away neatly, hiding it away and out of reach. Yongguk slid his hands up and inside the others shirt, running warm hands across the expanse of soft skin. “You need to let go, okay? Let me do that for you.”

            Himchan let out a shuddered, shaky exhale and let his eyes slip shut as delicate fingers rubbed his skin. Let go of control. Give it to Yongguk. His whole mind was screaming against it – to get his control back, but he didn’t listen to it.

            With careful movements, the older man grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around the two of them, leaning back slightly and pressing their bodies close.

            He wasn’t in control now.

            Clothes came off one by one, flung to the floor into a careless heap, their naked bodies pressed flush against each other under the thin sheets. Yongguk kept a hand firm on Himchan’s hips as their bodies moved rhythmically against each other, each roll of Himchan’s hips matching the gentle thrust of Yongguk’s fingers inside of him. Quiet whimpers escaped the leader’s lips, his hair messed up and no longer kept neatly styled, his body writhing in the composition created by Yongguk. Following Yongguk’s control.

            Yongguk silenced everything with his lips when he needed to, catching the youngers words and curses – each moan and pleasured sigh. Their bodies rocked against each other on the bed, sweat dripping from Yongguk’s forehead as he took away his lovers control like he always had. Himchan’s hands, desperate for something to grasp onto were pinned uselessly to the soft bed by demanding, slender fingers, the lean muscles on Yongguk’s arms flexing as he did so. Himchan’s control had slipped from his fingers.

            Giving some mercy, Yongguk let Himchan whisper needy words and affectionate terms in between pants and shaky sighs. It was an illusion of giving Himchan some control of what he could do.

            “Love you…Love you so much..”

            Yongguk pressed their foreheads together. “Love you too.”

\--

 

 

            Their mission was the most important, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MONDAY (WEEK TWO)
> 
> Note: A bit of a format change because the story picks up around week two. So every chapter will be one day.


	8. i want you, back in time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T T I'm sorry, I've been very low mentally. I've been doubting my writing and feeling frustrated with it, so I took a few days off to think and calm down. This chapter is actually fairly short since I wanted to keep it in more of Daehyun's view since the other members were doing their own thing preparing. Sorry if it is lacking!! Oh! And if you guys read through the story again, please tell me if you find anywhere I've shortened Yongguk as "Gguk" or "Guk" please tell me ;; It's a slur towards Koreans and I've gone through and changed any I saw.

            Daehyun splayed himself out on the couch, his eyes scanning the pile of folders in front of him on the table. It was too early for this shit, but they had a whole day of preparations to go through. D-DAY was tomorrow, after all. He sat up straighter when he noticed Himchan walked over, the other two trailing behind him. His teeth dug into the soft flesh of his lips, chewing them absently and nervously. Himchan stopped right in front of him, Jongup and Yongguk standing behind him. Daehyun could see the anxiety swimming in the leader’s eyes, his fingers twitching for a cigarette.

            “I’m…sorry.” Himchan said softly, his tone expressing his sincerity. It made Daehyun’s heart twist painfully. “I understand that you feel anxious for the kid and I’m sorry for threatening to kill you; but this is our job, Daehyun. You have to accept it regardless, like you’ve done for the past 6 years.” Daehyun stared at the older man with an unbreakable stare, his dark eyes digging into Himchan’s tired ones. “It’s our job, you need to realize that. Sure, we’ve never had a hit that ever had a kid involved, but things happen and we need to adapt. I’m sure this won’t be the last one either. I’m sincerely sorry for my outburst yesterday, Daehyun.” It was obvious Himchan didn’t know what else to say aside from sorry and Daehyun clenched his fist slightly.

            “Me too.” He broke his gaze with the leader and tensed his jaw. “I’m sorry too. For saying we weren’t a family. For bringing Jongup into the argument. It’s not fair for him either. I’m just struggling to see why we can’t call off the hit…Just because of our reputation? Who will know? No one even knows who we are personally. Who’s gonna tell the population that we turned down a hit?”

            Jongup broke into the conversation this time, shaking his head. “Daehyun, remember what happened with FanXy? They turned down a hit and their reputation had a huge downfall. The general population won’t know, but their connections will and it will seep like poison into the underground and ruin their chances.”

            Daehyun was silent before he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Okay, maybe you’re right. I’m sorry, Himchan.”

            Himchan walked over and shook his head. “It’s okay. We’re all just on edge. We can get through this.” He knelt down and opened his arms in an invitation for a hug. Daehyun fell into the embrace almost immediately. Himchan had done so much for them; who was _he_ to reject it and ruin everything? He was selfish. He didn’t think about their family at all. Himchan worked so hard for them and he just spat on it and broke the leader down into more pieces. How could he do that?

            They were his family and he almost threw it away for some stranger.

            Family came first.

            Daehyun wasn’t going to let Himchan break himself apart and spread himself thin for them. He wanted to protect them.

            Yongguk smiled brightly, that large gummy smile of his he reserved for Himchan only and Daehyun found himself feeling uncomfortable when it was geared towards them all. That smile should only be reserved for Himchan, he thought. His puppy love for Yongguk had to come to an end someday – and that day was today. Yongguk had Himchan, Himchan had Yongguk and all of them. Jongup had them all, and Daehyun had his family. The leader pulled away from the hug and stood up. “Shall we get to work then?”

            Daehyun nodded.

            Their mission. Their family. That came first – even if his heart was still stuck with Youngjae. They had to do this; it was their life and blood. Work came before feelings.

            _You’re always fooling yourself, Daehyun. Go on, try to ignore the fact you’re going to ruin a kids life. Himchan is so heartless, isn’t he?_

            Daehyun stared at the retreating backsides of his members as they went to prepare for tomorrow, his mind beating him. Himchan wasn’t selfish. This was for the team. For their family. He wasn’t going to give up his family for some stranger, was he?

            _Keep trying to convince yourself._

The hitman stood up and grit his teeth, willing that damn voice to shut up. Everything was going to be fine now. They’d apologized. They were going to be fine. They would complete their mission and the world would keep on spinning. Junhong would find a new home.

            _He’ll be dead inside._

            “Daehyun, hurry up. I’m taking you all to the transaction location so you get a good layout.” Himchan’s voice thankfully kicked away the voice nagging him and Daehyun sped up, hurrying over with quick steps. He looked at his team mates and felt the slightest bit jealous – how could they be so nonchalant with the idea of tearing apart a whole family that had already lost so much? Maybe the voice was right. Himchan was selfish. Neither Youngjae or Junhong deserve this.

            No. Daehyun shook his head clear and followed the others outside into the sleek black car waiting for them, sitting in the cold leather seats. He sat next to Jongup in the back seats of the car, Himchan and Yongguk closer to the front. He let out a loud sigh and shut his eyes briefly, feeling confused yet again. Why couldn’t he feel at peace with the fact they apologized and everything was back to normal?

            _Because nothing is back to normal_.

            Jongup glanced at him curiously. “Daehyun? Are you okay?” The younger man placed his hand on Daehyun’s arm, brows raised in worry. Daehyun was still acting weird even though he and Himchan apologized – perhaps it was something else that was bothering him?

            “Ah…yeah, sorry. I’m just tired.” Daehyun smiled and ruffled Jongup’s hair, chuckling. “Don’t worry. We’re gonna pull off this hit without a hitch.” Jongup pulled a face when his hair was ruffled but laughed quietly, shaking his head in amusement.

            “Okay, if you say so.”

            For once, Daehyun wished he wasn’t himself. That he was some random passerby so he wouldn’t have to feel this terrible ache, knowing what they were doing. Why was this bothering him so much? Was it because this was the first hit involving a kid in their 6 years of service? Or was it because of his growing feelings for Youngjae, with his kind smile and loud voice?

 

 

 

            Himchan’s shoes clicked loudly against the cement ground of the abandoned warehouse, large wood and metal crates sitting on the cold ground. The three others trailed behind him, surrounded by the men from their other sub units. “Okay, there will be a chair here that we’ll time him to.” He pointed to an empty spot in the middle of the room with his finger, nodding. “We’ll have a few men from B group circle him as a sort of protection while we wait for the contractors to pick him up. Men from A group will stay near the entrance and exit. Men from P group will be scattered around the warehouse in case anything happens.” He repeated their procedure, something new they had to make as they’d never had to deliver a live hit before. Himchan turned on his heel, causing the rest of them to pause in the step and look at him.

            Looking at him like this, Daehyun saw their perfect leader, standing strong and delivering orders as if it were natural for him. Like he was born to command. It was a complete 180 to the broken, fragile Himchan in their basecamp. The complete opposite of the Himchan that Yongguk saw on a daily basis. Like this, Himchan did not waver and did not reveal any weakness – he stood like a true, natural born leader. His face was hardened and his eyes were cold, narrowed and calculating, as if he were a whole new person. There was no warmth.

            Daehyun was jealous of that switch. He felt _weak_ in comparison, relying on his feelings instead of his mind for the past week.

            “The rest of you three,” Himchan looked at Yongguk, Jongup and Daehyun, “will stay somewhere safe behind the crates. You’ll all have guns. This is just to make sure our contractors don’t try funny shit, precaution is necessary. I will greet them myself, understood?”

            The three of them nodded and Daehyun’s stomach twisted. Precaution? What if something bad _did_ happen? His mind was running with scenarios that could happen. It was their first time doing this and yet Himchan seemed so prepared.

            Himchan finally smiled in satisfaction, the warmth of it breaking the cold expression he held. “Good. Make sure your weapons have ammo and that you have an extra cartridge on your person, okay? Then, if you guys are in the all clear and understand, I’ll let you guys do your own assigned thing. I’ll be checking in on you guys periodically. This _has_ to be perfect.”

            Jongup and Yongguk nodded immediately whilst Daehyun hesitated slightly. With Youngjae’s grief, where could he take him out to tomorrow? Could he even convince him to come with? Daehyun followed Himchan and the others out of the warehouse, rubbing his nose slightly to get rid of the musty smell of being inside the rotting building. It smelled better outside than it did inside.

            “Daehyun, you’re going to set a date with Youngjae, yeah?” Jongup asked him as they entered the car for the 30-minute ride back to their basecamp. “Can you get him in a location that’s close by, but far enough for a car ride? It’s easier to transfer a human that way.”

            The older man blinked and leaned against the cars seats, nodding. “Mmn…I’ll keep that in mind. Do you think I could bring him out to that abandoned kids park a few miles from here?”

            Jongup pursed his lips and nodded. “That seems like a good location. Just text us when you want us to grab him, okay, since we’ll be right behind you.”

            Daehyun could only nod and fall silent as they continued driving, the scenery passing by in a blur as he stared out the window.

            Hopefully, Youngjae would agree.

 

 

 

            The quiet jingle of the bells attached to the door rang throughout the empty store, Daehyun’s footsteps seemingly louder than usual in his ears as he walked. Youngjae wasn’t at the kiosk. He roamed his eyes around the store and found a fluff of hair above one of the aisles, his lips quirking into a slight smile that he couldn’t control. Daehyun’s heart fluttered as he walked over, spotting Youngjae restocking the top shelves with some chips and snacks. “Seems busy today, huh?”

            Youngjae spun around so fast the snacks in his hands went scattering across the floor, his eyes wide. He relaxed when he noticed it was Daehyun and the hitman could still see the remnants of puffiness around his eyes. He must have cried again – Daehyun couldn’t imagine his pain. “Oh, Dae…Jesus, you scared me.” He knelt down to pick up the scattered snacks, Daehyun doing the same and handing any he picked up over. “Er…did you need something? You could have just texted.”

            Daehyun’s mouth fell and formed a sad smile, hiding it from Youngjae as he stood up slowly. “Ah, no this is a person-to-person kind of thing. I’ll let you finish up and stand by the kiosk to talk, okay?” He watched Youngjae nod and walked away, resting his arms against the counter and letting out a quiet sigh. How was he going to convince Youngjae to meet up with him at the park? What of there were people there?

            What if he fucked up? He would ruin the whole thing and they would fall apart. He couldn’t let that happen. Daehyun shut his eyes and rubbed his palms against them, trying to will himself to not _feel_ this way towards Youngjae.

            “Er, you okay, Dae?” Youngjae’s voiced snapped him from his momentary hypnotism act and Daehyun turned around to look at the other man who was now behind the counter. He smiled and nodded.

            “Yeah, sorry. Just thinking.” Daehyun cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “Uhm, how are things?” He flinched at his own question. “Actually, no, scratch that. Are you feeling okay?”

            Youngjae visibly deflated and looked away, biting his lip. “I…I- No, I’m not. It’s hard to accept that I only have one person from my family who’s alive who actually _cares_ about me and didn’t exclude me from family activities. She was the only other one aside from Junhong…”

            “Excluded you?”

            The man nodded. “Ah, that. Yeah, after my parents died and I was stuck with their remaining debt the rest of my family kind of scattered and stopped contacting me. I think they were afraid I was going to ask them for money. My cousin was the only one who kept contact.”

            Daehyun’s brows rose. “And here I thought it was because you were gay.”

            Youngjae finally laughed quietly and Daehyun wanted to hear that sound more often. “Actually, I’m bisexual. But they were surprisingly accepting of it.” He shook his head and the smile dropped from his face as quickly as it appeared. “She was everything to me. And everything to Junhong…Especially after her husband dropped her.”

            The mention of Junhong made Daehyun’s heart lurch and he bit his lip. “How…did Junhong take it?”

            “He won’t leave his room.” Youngjae answered after a pause, rubbing his temples with his fingers. “I’ve filled out papers and everything last night that claim me as Junhong’s legal guardian, but I’m worried he won’t be happy with me.”

            _Is this what you’re going to put the kid through?_

            I’m sorry, Daehyun thought to himself as he imagined the immense heartbreak Junhong was going through. He couldn’t sympathize however – his memories with his parents hadn’t been pleasant. They’d gotten divorced like Junhong’s parents and he’d stayed with his mom, but she couldn’t have given a rats ass about him. “Do you think he’d let me talk with him? I’m sure he’d like some comfort…”

            Youngjae shook his head. “No, I…I think he needs time for himself right now. He ended up hitting me last night when I tried to comfort him.” He ran a hand through his hair and then looked at Daehyun. “This can’t be all you came here for, Dae. You can’t have just wanted to hear the sob story….”

            “Ah….yeah, you got me. I uhm, wanted to ask if you’d like to meet me around 8 at the children’s park. I can come and pick you up?”

            He was silent before he furrowed his brows. “And…why?”

            Daehyun scratched his neck and fibbed as best as he could, hoping his feelings didn’t hinder his attempt at being convincing for once. “Just to talk. I have something important to tell you. And I feel like it’s good if you catch a break from everything for once.” He watched Youngjae’s face closely, spotting the brief flicker of worry pass across his eyes.

            Please agree…Please agree…Please.

            “…Okay. But only if you are willing to take me there. I’ll leave Junhong with Heejun’s family, since he’s close to them and I don’t…want to leave him alone.”

            _Junhong’s going to be alone anyway._

            The hitman forced a smile past his lips and pushed away from the counter. He wanted to smoke, but he’d tried it before and the taste was terrible. How could Himchan tolerate the bitterness of the cigarettes? Daehyun needed something to calm him down. “Okay, cool. I’ll text you when I’m on my way, okay? And, here is some cash since I’m going to take a can of beer and head out.” He slid some bills over and walked to the cool, glass fridges, opening one up and letting the rush of cold air envelope him. He grabbed an icy can of beer and shut the door, popping it open. He walked back to the counter and set the can down, grabbing Youngjae’s face in his cold hands. “I’m sorry, Youngjae.” He let go quickly and picked up his can again, disappearing through the front door and leaving Youngjae confused.

            Said man touched his face, which was still slightly cold and blinked as he watched Daehyun’s retreating form. “Sorry…? Sorry for what?”

 

 

 

            Daehyun collapsed on his bed once he got back to the basecamp and let out a loud sigh. The empty beer can had been thrown away as soon as he arrived and the bed felt soft underneath him. It felt like it was taunting him with it’s warmth, reminding him of Youngjae’s warm smile that was no longer always plastered on his face.

            Why did bad things have to happen to good people? All their past hits were ‘kill this bad person’ and ‘get rid of this corrupt person’, Yet they were killing someone who seemed _innocent_. What could anyone have against Youngjae. Unless it was his family? The thought seemed silly.

            “All done?” Daehyun looked up to see Jongup looking at him and he nodded slowly. “Mmh, good. You should get some rest then and think of how you’re going to fool Youngjae into coming with us.”

            “I will. Did you guys finish up with preparations?”

            Jongup nodded. “Yep. Himchan’s got all the new guns distributed to the men in the B, A and P groups. Yongguk’s gone over the outline of the warehouse plan with everyone as well. Everything should go according to plan, as long as Youngjae is kept alive and safe. And hopefully the contractors are satisfied.”

            Daehyun turned his head away from Jongup and let out a dying hum. “….Yeah, hopefully.”

            He really couldn’t shake off the despair building in the pit of his gut – like something _bad_ was going to happen tomorrow.

            Daehyun hoped not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TUESDAY (WEEK TWO)


	9. the darkness comes closer and closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ewe This chapter excited me to write so have an early update!! Warning, as this chapter includes blood and death mention, though it's not explicit - it still warrants a warning. A bit of a cliff hanger too! Sorry if my writing seems all over the place ;; I got super excited writing this chapter and I wanted to share it as quickly as possible.

            Daehyun’s fingers sped across the sleek phone surface as he texted Youngjae to get ready. He dragged his feet across the ground and towards the car waiting quietly, the keys jingling in his pocket. His eyes caught the silhouette of Jongup getting into a different car nearby and his heart finally caught up with his mind.

            They really were doing this.

**Youngjae – 8:15 PM**

_It’s 8:15, I’ve been ready for a lifetime._

He laughed quietly as he got into the driver’s seat and texted the man a quick apology for being so late. He had been stuck in a blank haze all day while the others buzzed around and made sure everything was set up for today. Daehyun hadn’t even eaten anything since breakfast and his stomach was definitely paying him back for that. He peeked behind him the mirror and let out a sigh when he saw the headlights flash from the other car, turning the keys and listening to the mindless purr of the car. With a harsh slap from reality, Daehyun changed the gear and drove to the convenience store he’d begun to adore.

            The radio was the only thing there to accompany him, playing pop music without end. Daehyun reached over and turned it up, not wanting to be tormented by the nit-picky voice in his head. He spotted Youngjae in front of the convenience store s he pulled up towards it, the man waving when he noticed him. Daehyun could only smile as he rolled down the window, his eyes flickering to the rear-view mirror and watching the car Jongup was in speed ahead to the park.

            “Dae! You finally made it.” Youngjae chirped as he walked over to the open window, his lips smiling but not quite reaching his eyes. It was granted, considering he was still mourning – and now Daehyun wasn’t giving him time to do that at all. “I managed to convince Junhong to hang out at Heejun’s house, but I promised them I’d be back before 11.”

            _If ever._

            Daehyun chuckled weakly and motioned to the passenger seat. “Yeah, sorry I’m late. I kind of took a nap and forgot to wake up on time. Get in.” Youngjae rolled his eyes and jogged around the car, opening the door and sliding inside. The hitman watched as the man put two cans of drinks into the cup holders, his brows rising. “What’re those?” He asked, pointing to the cans which were still frosted, the melted drops rolling down slowly.

            Youngjae followed his finger and landed his gaze on the cans. “Oh, those? I thought we’d get thirsty or something while there, so I brought some cold coffee. Did you want something else?”

            Ah. How thoughtful. “No, no. Thank you, Youngjae.” Daehyun shifted the gears and quickly wheeled the car around, driving towards the park. How he longed to hear Youngjae say his whole name – to hear him say Daehyun. Realistically, he could, couldn’t he? The general population only knew who the group Matoki _were_ , not the members, after all. They didn’t know that Himchan, Yongguk, Jongup and him existed within the group. They only existed as _citizens_ of Korea, paid their taxes and no one else knew who they were with what limited outside contact they kept. Even with such secrecy, Himchan had urged them to use fake names, or use one portion of their real name as an alias and provided them with a second phone to use if they ever did hang out on the outside. Their group was a thing to be protected.

            Though, Daehyun mused silently, he’d already broken that rule by giving Youngjae his actual phone number. He flickered his gaze over to Youngjae and then back to the road, his fingers tapping the wheel in time with the music playing on the radio. They were both silent for the remainder of the ride, the only change being that Youngjae opened his canned coffee and took a long sip out of it. Daehyun’s mind kept thinking about Jongup and the other men, possibly already at the park and lurking in the dark, waiting for his signal.

            He was the mastermind now. He could choose _not_ to give the signal and protect Youngjae, but at what cost? His own family labeling him a traitor? Ruining their reputation and destroying all that Himchan worked so hard to create? Daehyun clenched his jaw and turned the radio down as the arrived at the park without a word, parking the car and turning off the car.

            “That was fast.” Youngjae commented absently, opening his door and exiting the car. The man ran his fingers slowly along the exterior of the car, examining the onyx colouring and the way the metal glinted almost ominously in the faint moonlight, the park dark and without lights. “Your car is really fancy.”

            Daehyun got out of the car and rested his elbows in the roof of his – no, the gangs – car, smirking. “Yeah, it is. Jealous?”

            Youngjae raised a brow and rolled his eyes. “Hardly. Come on, you said you wanted to talk, so let’s talk.”

            “Talk, right, yeah. Not here though.” Daehyun ducked back into the car to grab his can of coffee and shut the door. “Follow me, Youngjae.” He walked across the barren parking lot, catching the other sleek black car further away out of the corner of his eye as he led Youngjae towards lonely benches. “We’ll talk here. It’s comfortable.” He sat down on the cool, wooden bench and motioned for the other man to sit down as well.

            Youngjae sat down and pressed his lips to the edge of his coffee can, raising his brows. “So….? What did you want to talk about?”

            Daehyun leaned back on his hands, tilting his head up at the sky and watching the stars twinkle faintly, the city lights making it harder to see them. “Anything and everything. Things to take your mind off of what’s happening in your life. The sky is pretty at night, isn’t it?”

            The other mans brain worked hard to keep up with the sudden flow of words coming from the hitman’s mouth and he opened and closed his own, before finally forming words. “I….guess?” Youngjae looked up at the sky after putting his drink down. “I haven’t looked up at the sky very often.”

            “Mm…Neither do I. But it always looks so nice, even with the city lights covering it.”   

            Youngjae turned his head and smiled gently, looking at Daehyun. “Your heart is a lot softer and more delicate than I thought.”

            Daehyun let out a noncommittal sound and looked at Youngjae out of the corner of his eye. “What does that mean? Soft and delicate heart?”

            “Mmm…It’s just, you seem like you’re all tough and stuff, but then you go and say things like this. It’s cute.”

            Cute? Daehyun snorted and couldn’t help but laugh. “I..I guess? Thank you, Youngjae.”

            “You’re welcome. So, we’re just going to look at the sky, huh? Some date this is.” Youngjae said, his tone seemingly playful. Daehyun shook his head in amusement and fascination. How could Youngjae act so lighthearted when he was torn up inside? The hitman felt a upset by this notion now that he thought about it.

            He ran a hand through his chocolate hair and looked at Youngjae, meeting his eyes. His heart nearly stopped. The moonlight created cascades of light across Youngjae’s features, making distinct contrasts between shadow and light that seemed to make his face stand out. His dark eyes seemed to sparkle in the faint lighting, cheeks flushed from the slight chill in the night air. Youngjae’s hair fell messily over his eyes, the strands getting caught in his lashes. Daehyun swallowed and bit his lip, his body moving closer instinctively. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that.” He whispered softly, noticing how close Youngjae’s lips were – how soft and pink they looked. He saw the way Youngjae’s eyes fluttered, opening and closing as if he were expecting something before they closed completely.

            Daehyun’s lips met with something soft and his vision was dark, the only feeling coming from the press of his lips against Youngjae’s. It lasted for a few seconds, the kiss chaste and sweet, but it felt like it wasn’t enough. Daehyun’s eyes fluttered open and he saw Youngjae staring at him, his cheeks pink and more flushed than before. The hitman reached up to touch his own cheeks and felt that _he_ was blushing as well – a first since his crush on Yongguk. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt since then and it made him want to throw up, cry and kiss Youngjae all at once.

            “Dae…”

            He needed to send the signal now, before he messed anything up. “I gotta piss, Youngjae. Hang tight.” Daehyun got up from the bench, hurrying away and spotting the nearest yet furthest tree, large enough to hide him. He quickly pulled out his phone and texted Jongup.

            **Info Whore – 9:01 PM**

_Go._

**Yeup – 9:01 PM**

_On it._

Daehyun stayed behind the tree like a coward, listening to the sickening thud that he assumed was Youngjae’s body hitting the ground accompanied by the metallic sound of the can rolling off of the bench. He waited a few more seconds before coming out of his spot behind the tree, spotting a man carrying Youngjae over his shoulder like nothing. Jongup was waiting for him by the bench and Daehyun dragged himself over reluctantly.

            “….You kissed him.” Jongup murmured quietly, walking slowly at Daehyun’s side as they made their way to the car Jongup arrived in – another henchman already using the spare keys to drive Daehyun’s car back.

            Daehyun stuffed his hands into his pockets. “….You saw.” Jongup nodded and got into the car, Daehyun following afterwards. Youngjae’s limp, unconscious body was put in right next to Daehyun and the hitman automatically rested the mans head on his shoulder, his arm slinking around his waist slowly.

            Jongup eyed him and gave him a sad smile. “So you did end up having feelings for him…Yongguk was right.”

            “Yongguk?” Daehyun asked, looked over at the younger man, his thumb carefully stroking the fabric of Youngjae’s flannel.

            A nod. “Mmhm. He thought that you’d get to attached to the target, since you’d been acting weird. And since it was the longest time you’d been this close to anyone on the outside.” He left out the ‘one-night stands’ comment, one that Daehyun knew he was implying. It was true, he usually didn’t have _time_ or even put in the time to get to know anyone that well. Though these recent years had been empty and he’d hardly slept with anyone.

            The hitman shut his eyes and let out a dry laugh. “Guess he was right. I…I don’t know why…Jongup, it’s so confusing.” Daehyun’s voice dropped to a whisper and he felt as if he were on the verge of tears. “I like him. I really do. I don’t understand _why_ and how the fuck it happened…But you all mean so much to me and I don’t want to lose my only family..”

            Jongup was clearly at a loss for words but he placed a hand on Daehyun’s thigh and squeezed it gently, hoping to provide some sort of warmth. He couldn’t understand what Daehyun was feeling, but he felt sorry for him. It must hurt. “I’m sorry.” Is all he could manage, his eyes turned away from the older hitman.

            Daehyun swallowed down his tears and rested his cheek against Youngjae’s head, his eyes focusing on nothing in particular as he responded. “It’s fine…It’s not your fault.”

            _It’s your own damn fault for getting feelings._

 

 

           

            Daehyun followed Jongup inside the warehouse, the musty smell hitting him almost immediately. He grabbed a gun and extra cartridge from one of the lower ranked men, heading to his spot behind the crates. He looked over at Yongguk and Jongup and then over at Youngjae, who’s body was being hoisted carefully into a chair, his arms bound behind his back. He swallowed his anxiety down as he noticed the flutter of Youngjae’s eyes, watching the man come to and look around in a wild panic.

            “Dae? What the fuck…Where am I? Dae!?” Youngjae looked around, finding himself surrounded by crates and strange men, his arms restricted. Dae was nowhere to be found. Daehyun resisted the urge, his eyes flickering to Jongup and Yongguk, both who were staring at him with something akin to _sympathy_ in their eyes.

            Family came first. Daehyun carefully cocked his gun, desperately wanting to block his ears to stop listening to Youngjae’s shouting and cursing. To stop hearing the desperation in his voice, the way he sounded close to tears. He wanted to mute him anyway he could, so he could stop talking about Junhong and how he was left alone. Daehyun didn’t want to be reminded that they were ruining the lives of an innocent kid to give off Youngjae to people who supposedly had a thing against him. Youngjae finally stopped making noise when the warehouse doors opened.

            Himchan walked through the doors, followed by two men dressed in black and wearing caps. Daehyun narrowed his eyes slightly as he observed the men following Himchan from where he could see them behind the crates. They couldn’t see him or the other two behind the crates – the only people visible being their henchman, Youngjae and Himchan. Daehyun looked at Jongup and Yongguk, his brows raising in question. The feeling in his gut stronger – something felt _wrong_. Jongup and Yongguk only shrugged and mouthed “trust Himchan” in return. Daehyun turnd away to watch carefully.

            Himchan looked at the men behind him and then motioned to Youngjae sitting in the chair, staring at them with narrow eyes. “We have him, just like you asked. You are free to take- hck?!” A sudden cold pressed against his neck, his body completely immobile as there was something – or rather someone, holding his arms behind his back. Himchan swallowed, his Adams apple bobbing against the smooth blade of the knife. He flickered his gaze towards his men who had their guns out, gritting his teeth. He needed to be calm. He could see Daehyun, Jongup and Yongguk behind the crates, oblivious to what happened as he was now out of their sight. A sudden click sounded against his ear and he assumed the other man had a gun to his head.

            Youngjae screamed and it set them off. Daehyun peered above the crates and then ducked down immediately. “Fuck…fuck, Jongup, Yongguk. Himchan is being held at gun and knife point.” Yongguk cocked his gun and snarled under his breath.

            “It was a set up. But by who?”

            Jongup hissed. “Doesn’t matter. Up, we need to follow what the others are doing.” He stood up from behind the crate, his gun pointed at the men holding Himchan. Daehyn was reluctant, Yongguk standing up quickly after. Youngjae would see him.

            But Himchan…Squeezing his eyes shut, he stood up and opened his eyes, his gun pointed at the men, just like all of their other men were doing. He could hear Youngjae go silent. He could feel the stare boring into his skin, making him prickle.

            “Guns down, men.” Himchan spoke calmly despite the situation he was in and Daehyun could see the sweat roll down his forehead. They all reluctantly put their guns down, eyes focused on their leader. They couldn’t _do_ anything. Daehyun was just glad Youngjae had actually shut up and not said anything – it could set off something they didn’t need. Or want. “Who are you and what do you want with our group?” Himchan asked, his voice holding all authority and hardly wavering, eyes set on focusing on one part of the room, face cold like stone.

            The doors on the other side of the warehouse opened and Daehyun’s mouth nearly dropped when he saw who walked in followed by a horde of men. Walking with a confident smirk and stride, Jiho walked in and stopped near Youngjae, the man flinching slightly. Behind Jiho stood his posse of higher up men, his own henchman spread out across the large warehouse now. Daehyun swallowed, his eyes narrowed. Yongguk and Jongup too, weren’t focusing on Himchan anymore, but rather the new men who entered the warehouse.

            Jiho, Namjoon, Ilhoon and Jooheon – part of a gang controlled west Seoul. FanXy. Daehyun’s blood nearly boiled. He should have known something was fishy with the hit. FanXy had been trying to bring them down constantly ever since they’d grown to be the top dog; trying to get their reputation back. How could they have been so _blind_? They’d gotten notes and threats for the past two years, of course FanXy would pull of something like this.

            Himchan bared his teeth in anger at the sudden arrival, his entire demeanor changing to defensive and haughty. “Look what the fucking cat dragged in. Jiho and his crew. I should have _known_.”

            Jiho waved a hand absently, the men holding Himchan letting go and walking over to where he was standing, guns bared. “It took two years to make this plan, you know? You don’t deserve to be the top dog around Seoul. You were just some college punk who fell in with the wrong crowd, what do _you_ know about this lifestyle? Yet somehow you’ve managed to make it to the top. Congratulations, Himchan.” He smiled widely, deranged and sadistic. “But you don’t deserve it. Which is why I’m going to crush your little group into smithereens.”

            A snap of Himchan’s fingers had his men aiming their guns at Jiho and his men, Daehyun and the other two following along. Youngjae’s eyes flickered from Himchan to Jiho and he swallowed. He was caught in the cross fire and Jiho knew that, his eyes flickering down towards Youngjae.

            “Poor, poor Youngjae, huh? Getting caught in the crossfire and not even knowing what’s happening. You guys want to shoot at us and risk getting this innocent bystander killed?” This time is was Ilhoon who spoke, his tone musical and condescending. Daehyun grit his teeth. He knew it – there was no way Youngjae had done anything to anger someone enough to warrant a hit. Youngjae grit his teeth and ducked his head, his body shaking.

            He didn’t know who shot first. It might have been him, out of anger. It might have been one of their men, impatient and angry. It could have been Himchan. Or Jongup. Or Yongguk. All he knew is that there was a scream, someone crumpling to the ground and Daehyun was moving. He ran over to where Youngjae was as the FanXy team scattered, cocking their guns and shooting back. He ripped through the cloth binding Youngjae’s arms and threw him to the ground, covering him with his body as bullets and curses flew overhead. Daehyun shot back blindly, hearing bodies fall to the ground on both sides without discrimination. The smell of blood was starting to fill up the enclosed warehouse.

            “Move, fucking _move_ Youngjae. Behind the crates.” Daehyun snarled, pushing Youngjae to his feet and watching him move in a confused daze. Yongguk reached a hand out from behind the crates they were using as cover, dragging Youngjae’s body behind it as a bullet whistled and lodged itselt into Daehyun’s arms. He ducked behind the crates and held his arm, his head falling back as he breathed in heavily. Himchan, Jongup and Yongguk were hiding behind the huddle of crates, their men taking cover where they could and shooting. It was loud and chaotic – Daehyun could hear Jiho commanding his men through out it all.

            Youngjae’s eye were wide with shock, his entire body shaking and his chest heaving as he struggled to get air. He looked to Daehyun and then the others, his voice hardly coming out. “What…I…I don’t…”

            Daehyun let out a labored sigh and bit back a whimper. His arm was killing him. “I’ll explain later. Just stay behind the fucking crate.”

            Himchan grabbed Daehyun’s gun and looked to Youngjae. “You. Watch Daehyun.” He turned to Yongguk. “Yongguk, I need you to try and focus on shooting down one Jiho’s men. Or hell, Jiho himself. Anything to make them drop and surrender. Jongup, you’re the best shot. I’ll provide cover. We need to get as close as possible to try and shoot Jiho down.” He barked out the orders as if he were in control, but they could all tell he was scared and inexperienced in shootouts.

            They’d never had one. Youngjae let out a loud yelp when a body landed near him, one of their men shot down and staring at them with glassy eyes, the blood pooling around him. Daehyun turned away and shut his eyes, his fingers digging into his wound and opening it up even more, the blood running down his arm. Yongguk kicked the body away and looked at Himchan, nodding. “I will. Don’t get yourselves killed, okay?”

            Jongup cocked his gun and slowly inched out from behind the crates as Yongguk stood up and began shooting at any of Jiho’s men that weren’t under cover. Jongup continued moving closer, Himchan trailing behind him and providing cover by shooting at anyone who happened to spot them as they ducked behind a wooden crate, their breathes matching. “Aim for Jiho. If we shoot him, there’s a large chance they’ll retreat.” Himchan breathed quietly, patting Jongup’s thigh gently and checking the coast.

            Yongguk kept a sharp eye on Himchan and Jongup whilst they continued inching forward, Jiho and his men unaware as they were distracted by the rest of the shootout. Youngjae was pressing his hands against Daehyun’s wound, applying pressure and staying silent – the shock was too big. Yongguk took his eyes off of Jongup and Himchan for one second to aim carefully at Namjoon’s head as he was currently letting his guard down by trying to shoot down on of the Matoki men.

            An ear-piercing scream echoed through out the warehouse as Yongguk’s finger hit the trigger, his aim slipping up. His bullet landed and wedged itself in Namjoon’s shoulder, making the man drop down, however that was not was he was focused upon.

            He was focused on the fact that it was Himchan who screamed. He was focused on the _name_ Himchan had screamed out.

            “ _JONGUP!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WEDNESDAY PT. 1 (WEEK TWO)


	10. this scarred fantasy calls out to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW// Gore + Blood, Death mention
> 
> You guys have the freedom to yell at me now :)  
> I also tried really hard to convey exactly what I wanted them to feel, so this chapter has very...little Daehyun and Youngjae. For obvious reasons. And sorry if it feels choppy or I'm missing details :(

_“JONGUP!”_

Himchan’s eyes went wide as he watched Jongup’s body crumple in front of his eyes, his entire body going cold. He couldn’t even notice the fact that Yongguk had managed to knock down Namjoon with a bullet. His eyes were glued on the heap that was his precious Jongup’s body. A blinding rage filled his entire body and he stood up, pulling fire on anyone he saw, bullets flying wildly. He was barely aware of the fact Yongguk had jumped a crate and was holding him back, the gun slipping from his hand and hitting the floor with a deafening clatter. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t even speak, the image of Jongup seared into his brain. He didn’t even realise that he’d managed to shoot Jiho, the entire FanXy gang retreating with the sudden injury of their leader. His ears were ringing loudly while the entire warehouse began to fall silent following the leave of FanXy, Jiho’s loud cursing slowly fading away

He could only see Jongup. His baby. The child he’d raised and pampered. Himchan tore himself from Yongguk’s grasp, the entire warehouse silent now as he dropped to his knees and cradled Jongup in his arms, the once lively blue-haired man laying limply. There was the faintest pained smile on Jongup’s face and Himchan held him tighter, digging his nails into the soft material of his shirt. “Jongup…Jongup…please, no. Nononono…No. Come on, you’re gonna make it. Keep your eyes open, okay?” Himchan rambled, shaking Jongup’s body slightly. His hands were beginning to stain with red from the blood that flowed nonstop, bleeding through Jongup’s clothes and staining the warehouse floor as it dripped.

“Him..chan…” Jongup croaked, his eyes going in and out of focus. Himchan only panicked more, ushering him to shut up and not waste his energy. Yongguk could only stand quietly behind Himchan, the silent tears dropping down his cheeks. “Himchan…shh…I..” Jongup coughed violently, blood dribbling out of his mouth and staining his face as it ran down his chin. Himchan wiped it away with his sleeve and shook his head, denying reality.

“Shut up, Jongup. We’re…You’re gonna be _fine_ , I swear.”

Jongup brought a trembling hand up and touched Himchan’s face with the bloody hand, marring the leader’s complexion with crimson. “I love you, Himchan.’ He took in a deep breath, the sound grating and rough. “Thank you so much, for everything. I’ll never fo-forget you. My one…one and only family.” And then the hand touching Himchan’s face went limp and it was silent, the sound deafening.

Until Himchan let out a pained cry and rocked back and forth with Jongup in his arms, feeling the warmth slowly fade away from the once warm body. Himchan buried his face in the messy blue hair, sobbing and clutching him tight.

_Jongup, who’s smiles came and went unpredictably. Jongup, who hardly expressed physical affection. His Jongup, who he teased and got sour glares back in return. His warm, bright moon in lonely nights. His comfort. His family._

“Jongup- Jongup, _please_ , don’t leave me. Jongup!” Himchan repeated his name like a mantra without end, begging him and pleading the lifeless body to _return_ to him. “Give him back…Give me Jongup back, please…please…please…Jongup…Uppie…I-“ He choked on his tears and wailed loudly, his head thrown back and tears rolling down his cheeks in fat drops, hitting the hard ground. Everyone was silent but Himchan. “I love you- I’m so sorry, Jongup, I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’m so, so, so, sorry.”

            Yongguk stepped away and cleared his choked-up throat, fingers clenching and unclenching as he looked away from the scene. It wasn’t real. “…..All men can _leave_ right now.” And with those words, the henchmen who were still alive, injured or not, scattered, leaving only Yongguk, Himchan, Daehyun and Youngjae alone with Jongup’s lifeless body. Himchan continued uttering apologies while holding Jongup. Yongguk looked at Daehyun and Youngjae, biting his lip. Knowing Daehyun and Himchan’s recent spats, he mused that it wouldn’t be a good idea to keep him there. “Daehyun…take Youngjae back.” He finally decided, motioning to the open warehouse door. He was going to stay with Himchan.

            Daehyun narrowed his eyes slightly and stood up, still clutching his arm tightly. “….Okay…” He let go of his arm to grab Youngjae’s hand, tugging him along. Youngjae followed along in a blind daze, his eyes never leaving the scene that was in front of him. Daehyun wanted to puke. To see one of his own _teammates_ , his _family_ , lying there, lifeless was something he’d never imagined before. The minute he was out of the warehouse, the hitman doubled over and dry heaved the empty contents of his stomach, Youngjae merely watching with blank eyes. He couldn’t breathe. Everything ached and he felt _sick_. To think that FanXy would pull such an underhanded trick to try and crumble their family and put an innocent life at risk. To think that they’d killed Jongup and broken his body with a flurry of bullets. He hadn’t even seen it, too busy with his own arm.

            If only he’d done something. If only he’d paid attention. If only he’d spent more time with Jongup. If only.

            Youngjae finally pulled him away from the warehouse, dragging him to one of the left-over cars with the keys stuck in the doors lock. Daehyun followed limply as they got into the cars, his head hung low as the doors slammed shut and the seats cold seeped through his body, making him shiver. Youngjae rested his hands on the wheel and took a deep breath, laughing dryly as he tilted his head back and shut his eyes. “What the fuck? What the actual fuck? You better explain, Dae. Or should I say _Daehyun_?”

            This is not the situation Daehyun wanted when he thought of being called _Daehyun_ by Youngjae. The hitman covered his face with one hand, the other hand useless as his arm hung limply, bandaged but still useless. “I….” He began sobbing and slammed his foot against the car floor, wiping at his eyes.

            Where did he begin with telling Youngjae the truth? Did it even matter anymore? Youngjae wouldn’t want to associate with him after this, right? Himchan wouldn’t approve, would he? Did _that_ even matter anymore? Daehyun sniffled and was acutely aware of the fact Youngjae was staring at him again, cold and unfeeling. It didn’t matter anymore. He pulled his hand away from his face and cleared his throat, avoiding any and all eye contact with Youngjae as he began to speak.

 

 

 

            Yongguk looked away from the warehouse door and back to Himchan, his stomach churning uncomfortably. He didn’t want to look at Jongup’s motionless body. “Himchan…” He started softly, kneeling down and not putting his hands on the younger man in case he lashed out. Himchan was blubbering nonsense into the still of Jongup’s body and his nails had already torn through Jongup’s shirt. “Channie…We need to go.”

            “No! No, we aren’t going _anywhere_. I’m g-going to die with him….My baby…” Himchan snapped, his voice watery and tearful as he spoke the irrational words. He’d _raised_ Jongup. He watched the 16-year-old grow up into what he was today and yet he’d failed his ‘child’. He’d let Jongup die. “I’m so sorry…I let him die…I killed him…It’s my fault…I didn’t cover h-him like I was supposed to. It should have been me, not you..” He whispered quietly, his grip going lax and letting Jongup’s body touch the ground with a gentle thud. Himchan finally turned to Yongguk, his face tear stained and smeared with blood. “I…It’s _my_ fault, Yongguk.”

            The older man let out a rush of breath and pulled Himchan closer, the latter not even resisting as he slumped against the warmth of Yongguk’s body. “No, it’s not bunny….” His words caught in his throat and he buried his face in the others hair, shutting his eyes. “It’s not…I promise…You did your best.” Yongguk pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of Himchan’s head and pulled away, gathering Jongup’s body in his arms and pressing a kiss to his cold forehead. Himchan stared at him blankly, his façade broken, his dark eyes glassy and unfocused. As if he weren’t there.

            For once, Yongguk saw Himchan broken beyond repair, the despair making the lines around his eyes seem deeper, the tiredness more evident. For the first time, Yongguk _understood_ how much Himchan suffered for them. He shifted Jongup in his arms, hoisting him over his shoulder, the fact his body felt so _light_ making him sick. “Himchan..” He reached a hand out for the leader to take, wrapping his fingers around his wrist and tugging him up onto his feet. Yongguk held Himchan close to him and helped him out of the warehouse, eager to escape the smell of blood and bullets, the copper smell overpowering. The air outside was crisp and clean, almost mocking them with how pure it smelled compared to the warehouse. Yongguk glanced around and noticed that there was only one car left behind, it’s white exterior sticking out.

            It wasn’t their gangs car.

            “Himchan, wait here.” Yongguk let go of Himchan and glanced at him as he set Jongup’s body down, watching the leader stay still as if glued to the ground. He walked over to the car and looked around, blinking. It wasn’t their car. And they – minus FanXy – had been the only people there. So in conclusion, it must have been a car left by Jiho’s gang. Youngguk tried to open the doors, finding them locked and grabbed a stone from the ground, smashing the back seat window and unlocking the door through the broken window. He walked back and led Himchan over to the car first, sitting him down forcefully in the passenger.

            Himchan didn’t make a sound, his glassy eyes staring ahead. He was breathing, so he was alive, Yongguk confirmed. He was just…mentally _not_ there and it scared him. Yongguk went back for Jongup’s body, briefly wondering why he was carrying his body around before remembering they were going to bury him, which was what he knew Himchan would want. He placed his body in the backseat, wincing slightly as he watched shards of glass pierce Jongup’s soft skin. Shutting the door, Yongguk finally made his way around to the drivers seat and sat in it, fumbling with the fuse box to try and jump start the car without a key. The car came to life with a gentle purr and Yongguk looked over to Himchan worriedly.

            He wanted to cry and scream and breakdown – but he had to be strong. For Himchan.

            For Jongup.

            Yongguk reversed the car and began driving back to the basecamp, the radio mute and the only sound coming from the engine of the car.

            Himchan came to life beside him with quiet sobs again.

 

 

 

            “So….” Youngjae kept his eyes on the road in front of him, his knuckles white from clutching the wheel while Daehyun had talked. “everything you just told me is true, right?” Daehyun could only nod weakly, his good hand balling into a fist and then relaxing as he held back the onslaught of tears. He hadn’t said a word about Jongup when he spoke, only explaining who he was – Youngjae thankfully, knew who the Matoki were – and what had gone down there. Youngjae seemed to take it all with a grain of salt, though it was obvious he believed the hitman. Daehyun hadn’t spoken a word about how he felt towards him. “….Then…who were those guys barking orders? You didn’t tell me about them. You only talked about who you were.” Youngjae’s gaze flickered over to Daehyuna nd then back to the road.

            He tried so hard not to believe Daehyun but given what he’d said…he couldn’t deny anything. All he knew was that Daehyun was a part of the gang known as Matoki, a gang he’d heard of before. They were the top dogs, the highest-ranking gang in Seoul despite reigning a majority of the east side. Youngjae didn’t know anything else. He didn’t know Daehyun’s personal story or the men who had been there in the warehouse (aside from FanXy) with them. All he knew was that he’d been in the middle of a shootout as bait and that Daehyun was apparently the information-gatherer for the Matoki.

            Daehyun seemed to hesitate and looked out the window, a shaky exhale coming out of his mouth. “My family…The rest of the gang. The head house of the gang, in a way I guess.” He bit his lip. “It’s just been the four of us in the head house for 6 years. Himchan is our leader, Yongguk is his right hand man and Jongup….Jongup is – _was_ – the one who carried out hits.” It hurt him to say _was_. It hurt to even realise that Jongup wasn’t there with them.

            Youngjae stopped the car as they reached a light, his stomach suddenly dropping. _Was_? That meant this ‘Jongup’ guy was the one who’d died. Someone who Daehyun called family, just as his cousin was his family. They’d both lost someone close to them, hadn’t they? “…I’m sorry.” He breathed, feeling terrible for snapping at Daehyun before. They were both on edge and feeling shaky from the experience and judging from the ‘Matoki’s’ reaction, he assumed it was their first time in such a situation.

            “It’s fine.” Daehyun let out a dry laugh, unable to even cry now at this point. He was just _tired_. “….I’m sorry, Youngjae. I completely manipulated you and I hate myself for it. You can just go inside, I’ll drive the car back to where I live.” Youngjae looked at Daehyun as they reached his convenience store, surprised by how calm he was feeling in a situation like this. He couldn’t understand it himself, how his mind seemed to take everything so easily. How he understood and _sympathized_ with Daehyun.

            “I…Why would you be sorry?” He asked, turning the car off and turning to face Daehyun.

            The hitman shook his head and gave Youngjae a sad smile as he opened the door. Youngjae was quick to follow as well, getting out of the car and watching as Daehyun got into the drivers seat, leaving him outside.

            “Dae…hyun?” He asked again, the mans name rolling off of his tongue uncomfortably the second time around. It felt weird to call him by his real name.

            Daehyun started the car and rolled down the window, finally intent on answering Youngjae’s question. “I’m sorry because I like you.”

            Youngjae faltered and took a step back, his eyes going wide. He couldn’t even manage to utter a single word as he watched Daehyun roll the window up and speed away, his words catching in his throat. Youngjae watched as the car sped away into the distance, leaving him alone in bloodied clothing and ruined hair. As if he were in a trance, Youngjae forced himself to head back inside before Junhong got home.

            He had a lot of explaining to do, even if he cut details out to protect Junhong.

 

 

 

            Daehyun wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he entered the basecamp. He was half expecting Jongup to pop out of the kitchen with toast in his mouth and tell him everything was a prank. A dream, maybe. The sight he encountered when he arrived was far from that delusion. Yongguk was kneeling on the ground in front of a body – Jongup – and carefully wrapping him up in a white fabric. Daehyun hesitated to walk over, his feet feeling like stone as he walked forward. Himchan was nowhere to be found.

            “….I don’t believe this.” Daehyun found himself speaking before he could control it, standing over Yongguk, his vision unfocused as he looked at Jongup. Yongguk turned to Daehyun, his hands working all the while.

            He gave a sad smile. “…It’s hard for me to believe too, Daehyun.” Yongguk’s gaze flickered to the shut office door where Himchan had locked himself in before returning to look at Daehyun. “We need to be strong for Himchan, okay? I know, I want to fucking cry too and break everything, but…if we all fall apart we’re ruined. Let’s be strong.”

            Daehyun let out a choked noise and turned away, rubbing his dry eyes. He understood fully. It hurt, of course it did. Losing a family member, even if they weren’t related, it _hurt_. But the hitman couldn’t even begin to imagine how broken Himchan was. He’d been the one to find Jongup and bring him up. He’d been the one to save Jongup. “Is…Is Himchan okay?” He needed to know. He wanted to reverse time and stop them from fighting each other. He wanted to apologize a thousand times over to Himchan.

            Yongguk was silent and that was all Daehyun needed to understand that Himchan was in fact not okay. “….We need to bury Jongup.” Yongguk picked up the limp body and cradled Jongup’s tiny frame in his arms, the white cloth already stained with red.

            They needed to do this without Himchan. They needed to protect Himchan.

            “Where…?” Daehyun questioned, his voice coming out more strained than he wanted to. Yongguk sighed quietly.

            “….Somewhere where no one can find him. You know the small grassy area behind this building? There.”

            Daehyun nodded slowly and cleared up the mess on the floor, picking up the roll of white cloth and holding it in one arm as he followed Yongguk. “We’re not going to mark it or anything, right?” The meeting place floor was clean and spotless, not a shred of evidence left.

            “We’re not. It’s for Himchan’s benefit. He’ll…” Yongguk stopped talking as he opened the door to head outside, holding it open for Daehyun to pass through first. “He’ll probably want to make a memorial. Or hang up a picture at the very least.”

            “It’ll…be helpful for him.” And _us_ , Daehyun added mentally as they walked in the cool night air towards the back of their basecamp. The grassy patch came into view and the sudden reality of it all hit the hitman like a brick. They were really burying one of their own members. One of their family. Everything that had gone down that night had _happened_. FanXy had indeed tricked them – they had indeed shot down their men and vice versa. They’d killed Jongup mercilessly. Daehyun grit his teeth as Yongguk set Jongup’s body on the soft grass, breaking the ground with a shovel. They had to get back at FanXy somehow, didn’t they? Would Himchan even have the will power to do so?

            He watched quietly as Yongguk worked the ground, making a hole big enough to fit Jongup’s body inside. He stayed silent as he listened to the sick thud of his body being pushed into the dugout ground, eyes locked on the almost mummified body being covered by dirt. “Wait…wait, Yongguk.” Yongguk stopped and looked up at him, his eyes lined with unshed tears. Daehyun dropped what he was holding in his arms, letting them tumble into the hole and then nodded. “Okay…continue, sorry…”

            Yongguk carefully shoveled the dirt over the hole in the ground, patting it flat when he finished. Daehyun turned away and the tears came out without warning, his voice giving away into a loud sob. Yongguk carefully walked over and pulled Daehyun into a hug, running his fingers through Daehyuns messy hair, careful of his injured arm. “Shh…I know, it’s okay.” The older mans voice also broke in the middle, droplets of salty tears rolling down his cheeks as he pressed his forehead into the crown of Daehyun’s hair. “We’re going to be okay…We’ll pay them back. We’ll…get them.”

            Daehyun hiccupped and wiped at his eyes, pulling away from Yongguk. “Yeah…Yeah, we’ll..” He couldn’t finish the rest of his sentence and merely let it fall flat, swallowing the thickness building in his throat. “Let’s go back inside.” He finally said, not waiting for Yongguk’s reply as he hurried back around the basecamp, eager to get back inside.

            He opened the door and slipped inside, hearing Yongguk follow behind him. The air inside of the basecamp felt _different_. Empty was the only way to describe it.

            “I’m going to go check on Himchan…” Yongguk murmured quietly. “I hope he hasn’t done anything rash in the office…” Daehyun could only imagine. He nodded and watched Yongguk scurry away towards the locked door as he turned his heel and walked to his and Jongup’s room.

            No. Just _his_ room now. Daehyun sank into his bed and stared up at the ceiling, not bothering to look at the bed next to his, or the various things littered around the room that indicated Jongup had lived there. He wanted to erase the memory of the younger hitman completely, just so none of them would suffer. Pressing his palms to his eyes and pressing down roughly, Daehyun ignored his phone ringing, not wanting to talk with anyone. He just wanted to sleep. His arm was hurting like crazy, though his heart hurt even more so. Daehyun fell into a fitful sleep, the sound of Himchan’s loud, heart wrenching sounds serving as his lullaby. The sound haunted him even into his sleep.

            Suddenly, their family of forever four was torn down to three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WEDNESDAY PT.2 (WEEK TWO)
> 
> Note : Following this chapter, the next chapters will NOT be following the week + date format.


	11. Interlude: Fermata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be longer and it will wrap everything up, hopefully.
> 
> TW: For some mention of blood and gore.

_December 2012_

            Jongup looked around nervously, his hands clutching tightly onto Himchan’s coat jacket as he entered the warm garage that made do as the gangs hideout. Four pairs of eyes were on him and it made him feel like shrinking. He’d never had this much attention on him before. Jumping from orphanage to orphanage was bound to do that – they had too many kids to pay explicit attention to each and every single one. Himchan carefully pried his fingers off of his coat and pushed Jongup forward, grinning widely. Jongup glanced back at the taller man and bit his lip, darting his eyes down.

            Why had he agreed to come with Himchan? Was he so easily swayed by the promise of warm shelter and food? _Why_ had he been so drawn to Himchan?

            One of the men knelt down and Jongup could see his face clearly from this angle, warm eyes, gummy smile and a triangle set of moles around his eye. “Hello, Himchan has told us a lot about you. It’s nice to meet you in person.” Jongup took a step back slightly only to find Himchan’s hand firmly on his back, his exits blocked off. What was he supposed to say? He opened his mouth and then closed it quickly, unable to get the words out of his lips. The man only smiled wider, his eyes turning into crescents. He seemed…kind, even if he looked scary at first.

            Were these men really hitmen as Himchan said they were? They didn’t seem like it.

            The gummy smiled man held out a hand and Jongup stared at it before realizing he was offering it for a handshake, and not trying to slap him. Slowly, he took his larger hand and carefully shook it, withdrawing just as quickly. “My name is Yongguk.”

            Jongup felt Himchan gently tap him on the back and turned his head slightly, feeling strangely warm whenever Himchan looked at him, his dark eyes swimming with affection. Affection for him? A raggedy kid who he found on the street and barely knew? Jongup didn’t know how to handle this…warmth. He turned back to the gummy smiled man – Yongguk, his name was and spoke quietly. “Nice…to meet you too..” He hoped he was heard.

            Yongguk grinned widely and carefully stood up. Jongup could only see the man’s feet, covered in oddly cute cat socks. Weird. The man who was standing next to him merely stuck a hand out, his voice smooth and almost crisp. Jongup liked this man’s voice more than Himchan’s voice, which was more nasally and loud. “Nice to meet you, kid. I’m Daehyun.” Jongup took Daehyun’s hand and shook it once briefly, pulling back and retreating behind Himchan once more, the older man having already moved his hand. Jongup didn’t know Daehyun looked, but from his voice he gave a guess that the man was at least somewhat handsome. “Nice to meet…you too.” Jongup responded meekly from behind Himchan’s back.

            He’s so much weaker when he’s not in the shadows, away from everyone’s eyes. He felt exposed like this. Himchan reached an arm around Jongup’s shorter frame and wrapped his fingers around his shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. Himchan’s actions carried a warmth to them that Jongup had never experienced before and he wondered if this was how it felt to have parents. Or at least, someone who cared about you so much. “I’ll show him around. Daehyun, can you see if we can fit another bed in your room?” He turned to look at Jongup and smiled, the dimple under his eye showing up. “If you ever need anything, Jongup, you can come to me or them, okay? You’ll fit right in. And, I’m sorry we aren’t able to spend Christmas together this year. Next year for sure.”

            Jongup didn’t know what Himchan had meant by ‘fit right in’ at the time, but he nodded. Whatever Himchan wanted him to do, he would do as it meant he would be getting somewhere warm to stay and not stealing money for food. Jongup pressed his forehead against Himchan’s side and let out a quiet sigh, trying to calm the rise of anxiety in his chest.

            “Okay.” He answered quietly.

            This was his family now, wasn’t it?

_February 2013_

            Jongup pulled himself out of bed slowly, looking over to his side and finding that Daehyun’s bed was already empty. It had been 2 months since he started living with Himchan and the others and he’d already adjusted fairly quickly – something he was proud of. Himchan hadn’t made him do anything, only informing him of what everyone else did and urging him to observe so he could learn. Jongup didn’t know what exactly he was supposed to observe, but he paid close attention when the group had gotten a job request a few weeks ago. He was slowly beginning to learn the ropes around the gang and learn exactly what they did.

            He liked it.

            Rubbing his eyes, Jongup stumbled towards the bathroom to wash up. He splashed the cold water onto his face and brushed his teeth, staring at himself in the mirror. He’d definitely looked better than before. His skin was more radiant colourful than the pale, sickly white and his cheeks held a healthy fat to them. Himchan _did_ feed them well, as did Daehyun if Himchan was too busy to cook. Spitting the paste out of his mouth, Jongup rinsed it out. It was weird though; how silent the house was in this moment. Had they gone out to do things? They would have told him if they had things to do, so it didn’t make sense. With a confused tilt of his head, Jongup exited the bathroom and made his way to the kitchen.

            The entire basecamp was dark, the fluorescent lights off and it took Jongup a while to navigate through the darkness to the kitchen’s light switch. He flicked it on and nearly dropped to the ground in shock. Out of the darkness emerged Himchan, Daehyun and Yongguk, wearing silly hats and throwing confetti. Himchan held a cake in his hands lit with candles saying ‘17’, a wide grin on his face. Yongguk was staring at him with soft eyes and Daehyun was holding a large, wrapped up box.

            “Happy birthday, Jongup!” They shouted in unison before breaking into song. Jongup’s legs wobbled and he fought of the need to cry, his heart dropping to his stomach. It was the first time he’d ever had his birthday celebrated in such a way. To think that these _people_ who barely knew him would do such a thing for him…Jongup couldn’t breathe.

            Himchan brought the cake over to him, his eyes twinkling in the bright lights and illuminated by the candles. “Make a wish and blow them out, Jongup.” Jongup looked up at Himchan and then back to the cake, biting the inside of his cheek. Slowly, he exhaled and watched the flickering fire die out, the thin lines of smoke curling into the air.

            _I want to stay with you forever_.

            The older man set the cake down and motioned for Daehyun to come over. “Open your gift before we cut the cake, okay?” Jongup took the large box from Daehyun’s hands and set it down on the ground, carefully tearing it open and setting the wrapping aside. He lifted the lid off of the box and peered inside, his eyes widening. It was a _lot_.

            Inside the box was a small collection of 4 pocket knives, each one adorned with a different engraving on the hilt. Next to it was a black hoodie, some shoes and a phone, wrapped together in plastic. He scanned over the box some more and found the last gift. It was a gold picture frame, empty and waiting to be filled. At the bottom of the frame, a set of words were written in delicate cursive.

            ‘ _Forever as one._ ’

            “Theres one set of gifts from each of us.” Jongup looked up at Yongguk and nodded slowly. He’d figured that much out. “The…picture frame is mine.” Slowly, Jongup lifted the picture frame out of the box and bit his lip. He knew what he wanted to do with it. Setting it aside out of the box, Jongup pulled out the hoodie, shoes and phone, looking from Daehyun to Himchan.

            Daehyun nodded his head. “Yeah, I got you those. You’re gonna need a phone for your own personal stuff, though Himchan’ll get you another one for the group.” Jongup tilted his head and then opened his mouth in a silent ‘oh’ of understanding when Daehyun pulled out two phones of his own, both of them different. One for personal and another one for group related activites. Secrecy – Himchan had stressed that to him in the beginning.

            That meant the knives were a gift from Himchan. Jongup picked up the small box and stared at Himchan curiously, his brows raised in a silent question. Himchan smiled.

            “There’s a knife that symbolizes each of us. See if you can guess which knife goes with who.” Jongup opened the case and pulled out one of the small knifes, staring at its hilt with a scrutinizing eye. It was a snake wrapping around the knife’s black hilt, a rose stuck in its mouth and the moon engraved in a corner.

            _Moon_. That was an obvious hint. “This one…is me, right?” Jongup asked, holding it up and awaiting Himchan’s approval. The older man beamed. One down, three more to go. He set the knife back into the case and picked up another one, the blue hilt engraved with stars and text saying, ‘ _With You’._ He looked from Daehyun, Yongguk and Himchan and then motioned to Yongguk. “Yongguks?” Yongguk nodded slowly and Jongup set the knife back down. There were only two more knives left in the box. He picked up both of them and looked at them carefully, before looking up at Daehyun and Himchan. There was a grey knife, the hilt engraved with a long wrap of vines with thorns. It couldn’t have been Himchan’s – it seemed too hardened and not soft. “Daehyuns.” He held the grey knife up and watched as the man nodded, his lips twitching into a smile. That meant the last one was Himchans. He set Daehyun’s knife down and lifted Himchan’s knife up, rolling it in his hands. It was a delicate ombre of pink and red, fading into white. Engraved on it were the words ‘ _Family’_ and the initials of everyone’s names.

            Jongup looked up and swallowed quietly. “Himchan.” He motioned to the knife and the older man nodded slowly.

            “Yep. They’re all yours kiddo. Put ‘em up and let’s dig into that cake, hm?” It was obvious he was avoiding any emotional confrontation about the knifes and Jongup was glad for it. He quickly placed the gifts into the box and shut it, standing up and nodding.

            “Yeah, let’s do that.”

            Himchan’s knife stayed on his person at all times, his own good luck charm. Yongguk’s knife was one he played with at night and kept under his pillow to help himself sleep. Daehyun’s knife he kept on his bedside table, a silent reminder.

            His own knife? He took it apart and kept the hilt, carrying it next to his heart.

_December 2014_

            Daehyun’s voice shouting for Himchan was the first thing Jongup heard in the morning, his eyes fluttering open and his vision blurry. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked around, not finding Daehyun in the room. He was so _loud_. Unable to fall back asleep, Jongup forced himself out of bed and took notice of the date.

            Christmas.

            His second Christmas with his new family.

            Jongup stretched and took off his shirt, looking at himself in the mirror. He was already 18 – how time flied. He ran his fingers along the two tattoos on his neck, both compass stars. Himchan had allowed him to get them both for his 18th birthday and he decided on the compass stars. Two of them, one reminding him of his past directions and the second one reminding him of his current directions. He ran his fingers through his hair, biting his lip. He wanted to dye it. Maybe when he turned 19…

            “Himchan!”

            Daehyun’s voice once again lured Jongup out of his silent mulling and he threw on a neat, white shirt, shaking his head. He padded out of his room and looked around to see Daehyun struggling with a large pine tree in the corner of the large ‘living room’. Yongguk and Himchan were no where to be found. “Daehyun?” Jongup asked, walking over and rubbing his eyes of sleep. He’d forgotten to wash his face.

            The hitman whipped his head around to face him and grinned sheepishly. “Sorry, Jongup. Did I wake you up?” Jongup shook his head and then nodded, realizing that yes, Daehyun indeed woke him up with his yelling. “Oops. Sorry, I’m having trouble with this damn tree and Himchan’s busy in the kitchen doing nothing.”

            As if on cue, Himchan laughed and responded from the kitchen, “Shut your trap, Daehyun. Ask Jongup to help since, he’s up.”

            “So you _could_ hear me! Jackass!” Daehyun snapped back at the older man before turning to Jongup. “Do you mind helping?” Jongup shook his head and helped Daehyun push the tree upright, snapping it’s placeholder into position. It was already decorated, the various sparkling balls and tinsel creating the picture-perfect Christmas tree. “Thanks, Uppie.” Daehyun smiled and ruffled Jongup’s dark hair, the younger man letting out a sound of protest.

            They’d started calling him ‘Uppie’ without reason and while Jongup pretended to be miffed, he secretly preened at the nickname.

            The basecamp door buzzed open and Yongguk walked through carrying Christmas bags, his lips pulled into a smile. It wasn’t the gummy smile he’d seen the first time he’d come into the gang, oh no. Yongguk never did that gummy smile towards them anymore – it had only been directed at him once. Jongup learned that Daehyun too, had only been on the receiving end of the gummy smile one. “I bought all the presents for everyone.” He chirped, setting the bags down on the couch. Himchan finally made it out of the kitchen, holding a bowl of jjigae and set it down on the table in the living space. “Daehyun, can you make sure the tteokbokki isn’t being overcooked?” Daehyun rolled his eyes but nonetheless made his way to the kitchen and began to bring out the rest of the food.

            “Jongup, you should get washed up.”

            Jongup slowly nodded and went to go get washed up before eating, his eyes flickering to the clock for once. 1 PM. He’d slept in a lot later than he usually would, but since they were free from doing any hits for a while…He’d taken the liberty. Once he’d washed up and came back out, Yongguk had already laid out the presents and the food was set out nicely on the table; courtesy of Himchan (and some help from Daehyun, of course). He sat down next to Himchan, their shoulders touching. It was a feeling of comfort for Jongup, the slightest touch from Himchan – a reminder that he cared. That the older man was indeed real and this wasn’t some sort of sick fantasy.

            Yongguk smiled and clapped his hands together. “Merry Christmas, everyone.”

            “Merry Christmas!” Came the response in unison.

            Jongup’s second Christmas with the gang became one full of laughter, presents and video recording.

_January 2018_

It’s painful. The pain blossomed across his chest, coming from multiple points on his body. The gun fell from his hand, Jongup’s fingers desperately trying to keep a hold on it. It clattered to the ground loudly, but the ringing in his ears is louder. Jongup’s vision blurred, his eyes fluttering to try and clear the darkness but it did nothing. His memories came at him like a waterfall, Himchan’s loud scream echoing in his ears. It’s drowned out within seconds by the painful ringing in his ears, the chaos going unnoticed by him. He couldn’t see clearly.

            Everything hurts. Why does it hurt so bad? Jongup took a deep breath as his knees gave out beneath him, the action sending painful twists through his body. He couldn’t scream. The ground was cold beneath him, his mouth tasting like copper, throat building up with the foul taste. His eyes watered and his vision cleared up slightly, just enough to see Himchan kneeling over him. His body is lifted but he couldn’t feel it, his body wracking with shudders.

            Cold, it’s so _damn_ cold.

            Jongup brought a hand to his chest and felt holes. So many. He ran his fingers over them slowly, feeling the warm blood on his fingers. 1. 2. 3. 4.

  1. That’s enough to kill someone, isn’t it? He’s going to die, isn’t he?



            Jongup is hardly aware of Himchan’s sobbing above him. His ears stopped ringing but Himchan’s voice seemed so far away. He felt like he was underwater, drowning, sinking without any help. Himchan’s knife. He tried to reach for it, his fingers stopping when he felt salty droplets hit his face, his mind registering them as tears.

            Himchan was crying? No, he shouldn’t cry.

            “Him..chan…” He coughed and he could hear Himchan panic even more. No. No, his precious Himchan. His precious, adoring, loving Himchan. He didn’t want to hurt him. He’d hurt Himchan, hadn’t he? The hilt of his knife felt heavy against his chest, the weight of it suffocating despite being light. He coughed loudly, the copper taste filling his mouth even more. He wasn’t aware of it spiling, dribbling down his mouth. Jongup brought his fingers up to the blur he hoped was Himchan’s face, listening to the way the older man’s breath hitched and broke. “I love you, Himchan.” He carefully dragged his fingers across the expanse of Himchan’s soft cheek, his ears unable to pick up any sound now, the ringing back full force. “Thank you so much, for everything. I’ll never fo-forget you. My one…one and only family.”

            And then it went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JONGUP'S IMPORTANT MEMORIES (END)


	12. hold my hand (hold me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! This is certainly a much longer chapter and uh, pretty much wraps /most/ things up. Maybe I'll make a one chapter sequel to it. Apologies if the ending is a bit, off? I intended to make it very open-ended.

            The month passed by in a haze, Jongup’s birthday passing without celebration and without Jongup. He would have been 22 that year. The gang slowly pieced themselves together during that month, Himchan much slower than the other two. Jongup’s things were taken out of the room and stored away in boxes, stuffed away into the depths of a storage closet. Yongguk had found the knives gifted to Jongup on his 17th birthday and placed them next to the golden picture frame in his and Himchan’s room, the picture containing a portrait of the four of them hanging out near the Han river. Himchan hardly ate anything and brooded in his room for the month, coming out every now and then, a reassurance that the leader was alive, if barely. Himchan’s eyes had dark circles underneath, his skin pale and his eyes still glossy. Yongguk and Daehyun? They’d managed to slowly get over it, even if it wasn’t fully. They had to be strong for Himchan. Daehyun received no call or text from Youngjae for a month and didn’t bother to go visit the man either way.

            February passed by them like a breeze and March came upon them. None of them even aware of the time passing. They hadn’t even picked up a single hit.

            Hardly a trace of Jongup remained in the basecamp, save for his 17th birthday gifts sitting on Himchan’s dresser table – a small shrine to comfort him. Daehyun’s room now only contained his things and the empty bed.

            He could hardly sleep knowing that he wouldn’t hear the silent clicking of Jongup flipping the knife open and close or the quiet rustle of sheets; or even the rise and fall of his breath.

            “Daehyun.” Daehyun perked up tiredly from his spot on the couch where he’d been thinking and let out a quiet sound of acknowledgment, hoping Yongguk would hear him.

            He did. Yongguk sighed loudly and walked over with a phone in his hand, the device ringing loudly. “You’ve got a call.” Daehyun reached up without thinking and took the phone in his hand, answering the call and exhaling.

            “Hello?”

            The line crackled slightly and Daehyun realised whoever was on the other line was probably messing around with paper. Or something like that. “Er…Daehyun?” The hitmans eyes widened and he sat up straight, recognizing the voice.

            Youngjae.

            He cleared his throat. “Youngjae. Long time no call. Or talk.”

            “Yeah, uhm, I don’t have time for that. Uhm, I know this is _really_ sudden but…Do you think Junhong can stay with you for a day? His friend is out of town right now and I have to leave for the day to Daegu. It’s important and really sudden but you’re the only person I can turn to right now.”

            Daehyun blanched and bit his lip. “Uh, yeah hang on.” This was too sudden. He looked up at Yongguk and whispered what Youngjae had asked, the older man raising his brows. Yongguk slowly nodded.

            What else could they do? The kid wouldn’t know what they did anyway and it wasn’t like it would hurt. Plus…Youngjae was asking. Daehyun couldn’t refuse.

            He liked the man too much to do that.

            “Okay, yeah. We’ll take Junhong for the day. I’ll come over there, it’s a short walk anyway.” Daehyun answered, hearing the relieved sigh from Youngjae’s end.

            “Thank you.” Daehyun put his phone down and tilted his head back, letting out a loud sigh. Fuck. Yongguk chuckled tiredly.

            “Guess we’re going to have a guest. I’ll tell Himchan and try to clean up anything that looks dangerous so that the kid doesn’t touch it.” Daehyun nodded slowly and stood up, running a hand through his hair. He needed to go.

            A whole month passed by and Youngjae called now? Daehyun chuckled to himself dryly as he pulled on his shoes. Was he ignoring his confession? Wait, that was stupid – what kind of idiot confessed after a tragedy? He was an idiot, wasn’t he? To say that after nearly getting Youngjae killed. Yet, Youngjae still trusted him. Enough to even ask to leave Junhong with him. Daehyun wondered what went through the man’s mind – did he forgive him so easily? He gave one last look to Himchan’s office door, the room shut off from everyone.

            Everyone meaning just him. Himchan hadn’t even _let_ Daehyun talk with him. And Daehyun had just let him grieve, not wanting to ruin the older man’s delicate emotional state.

            The past month had been terrible. Himchan had rejected all hits that were brought up and their connections were beginning to thin, the trust between them starting to break slowly. They couldn’t afford that. Their money was beginning to dry up. Daehyun grit his teeth. It was unfair to think that Himchan would get over the loss of his ‘child’ so easily, but the least the man could do was let them accept another hit. Yongguk and him could do it without Himchan’s help couldn’t they?

            Daehyun reached the convenience store quicker than anticipated and spotted Youngjae outside, Junhong standing next to him. Had Junhong grown since the last time he’d seen him? The kid seemed taller, nearly reaching his shoulder. “Youngjae.” He greeted, giving a slight wave of his hand. Youngjae pushed Junhong forward slightly, the kid walking forward and over to Daehyun’s side. Junhong’s hands immediately gripped the older mans shirt and he looked at Youngjae nervously.

            “Take good care of him, Daehyun.” Youngjae said, turning his back after giving a reassuring smile to the nervous Junhong. Daehyun motioned for Junhong to stay where he was and pried his small hands off of his shirt, walking over to Youngjae.

            “Jae.” He whispered under his breath, grabbing the mans arm and forcing him to face him head on. “I…” Youngjae pulled his arm away and silenced Daehyun with a finger, his eyes pleading.

            “Please. I don’t want to talk about _that_ night right now. Please. I’m still…” _Confused_. _Thinking_. The unsaid words hung heavy in the air and Daehyun swallowed. He was an idiot.

            An idiot foolishly in love. An idiot who confessed love after losing someone precious. An idiot who followed his heart instead of his head. An idiot who was _addicted_ to the man named Yoo Youngjae. An idiot who happened to be a hitman, who’s job was to not fall in love with outsiders.

            Daehyun bit his lip and ducked his head slightly, nodding. “Right. Okay. Just…text me when you want me to bring Junhong home.” Youngjae nodded and turned his back on Daehyun again, walking off to the nearest bus stop in that direction. Daehyun walked back to Junhong and gave him a warm smile. “Well, let’s go, hm? I’ll introduce you to my friends.”

            Junhong held onto Daehyun’s hand as they walked back to the basecamp, his smile nervous and his actions jittery. “JaeJae…uhm, told me about…you…and stuff.” Daehyun tensed up and let out a quiet exhale. So Youngjae had ended up spilling to Junhong about him being a hitman. Okay, well…it didn’t seem like Junhong hated him or anything. “JaeJae also was talking about maybe, joining you or something like that.” The child continued to blabber, “But he told me not to tell you, but I wanted to. It seems fun, what you guys do. Saving people, you know.”

            Saving people? So Youngjae hadn’t told the truth – well, to an extent. Daehyun forced a smile onto his face. Youngjae? Joining? Now that was a surprise. “Ah, really? It’s a fun job, but very hard. We recently….lost a member of our family.”

            The kid nodded as if in understanding. “JaeJae told me about that too. It’s okay, Dae. My mommy is gone too, but I think she’s happy wherever she is. Jae told me that she’s always going to be with me and watching me. So maybe your family member is also doing the same!” Junhong radiated positivity and Daehyun couldn’t help but laugh at his innocence. He must have gotten over his mother dying over the month – now if only they could do the same about Jongup.

            “That’s true. Maybe.” Is all he could respond with. Daehyun carefully put in the pin to the basecamp and opened the door. “Shoes off here.” He shut the door after he walked inside after Junhong, sliding off his shoes and listening to the door click locked. Yongguk popped into the hallway, smiling kindly, though it didn’t reach his eyes quiet completely.

            “Hello, Junhong.” The kid looked up and offered a nervous smile, hiding behind Daehyun. His heart dropped slightly. It reminded him of when Jongup first arrived, hiding behind Himchan. Daehyun leaned down slightly and whispered into Junhong’s ear, giving him a gentle shove forward.

            He straightened up and looked at Yongguk. “Mind giving him a tour? I’m gonna make him something to eat.” Yongguk nodded and Daehyun smiled at Junhong, motioning for him to walk over to the older man. Junhong reluctantly walked over to Yongguk, allowing Daehyun to sneak into the kitchen and whip some ramen up for the kid.

            While in the kitchen, he could hear Yongguk explaining their basecamp to Junhong, chuckling to himself bitterly as he listened. It was the same way he had talked to Jongup when he’d arrived. Would he ever stop comparing things to how they were before? Daehyun watched the ramen boil in the pot, his lips curled in a sad smile. Everything was so different without Jongup. Him and Yongguk had tried to fill the empty space all they could, talking uselessly and trying to ignore the gnawing feeling. But it was what it was – completely different. A month was useless to them, grieving would never stop. Daehyun transferred the ramen into three bowls, carrying them out to the living space and setting them on the table. “Junhong! Yongguk! Come on, I made ramen.”

            Junhong rushed over, hopping onto the couch. He seemed more open and livelier than when he first arrived and Daehyun couldn’t help but smile; before remembering what Junhong had told him.

            Youngjae was thinking about joining. But, why?

            Yongguk walked over, followed by a tired looking Himchan. The leaders hand was held tightly by Yongguk’s slender one and Daehyun guessed that Yongguk managed to wrestle Himchan out of the office room. Junhong grabbed his chopsticks and snapped them apart cleanly, looking up at Daehyun. “Thank you, Dae!” He chirped, lifting some of the noodles and blowing on them so they would cool faster.

            Himchan’s eyes finally fell upon Junhong and Daehyun watched with morbid fascination as a flicker of light returned to them. Himchan had always been weak to children. He tugged on Yongguk’s hand. “Is this the kid…Youngjae’s?” Yongguk nodded.

            “Mmnh. Youngjae has custody of him now.” Himchan sat down, Yongguk sitting in the middle between Junhong and the leader. “You want to share a bowl of ramen, Channie?” Yongguk’s tone was gentle, as if he were speaking to a child or trying not to spook an animal. Daehyun grabbed his own bowl and sat on the other side of Junhong, digging in with large bites, slurping up the hot noodles. Himchan finally responded to Yongguk’s question with a slow nod. Daehyun’s heart still hurt to see Himchan beating himself up over it.

            He wished the older man could talk to them about it – but his stubborn personality refused to. Himchan didn’t know how.

            Junhong finally took notice of Himchan and offered a shy smile, his mouth smeared in the ramen broth. Himchan’s lips twitched into a smile and Daehyun knew why – he was thinking of Jongup. Comparing Junhong to Jongup. It was an unhealthy way to cope with it, but he reckoned Himchan didn’t even realise it. Himchan reached around Yongguk and used his sleeve to wipe the kids mouth, chuckling tiredly. “Hello, messy eater.” Junhong turned beet red and hid his face in Yongguk’s arm, letting out an embarrassed whine.

            Yongguk ruffled Junhong’s hair gently. “Junhong, meet Himchan. Himchan, this is Junhong.” Daehyun slurped at his ramen quietly, watching the interaction worriedly. He knew Yongguk was thinking the same, judging by the way he looked at Himchan and then at Junhong.

            It was better than nothing though, even if it was a terrible way to get over it. _This_ was better than nothing; better than Himchan slowly dying because of his grief.

            Junhong gave a polite bow of his head in Himchan’s direction, his leg bouncing nervously. Yongguk stood up and shifted their positions, putting Junhong in between him and Himchan. “Here, get to know him, okay? Channie, eat some ramen.” The silent _please_ hung in the air, Yongguk’s gaze soft as he looked at Himchan. The younger man reluctantly took the ramen bowl and took a bite, slurping up the now warm noodles and sliding the bowl back.

            “One bite?” Junhong’s voice interrupted, a pout forming on his face. Himchan gave him a nod, chuckling.

            “I’m not fond of ramen.” He answered and Daehyun nodded. Himchan wasn’t the type of eat flour products. He didn’t like them. Junhong puffed out his cheeks and took the last bite of his ramen, setting the bowl still filled with broth onto the table. That, Himchan picked up. “You don’t drink the broth?”

            Junhong made a face. “No. I don’t like it that much. You can have it though!” He smiled widely and Himchan’s hand made contact with the kids hair, ruffling it. Yongguk hid his smile with a mouthful of ramen, his eyes flickering over to Daehyun.

            Well, it was the most they’d heard Himchan talk in a month. So….Daehyun took it as progress. The hitman felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and stood up, excusing himself from the table and walking away, the other voices fading as he made his way to his room.

            **Jae – 2:37 PM**

_Is he behaving himself?_

**Daehyun – 2:37 PM**

_Yeah. Youngjae, me and you are going to have a long talk when you get back._

The response was almost immediate.

            **Jae – 2:38 PM**

_I know. Sorry._

            Daehyun pocketed his phone and ran his fingers through his hair. God, what could he say to Youngjae?

            _Hey, Junhong told me you wanted to join. Why’s that?_

No. That was stupid, even if it was to the point.

_So, about what I told you on that night…_

            Was he crazy? Daehyun gave a gentle slap to his cheeks and shook his head, walking back. He stopped in his tracks however, noticing how Himchan was giving Junhong a piggy back ride around the living space, Yongguk watching with his eyes crinkled into the crescents, gummy smile out. Yongguk hadn’t given that bright, wide smile for so long ever since the incident, Daehyun almost forgot how it looked. Junhong was letting out a loud squeal of excitement, telling Himchan to go _here_ and then to go _there_.

            It was cute.

            He wondered if Youngjae would bring Junhong with him if he decided on joining. For what reason, the hitman still couldn’t think of one. It felt like he was being hit with too much all at once.

            Yongguk glanced up, finally noticing Daehyun and motioned for him to come over. He walked over and sat down, letting Himchan bond with Junhong – he always did have a way with people. “…I’m glad he’s smiling more…But I’m also worried…” Yongguk murmured quietly. Daehyun exhaled slowly. He could agree.

            “I know what you mean. He’s using Junhong as a replacement for Jongup. Hes never truly going to get over it, is he?” He hated the way Yongguk nodded, confirming his own feelings. He _knew_. He did. But it felt worse when it was confirmed.

            Daehyun fell silent, watching Himchan play restlessly with Junhong.  He was going to take what he could, and if this was one way for Himchan to get better….then he should just accept it.

 

 

            Youngjae and Daehyun never did get around to talking. March came and went, Yongguk’s birthday flying by with weak “Happy birthdays”. He was 31. April approached them as did Himchan’s birthday. That too, passed by without much celebration as their leader turned 31 as well. They’d gotten back to picking up hits and it was Daehyun’s responsibility to carry it out whenever they did accept one. He wondered how Jongup lived, knowing blood was on his hands. Daehyun hated it. He much preferred picking out information than killing them.

            _April 27 th_. Daehyun marked the date on his calendar, the red mark standing out against the white coloured paper. How many days had they gone without Jongup? Even now, it still hurt to think about it. Himchan had started to come out of his shell, but he was still tiptoeing around them.

            It felt suspicious. Like he was planning something without them knowing. Daehyun didn’t like it. FanXy hadn’t bothered them since that night, though Daehyun guessed it was because 1) their leader was injured and 2) their hitmaker, Namjoon was injured as well.

            It was good, forgetting about them and getting them out of their hair.

            Daehyun made his bed quietly after he’d marked his calendar – his own way of coping with everything – and then walked out of his room. The smell of eggs wafted through the basecamp and he peered into the kitchen to see Yongguk working on breakfast, his lips quirking into a soft smile. They all took turns to cook now, though it was mostly Daehyun and Yongguk more than not. “Mornin’ Yongguk.” Yongguk gave a grunt in response, his mouth full of a piece of eggroll. Daehyun walked over and took a plate, placing two of the eggrolls, albeit messy, onto it. “Is Himchan up?”

            “Mmnh, yeah.” Yongguk answered after swallowing down the food, nodding. “Why?”

            “I was….” Daehyun bit his lip, beginning to regret the idea that popped in his head in that moment. “Well, I was going to see if Himchan would eat.” They still hadn’t managed to exchange any words the past few months; and brief ‘hello’s’ did not count. Yongguk raised his brows and seemed to mull Daehyun’s suggestion before nodding, a slight smile on his lips.

            “I think that’s a good idea. It would be good for him to talk to someone other than me.”

            Daehyun was almost tempted to make a joke. _Almost_. But, it wouldn’t have been appropriate, would it?

            Ah, fuck it. What more could he lose? “You’re not gonna be jealous are you? What if he warms right up to me?” He let out a quiet exhale when Yongguk laughed at his taunt. So he didn’t fuck up.

            Appreciative of the humor attempt, Yongguk rested his hand on Daehyun’s shoulder. “Why should I be jealous? You’re not Channie’s type.” Daehyun took notice of that – Yongguk had been calling Himchan less of ‘Himchan’ and more of ‘Channie’. He didn’t know exactly why, but he could theorize.

            “You got me there. I’ll be off then, don’t burn your own breakfast, Yongguk.” Daehyun motioned to the smoking eggs still on the skillet and laughed at Yongguk’s flustered turn around to try and turn off the stove. The hitman walked off and all the nervousness came right back, hitting him in the pit of his stomach. He stood outside of Himchan’s office room, judging that was where he was going to be in the morning after waking up. He knocked on the door and nearly jumped back in surprise when it opened, the door unlocked.

            Himchan was sitting at his desk, scribbling furiously on a paper, various other sheets laying on the desk messily. It was unlike him to be that messy. Daehyun slipped inside slowly, clearing his throat and catching the older mans attention. Himchan turned around, his eyes widening a fraction before he quickly shuffled his papers together and stuffed them into a drawer. “Daehyun…” He was at a clear loss for words.

            Daehyun set the plate of eggs down on Himchan’s desk, taking a spot on the desk, leaning against it. “Himchan. You…I- Yeah, I brought breakfast.”

            The older man looked at the eggs and then up at Daehyun. “Thank you…I-“

            “Wait, wait. We…need to talk. I think. We- I just wanted to see if you were okay, I guess? I- I’ve been worried about you. Me and you haven’t talked a lot and Yongguk said that it was okay for me to talk with you because you needed to interact with someone other than him. Ah, fuck what am I saying? I don’t know, but Himchan, I’m sorry and I….” Daehyun inhaled, exhaling slowly. He was rambling, he knew that. “I love you. A whole fucking lot. I’ve never got the chance to tell you, but I just…yeah. You’re my family, you know?”

            Himchan opened and closed his mouth a few times, struggling to find words. Daehyun took the time to look at the older man more closely, noticing that he was still pale, but he’d definitely been putting back the weight he’d lost after not eating for so long. The dark circles beneath his eyes were fading, thankfully, and he looked more alive than the past two months.

            “Daehyun…” He looked away, hearing the tears in Himchan’s voice. He didn’t mean to make him cry. “…All I can say is thank you…” Himchan whispered, dropping his voice low.

            “Well, if you mean it than eat all the eggs, okay? Yongguk made them.” Daehyun threw all caution to the wind and wrapped his arms around Himchan, pulling him into a tight hug. “I’m sorry for a lot of things, Himchan.” Himchan hesitantly wrapped his arms around Daehyun, reciprocating the hug before pulling away. Daehyun scratched his neck and bit his lip, wondering if Himchan would reply or stay silent.

            The leader carefully let out a rush of air he’d been holding. “I know. I’m sorry too. And Daehyun?”

            “Hmm?”

            “Your phones been buzzing for a bit, might want to answer it you know?”

            Daehyun blinked and pulled out his phone, his cheeks turning red. He’d been so preoccupied with Himchan and his own thoughts he hadn’t realise it was going off. “Oh. Yeah, it is. I’ll talk with you later?”

            Himchan smiled, though it never quite reached his eyes. “Yeah, later.”

            Daehyun left the room, shutting the door behind him and answering the call, not bothering to even look at the caller ID. His heart dropped when he heard who’s voice it was.

            “Daehyun. We need to talk.”

            Anger simmered in Daehyun’s gut, his lips turning downwards. Two months of no communication after that one night and Youngjae was calling him _now_? That was a bit selfish wasn’t it? Ignoring when Daehyun wanted to talk but then demanding they talk on his own time. Nonetheless, like the fool he was, Daehyun responded. Maybe he really did have it bad for Youngjae – for whatever reason it was. His heart responded first and then his brain caught up with the consequences.

            “Sure. Your place?”

            “My place.”

            The time was never specified, but it hung in the air silently.

 

           

            Daehyun walked through the convenience store, heading towards the door that led to Youngjae’s flat. His heart was bouncing with each step, threatening to burst with anxiety. They were finally – _finally_ – going to talk things through. How long had it been? The brief meeting when Youngjae let him watch Junhong didn’t count – was it four months now? 5? He’d been keeping track of time regarding Jongup but couldn’t remember how long it had been since he’d talked with Youngjae. Was it the same amount of time? He should have talked with Jongup more.

            He knocked on the door and was pleasantly surprised when it opened, revealing Youngjae on the other side. “Ah…” Youngjae moved and let him through. “We’re alone. Junhong’s still at school." Daehyun watched as Youngjae shut the door behind, him heart racing like crazy.

            “Youngjae..” He breathed, his body moving all on its own as he grabbed the mans face and pulled him into a kiss, their lips pressed together. He pulled away just as quickly, eyes searching for any sign of disgust – rejection, hatred. He found none. He found only confusion mixed with sadness and it made his heart lurch. It would have been better if Youngjae slapped him.

            Did he not feel the same? Was he being an idiot and ruining everything?

            Youngjae took Daehyun’s hands into his, holding them tightly. “Daehyun. I thought…a lot about what you said. I know I was the one who spilled my guts first about how I felt…And…” He swallowed. “And I’m scared. I’m scared of what will happen if we get into a relationship.”

            Daehyun had a feeling he knew where Youngjae was going with this.

            “You’re…obviously all still getting over something…And so are me and Junhong, _but_ , that’s not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not contacting you for the past few months.” Youngjae squeezed Daehyun’s hands. “I still really do like you, I really do….Which is _stupid_ and _foolish_ considering everything that’s happened, but I…I don’t know.”

            Daehyun pried his hands from Youngjae’s and settled them on Youngjae’s shoulders, his fingers splayed across the back of the mans neck. “I know. We needed to talk. We’ll figure things out, okay? We’re both fucking idiots, but that’s _not_ what we’re supposed to talk about. Junhong told me, you know? _That’s_ what we need to talk about.”

            Youngjae blanched and swallowed, his eyes looking everywhere but at Daehyun. “So…he did tell you..” He fidgeted slightly and brushed Daehyun’s hands off of his shoulders. “Are you going to say no if I did ask?”

            The hitman shook his head. “No….But are you sure about this? You’re…pure. Joining us is signing yourself up for a lot of emotional burden.”

            Youngjae tensed his jaw. “I’m sure. I don’t have anything else to lose, Daehyun. I have no one to turn to anymore. And…Junhong really likes this _Himchan_ guy.”

            Daehyun stared at Youngjae, and then sighed when he realised that the other was stubborn. “What about Junhong?”

            “Junhong…He doesn’t have to know what we do. Maybe later, we can slowly introduce him to everything, but I…”

            It was exactly how Daehyun had been when he joined, following Yongguk out of love. The hitman bit his lip. “I….Fine. We’ll have to teach you everything though, you know that? And you’ll lose a lot of outside contact.”

            Youngjae set Daehyun with a determined look, his brows pinched together and lips pursed. It was oddly cute. “I’m up for it.”

            Daehyun couldn’t help but kiss him one more time. And this time, Youngjae responded.

            Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END


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